The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last week I had a family issue- which was manageable.
In my early 20's i was a deep deep trouble- so I took the route of doing voluntary work. I was between jobs more than onceso I used this time to try and do some good.
My closest friends were junkies, really.
I cam back home in 1976 after working on a railway gang. I got promoted there- not because of a rifle- but because they could see i was a dab hand with a shovel.
I came back to look after the family farm. The whole valley floor was being flooded by a huge hydro-electric dam. The upside of that was that AA and Alanon came into the valley.
I took an active part in getting our amenities restored above the lake- church and hall. Also re-invigorating our fruitgrowing industry.
However there were two citizens in our community who put it about that I was a drug user and a dealer.
This could not have been further from the truth. It was hurtful. It affected me economically.
Much more to my self esteem.
I was blacklisted in my employment and had to work my butt off to keep my job.
There was no chance at getting another job anywhere else- because of the blacklist.
Fast forward to today. The settlement where I grew up started having Anzac day three years ago.
This year I was given the task of setting up the service there.
This was taxing because we had no service last year- because of lock-down.
There is a lot of bear-cave stuff going on at the moment!
So I have revived memories of here- and injustice and unfairness all-round...
...not to mention the circumstances around my family... which cut much deeper- because this was even closer.
Our chaplain on Sunday is a reverend mother who is 93 years old...
...her hubby served in the airforce in the Pacific and in Europe.
She is the star in the crown really!
I was always a secretary; not a chair. But i got toast up the service sheet- and out things in the right order.
No one will know exactly what I have been through in the community.
Beside that there is the memorial stuff. 12 members of my family served in 2 world wars.
Small towns. Oh i could picture this post and you know what it's actually helpful. Faces change but people don't and each victim thinks they're the first. You have accomplished so much that is tangible in your life. I admire those with the ability to work. Around here the mantra of our old people was simply " you don't work, you don't eat". Thanks for the share.
a41... In AoNZ this was expressed as: Tama noho, tama matekai, tama tu, tama ora. In the 70's the youth generation altered this to mean:- Tama noho, tama mate, tama tu, tama ora. Our mothers went out to work- quite rightly. But there was not enough work around for all the school leavers- in those entry level jobs, as they were initially. A time of great adjustment.
The 70s youth translation made me chuckle We define work as also tending ones plantation or fishing. Sometimes I think we're too hung up on perfectly cut lawns and hedges. I just can't imagine my heathen ancestors giving a damn about the grass being cut when plotting tribal wars etc lol. I really do admire your work ethic though David and how productive you are.
{{{David}}} Gossip and criticism cut deep. And of course, no one has been in your shoes and knows what you have been through. One of the things I respect about our program is that it clearly asks us to avoid gossip and criticism. Alanon teaches us not to judge others, and to look at ourselves for defects and focus and improvement, ODAT.
David thank you for sharing and I like what Lyne said
Small towns and somebody starts a rumor about somebody and accuses them of something can be really hurtful. I lived in small towns all my life and this one town I left my beloved town and friends in school to this town next-door where the schools were rivals in football and the minute they found out my mother was an alcoholic its spread through the school and of course I was from the rival school and it was awful I was gossiped about I was bullied, I was treated like crap and that school and you know , To this day, I get email invitations for anniversaries and reunions and I was asked by the class president why I dont respond and seem so distant from everybody because I just dont share with anybody but my one good friend who loved and accepted me as I was. And we are friends to this day anyway I finally told him he asked me in a public post to all the other members you know one of those reply all email things so I wrote back and I said why would I want to go back to that school to the awful memories that I had of been bullied and shamed for something that I could not help, my mother was an alcoholic, it is true, but that had nothing to do with me. But I was judged and shamed and bullied and I have no intentions of ever putting forth the effort to visit with a bunch of people I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten and I will not participate in any sharing or visiting or I mean theyre in Massachusetts so Ive got a good excuse there but I didnt make excuses about distance I told him I just flat did not want to go and the whole darn class saw the post because he asked me in public I answered him in public, my girlfriend called me and she said good on you she said you were not rude you were mature and dignified and you let them have it with both barrels and she said she was proud of me for standing up for myself and getting it out there I did not name names who was the worst to me or anything like that I just said that I gave it all over to karma and as far as Im concerned that school does not exist. I had a couple of them apologize to me and tell me they did not realize it was that bad and that they were sorry that happened I had a couple reach out but the rest of them didnt even acknowledge it so you know? When people show me what and Who they are, I believe them and I just disconnect
Im sorry you had that experience. It really cuts deep when something like that happens and you were impacted financially as well. What are you rose above it and you came out of it a better person so just keep coming back
Thanks y'all for your shares- which bought tears to my eyes.
Our service went well today. Things were pretty fuzzy- with everyone coming out of lock-down.
Our old customs and habits seem to have been forgotten. But everyone is in the same boat!
I took on the role of reading out the names of the fallen. I had written a local history in 2012- and knew a lot about these people. As I was getting through the list I teared up. Like going through a large pothole- but I slowly pulled out of that and finished the list.
I was in the armed forces for 40 minutes. We had a ballot system and my birthdate came up. I showed up at the recruitment centre on a cold afternoon to be measured and weighed. The Doctor said that I could bail out- if a wished- on medical lines. I had long hair half way done my back and bare feet. I declined.
Over the next few months I pondered this decision. I was due to be trained for overseas service.
I had no appetite for killing peasants and their families. I basically lived in the peasant economy myself. But I had sheep, and not rice.
My dad, grandmother, both grandfathers, and a number of uncles had all served. Great uncles and great great uncles.
So I was happy to go over as a stretcher bearer, to pick up the pieces.
What happened was that our government changed in NZ- and they abolished compulsory military training. The war ended not long after that, anyway.
Today follow the well-known experts on trauma and C-PTSD.
How the body stores away the impressions and responses that happen in our lives.
I have therapist now who is a breathing expert- and well up to speed with trauma issues.
I always encourage people to sort the journey early in life. I believe that the older we are the harder it is to left go of the trauma.
I found it almost impossible- but not quite.
Our 12 step groups can help us learn to trust and to bond together in a neutral environment.
I am biased, but I think groups are more or less essential!
And I believe that our groups work in tandem with professionals. Symbiotic.
But going through rituals of encounter and rites of passage gives us boundaries, in my view.
Today, at Anzac Day was a biggee for me... I was a flag boy, an ensign, for two years.
This year I ran my own service, and trained an 11 year old kid to do the flag.
Thanks for reading this. 
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