Hi y'all...  

I am allowed to dream... it is Saturday morning here. We are surrounded by mountains- and there is a light dusting of snow on the biggest one.

I am thinking that there is an Alanon meeting, or similar, in every corner of the world. Something like Mend Inc. where people can go into a safe space- and be real. Be accepted. Be able to share what is on there heart.

Our household is peaceful. My primary relationship is peaceful- convivial. Sometimes i cannot believe this has happened. Can't believe that i deserve this. 

Here, right here, with MIP Alanon I can join a meeting, and share- at any time of the day and night, which is a big luxury!  

I went to my f2f meeting, Thursday. There was once three of us regulars. Now there is four. I was in a blue funk that meeting- but by going I realised this one. Realised that i was getting out of kilter- and corrected.

I work another programme too [which is not AA or NA].  I once thought that I would leave Alanon behind. But no. Today i use two daily readers- and Alanon is one of them.

Over the pandemic I realised that I could attend zoom meetings, or chat meeting almost anywhere. For the first time I did not actually feel like a newcomer. I no longer need lots and lots of meetings.

I just need a regular meeting- and to keep up regular attendance. 

I now realise that I suffered from brain fog much of may life. Also called dissociation, or emotional numbing.

I was thinking- dysregulation- last week. There are chemical and physical changes in the body- which appear to be very very difficult to shake off. My mind conjures an image of a sabre tooth tiger clinging to my back- with it's claws. And I am struggling to shake it off. it is that bad!

Horrific.

But my mind- or higher power created a word- co-regulation.

I think immediately of the Bill W. Doctor Bob scenario- and the magic- or grit and determination, that this created.

I can transfer this idea directly back into Alanon. The way that we relate in a deeper and deeper way.

To use "big words". From co-dependency to co-regulation.

This is mostly a slow and gradual process- where we learn to trust other people, and we learn to bond socially.

"Finding and discovering good company."

One of my meditations- as a field worker- was to pause- and to look at the sky. I would run my eyes around the horizon- and centre myself. And then get back to work.

Straightening my back was a survival move. To try and keep everything in balance and functioning.

Last after noon I was selling poppies. I sat in the sun with an old soldier- and we spent time in animated conversation. He actually gave his own life story. In between sentences people gave donations and took poppies for themselves and for family.

I was acutely aware- of people who only had themself. Those who had young family. One woman bought a poppy for her elderly mother- an act of charity and love.

As I set these words down- right here and now- I am aware that my mind is alert- that my mind and emotions are in cinque. My spirit floats somewhere between the two.

I was left with a table and two chairs. I went into the shop- and asked where they went. The manager said to put them in the back of the ship. Oh my! That is the ANZAC spirit. Our oldest member is 101 years old. He, and all the members, are encouraged to keep volunteering and contributing as long as we are able.

No-one is treated like an old crock!

We are encouraged in self-reliance- right to the very end.

Had left a half bucket of poppies outside of the shop- beside the postbox.

The postal worker seemed pleased that I had not forgotten it. I Knew her and we exchanged a few pleasantries.

Round the back of the shop were a group of eight boys. Friday afternoon, and the start of school holidays. They had bikes.
One asked me if he could have a poppy. I made a rapid call. The ranks of our serving members is thinning out very fast. Our goal is to have ANZAC day continue forever. And we have to embrace and engage the young!

So I gave him one. And they all wanted one too. It was like a sacred ceremony. Almost tribal.

We swapped war stories.

It was so humble. 

It made me realise- in a spiritual way, what those women and men had sacrificed for. Something special. Something eternal.

The sun- right on cue- is shining through the kitchen window to my right.

I no longer have to work Saturdays- or any day I don't want to.

We have a grand-daughter's birthday this afternoon. One set of grandparents are going away to live in Western Australia. So there will be a find farewell, as well.

I had other things to share as well- but that can wait until tomorrow- or next week.

Not so much grunge- as there used to be.

The fog is lifting.  ... 

Thanks.