The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The first line of the reading for Monday, 4/19, is as follows: Learning about alcoholism has helped me to find serenity after years of struggling. It goes on to say that alcoholics have a diseasethey are ill, not bad. We can learn what is and is not reasonable to expect. We can adjust our expectations so we dont set ourselves up for constant disappointment. For example, we should not expect a drinking alcoholic to keep every promise. Life can become more manageable and we might find compassion. By learning about the illness, we can make better choices for ourselves.
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This reading is my story for sure. I used to be disappointed over and over again, about the same things, with keeping expectations that were never going to be met. An example in my life was my As promise to stop drinking, but of course, that never happened. It is possible at the time the promise was being made, my A thought it was going to be attained. But without help and a sincere desire to stop drinking, it was just a lie that hurt me on a regular basis.
I have changed my expectations and learned valuable lessons and life skills that allow me to feel a sense of freedom from this disease. I do feel happy and at peace much of the time, and I am able to treat my A with dignity and respect most of the time. Life is better for sure. There is no bread in the hardware store!
Thanks Lyne for this reminder post for me which often brings tears to my heart and eyes when I remember my physical reactions to my alcoholic/addict until I learned more and accepted the reality of the lessons. Before I learned and accepted I almost took her life one early morning when she drug herself back into the house from a drunk and use.
In the morning when I looked at her face I found it hard to believe that she was still alive, surviving the beating. I had beat up a sick person who was not at all healthy and needed the hospital. I did not know and did not know I did not know. Meeting my sponsor got me the message that I was going to have to learn everything I could to understand alcoholism and drug addiction. I did so including college education. I never hit and battered her again or wish to do the same to others.
I have cried often over the years as the pictures reappear in my memory even as I also hear her words, "I deserved that" and then again at another event, "Please don't beat me again". My tears have re-emerged and I feel my Higher Power''s hand on my shoulder.
I am back in Clovis where and when this reaction to the disease and other things happened. I haven't seen her since coming back except in memory. Higher Power has used her recovery to urge and increase my own. Today I know I love her and hate the disease which took our lives and sanity when it raged.
Again thanks for the reminder. I pray for the sick and their families daily. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you Lyne for your service, and tho those who have shared their strength.
I completely agree that it is good to become educated about this disease and what it can do to those that are afflicted. It helps you to understand what you can and cannot tolerate, but also come to the understanding that there are real biochemical changes in the brain that take place. The afflicted don't do some of the classic behaviors because it is a moral failing. I like to think of it as it is the disease doing it's best to hang on... like a cancerous tumor that is genetically programmed to have a bigger than normal blood supply.
Have a great week everyone! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. While my mind can grasp Alcoholism as a disease, there are times my heart still doesn't fully 'get it'. Yet, when I remain open and willing, I am reminded often how deeply this disease affects those I love.
I remember when I first stumbled upon the idea of hating the disease while loving the diseased. The disease is not an excuse ever for unacceptable behavior, yet when I remember that I have the choice to let it go or take it personally, it helps me get along with my day and stay on my path for my own serenity and joy.
I remind myself each day that what I think is best is not necessarily what another thinks is best. While I hold onto hope always for those I love with this disease, giving them to the God of their understanding helps me be free, one day at a time. Today, we are celebrating 30 years of marriage. We are headed to golf and will grill steaks later. While it's a lovely day and I'm grateful for where I am, it's just no different than yesterday. I did not wake up with more joy or more love or more serenity - I just woke up and carry on with my day.
'This' is the life I want. To me, with the grace of this program, every day is a celebration. I don't 'need' attention, gifts, cards, other to be valued today; I am just grateful to have clarity in my mind and heart. The sun is shining, spring is here and I truly have all that I need...in spite of this disease and how damaging it is.
Enjoy your Monday MIP! Find and keep your joy, you're worth it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hey Lyne. Thanks for your service and a really nice post. This is how I sorted things out with my brother. Zero or low expectations keeps me from resentments--he is a good person, but he is an alcoholic, he means well and he is so honest and truthful but I do not believe his promises because I have gotten set up for a let down and I know he does not mean to hurt me but when I let go Of the expectations, and just took every promise with a grain of salt and said oh yeah, in my mind, Ill believe it when I see it, and I dont get all excited and do the happy dance when he says hes going to send me something or something because too often he gets drunk and it doesnt happen. I can love him but I have really disconnected from the disease and thats how I get along so well with him
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