The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer of today's page discovered having a choice about their own attitude, and how the way we interpret an event is the key to happiness. Instead of always waiting for others to show love and approval -- and being unhappy when it was never shown in the desired way -- the writer has learned in Al-Anon that they are lovable, no matter what anyone else says or thinks. They have a choice: to feel sorry for themselves, or to experience self-love and self-appreciation.
Today's Reminder: It's time to stop waiting for others to take care of me. The only person who can love me the way I want to be loved is me.
Quote from Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism: "Gradually I accepted the fact that my 'if only' wishes were not about to come true. But I also learned that I could be happy even if they didn't."
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I related to this page from the first sentence, where the writer says that when they came into Al-Anon they were in so much pain that they were completely open to whatever the program and its members were willing to teach. That was me! I even got past the "God" stuff, which I didn't believe in, and the slogans, which I thought were silly. I was desperate.
I remember the day I really heard the words that were read in the meeting script, "Changed attitudes aid recovery." That's when I figured out what the program was about. And around that time, I became willing to focus on my own recovery, which meant changing my attitude about quite a number of people and their behaviors. Now, some of those attitudes of mine took time to change. And even the writer of this page admits that sometimes they still feel sorry for themselves. But I do see my attitude as a choice I have. I am not trapped in negative attitudes or in fears. I have seen the way out, and I have to keep on that pathway, even if sometimes I slip backwards.
I used to really dislike the phrase "Choose to have a great day," said by some cheerful person. Well, I may not like to admit it, but most days, I really do have that choice.
Thank you Freetime for your service, ESH and today's reading.
I agree that attitude is key, it is directly responsible for helping me react to disappointment in
a way that is productive and I found that gratitude is the catalyst. When I am proud of my
ability to be happy with myself then I can more easily cope with unhappy life events, is like
a full circle, that starts with me.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have". Frederick Keonig
-- Edited by Debb on Friday 16th of April 2021 07:41:30 AM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
Thanks FT for your service and for both above shares. "Let it begin with me" right? I used to hate hearing I had a "choice" and I didn't have to be miserable. But depending on others for my feelings and self-definition, put me in a losing situation. These concepts about "attitude" and "gratitude" were all foreign to me, but over time they did sink in and they do work. Last week I did get stuck in a set back for several days, just feeling broken in many ways. The the cloud did clear and I used all the program tools for help--my sponsor, an extra meeting, and I actually felt better after leading my F2F zoom meeting--it seemed to break the spell! Grateful member.
Thank you Freetime for your service and thank you Lyne and Debb for sharing.
This reading is very timely for me, this morning I was very upset and depressed because a person I thought I was relying on emotionally ignored me, and I felt so rejected, just like the reading sayd.
Then this afternoon I journalled about my feelings, let them go, shared in a couple of recovery groups and felt so much better.
Acceptance doesn't come from where I think it should come.
But it always comes, this is the greatest gift. And yes acceptance it my choice, but I can only make the choice once my feelings were heard and validated, and not before that ...
Good morning MIP & Happy Friday to one and all. Years ago, as part of a training class for a corporation I was working for, I got a book titled, "Attitude: Your Most Priceless Possession". I was young, new to the professional world, and truly thought I knew it all. As such, I thought this class, the text and the intent was beneath me and silly - after all, aren't your brain/intelligence/other much more important?
Flash forward to recovery. As I cleared the chaotic fog within my own brain and way of thinking, and heard that changed attitudes aid recovery, this book and title popped into my head. I still have the text and pulled it out to read, because, why not? My 'closed mind' existed well before this disease became active in those I love deeply and dearly - my will, my way, my ego have possibly been skewed longer than I know.
What I truly love about recovery is we are asked to just focus on this day, one day at a time. Each morning, I have a choice how I see the past and the future as well as the present. I work hard daily to be present, leave the past sit and not draw upon it to determine my attitude/outlook for this day. I love to view this day as a fresh start early in the morning and then as the day unfolds, focus on learning and being different/better than the day before.
I am sincerely amazed how affected my day is by my attitude. When I lean into my HP and program at the start of a day, with genuine intent on making this day awesome, things do go much, much better. Apparently, 'more has been revealed' to me and for that, I am grateful.
I'm supposed to volunteer at the golf course this afternoon to dark. We are also to get some rain for most of the day. We shall see how all this unfolds! Make it a great day all...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Freetime for this great reminder, and to all the members who have shared above.
I am working on having my inside be as happy as my outside (that which I show to others). I am finding that an "Attitude of Gratitude" is really helping in this task!! So I begin my day with my Gratitude List... such a better way to start my day!
I hope you all enjoy this Friday, and find some JOY in the day!!
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good afternoon. Great shares everyone,thanks so much.
This is exactly what I needed today. I am not feeling well at all from my 2nd Covid vaccination and I am exhausted from not sleeping much at all last night.
I was feeling sorry for myself and upset because I was telling AH about how I'm feeling and he didn't even acknowledge I was speaking at all. It hurt,it made me feel so uncared for,so insignificant. He left(as always) and I went to bed,deciding there was no reason to get back up.
But then I started thinking about how there's just simply no bread in this hardware store. Which made me start thinking about this program. Which made me start thinking about how I don't have to let his lack of kind words take me down. I have much to be grateful for,I do have people that care about me. And most importantly, I am fully vaccinated now. I will feel more safe going out in a few weeks and being around people again. There's good things to look forward to,my gosh,I will be getting a haircut and color soon,something I haven't done since this pandemic started. I won't look like a wild cave woman anymore with this super long, crazy hair.
And that led me to coming here and reading all your shares. And Now,although I am running a fever and feel like I've been hit by a truck,I feel so much better.
Dear Freetime. Thank you for your service and what hit me was my attitude is a choice. When something occurs and the data is entering my brain, a lot of times my attitude is oh here I go again getting hit again by life, been victimized again and thats my crappy attitude that saying that. Like stuff happens and I can choose to fight it or back off and breathe and yeah I had trouble with a God thingy too. . I am admittedly agnostic about some things, like I believe there is a loving God and Jesus but I am real agnostic about how involved they are in our daily lives and so I have been doing a lot of looking within me because I am a child of the universe and I am part of this beautiful universe and so therefore I have everything I need within me to at least manage if not overcome but Ive got this awful thing where when something doesnt work like I cant get something to work or I get resistance when Im doing a task or things start going wrong and I just get so angry because I feel like I am not in control of my life instead of just backing off and saying OK not everything is going to go smooth, lets work around it I am getting a little bit better but I need a whole lot more work and the slowing down and paying attention thats another thing when I do stupid things out of not being able to slow down and pay attention to what I am doing, I get so triggered I think that is the biggest hurdle for me and my attitude about it sucks I just get so down on me about it. And I am sure it is part of the complex PTSD but the big thing for me is to just be real and own what I am doing. Dont try to rationalize it or excuse it just accept it and see it for what it is and lots of self talk if only I could hit the pause button before I start reacting and acting out, life would be so much easier but I just jump to action I just react like the last couple of days has been really bad with it and so I get down on me and my attitude gets really crappy so I am going to get back into my journaling and try to do encouraging and positive self talk the journaling really helps me. Thanks for a great share and your service
Attotife is .most certainly.everything. The place I have been working at for s short time was nkt.practosing social distancing. Then they out in.another pricess that created even more risk. I ted flagged that practice and that red f llk aggimg
I.raised an objection to this and k a out establishing the boundaries
However those boundary breakers see out there. They love to r UK nnover nomdaries. Then when you are trying to invent those boundaries they act like you are a crazy person
That is s real challenge but I have a reason to have boundaries namely health concerns. Needless to.say when people treat you like a crazy person for having boundaries it is somewhat demoralising
Well social distancing is definitely a preventive strategy. Every one of the people who refused to do it came down with the new variant of Covid. They were all really cavalier about the virus. They are all oretty sick and have been off work for quite a while. So much for being vindicated
Certainly my attitude has changed towards having boundaries.
I.stick to.them pretty closely. I do not let people calling me and names and disparaging me stop me. I stopped being a target
Of course having boundaries mahes me feel much better. I have limits these days. Limits are lart of having a secure base.
Accumulating see secure nass is the way for me to.gain on the affect regulation. Being calm collected and focused is most definitely a big change in attitude for me
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