The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 4/12, talks about how we may wish for a quick fix or an immediate solution, even if the problem has existed for decades. Grant me patience, Lordand hurry! Some people will even launch into self-blame, as though there is something wrong with them because they cannot alleviate the problem. Alanons suggestion is to surrender, accept their discomfort, and pray for guidance.
Reminder: Willpower cannot eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.
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Ive heard in a meeting more than once, give time time. I will try not to drive myself crazy to fix things, as I did before recovery. All that did was give me anxiety and discomfort. It helps me to pause and take a deep breath. Saying the Serenity Prayer can help slow down my thinking. My brother is facing a serious health issue. He has to consult with surgeons and figure out the best course to take. It feels like an eternity to me to have all the answers and for him to decide what to do. I just have to wait this out with/for him. I hold him up to HP for help every morning. I try to listen with compassion and not give him my anxiety about his health. Time.
Today I was reflecting on the words:- Impulse control. These did not come from Alanon, obviously. I describes the condition of people who try to control, rather than manage situations and events going on around them. Raging around them.
The rage bit is not necessarily coming from us. But it is impacting on us- strongly.
Sometimes it is coming from us- or simmering- anger-rage-fear-terror-grief.
Also the same source as joy-happiness- emotional intimacy- empathy...
The impulse control line comes from practitioners in the field of trauma- C-PTSD...
...but I see it clearly also- in the Alanon opening:-
"Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it."
The last three words resonate with me. It does explain why I am looking under rocks for what awareness and consciousness is about.
I find that- in groups- more than anywhere. Where listening and awareness is acute.
And it sometimes drifts in- before we are fully aware of it. ...
The line I quite- I also pulled out when codependency became as new buzz word.
The word itself may not have applied to Alanon. But what it expresses, in my view, certainly does.
Sometimes cast my mind back to Anne and Lois, our founders.
And the special magic they discovered. "Damn your old meetings!"
And I always try to get back to the origins, the basics, the essentials.
And I can relate it completely to a modern world- where there are differences, but also many of the same things.
This is Monday afternoon and there is cooling rain outside.
I look at my surroundings- with pride and gratitude.
I like the most of this space- and headspace, by sharing from home.
Planning to get to my f2f meeting Thursday evening... ...
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares & ESH. By nature or nurture, I have had to make a concerted effort daily to practice patience. It's one of many areas where I'm so happy that we focus on progress and not perfection. There is no doubt that within me, I want what I want when I want it!! Of course, the 'wait' is truly the hardest of life events - no matter what I think I am waiting for to happen.
This is one area where our program has been grand for me. It's not gifted me with a ton more patience (darn it) but it has given me a variety of tools I can pick up and use when I am feeling impatient. Typically, for me, impatience is present because I fear I won't get what I think I need (or want) or I fear I will lose something/someone I think I need (or want). Our program helps me to remember that I have a Higher Power who is really in charge, and it's not me.
I do believe the more I care for my spiritual program, the faster I can find calm when I am impatient, uncertain or anxious. I am grateful to know there's a better, more healthy option than sitting, stewing, fretting and hoping for 'my will' and 'my way'.
Happy, happy Monday all - it's a bit cloud and cooler here to day. I believe there will be a new roof on my home at some point this week - which means there's going to be a whole lotta banging going on here!! Make it a great, great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you so much for your experience strength and hope. My former qualifier had many health issues. During my relationship he uncovered two serious conditions. He had excellent healthcare from the VA. Their care was state of the art.
Worrying about someone else's health was extremely difficult.
Indeed it is a real miracle the qualifier survived. Alcoholism and addiction swallowed up his brother. Now I.think the qualifier survives because he is such a phenomenal manipulator. He has the ability to turn his mood around on a dime. He can switch from being in any kind of a.mood to agreeable genial in a heartbeat
I have no such ability.
Early on in my recovery I realised I had to give up manipulating.
What I didnt give up of course was the opportunity to be manipulated. That proclivity of course cost me dearly.
Feeling responsible for others was one of the ways I felt necessary to belong in this world. It was a way to say I am not like my family I care, I empathize, I put in the work.
What was left out of cours was the ability to exercise self care to empathize with myself and to set limits.
Dealing with the medical establishment in Covid is especially difficult. Frustration is a normal part of dealing with them. Covid amplifies that times a hundred
That is s lot to contend with. I hope you have built in your program the opportunity to regroup and sustain yourself
Sorry to hear about your brother and I hope it gets sorted out really soon. Thanks for this post and your service as I really needed to see this today. I have been kind of depressed this past couple of days wondering what am I even doing here? What is my purpose? Do I have a purpose? Its like Im in the hallway, I am provided for but its like I have nothing or no one who needs me or a place to go so to speak. I try to do things like fixing up the house and spring cleaning and stuff to feel like Ive got A purpose but Im running out of things to do and Ive got to watch my money because unemployment runs out September 4 and if I dont have another client, pretty regular, I am going to be in a bad spot so I just keep trying to go just one day at a time and just keep using the law of attraction with gratitude even though I dont see even a glimpse of prayers answered. Like you said give time time, Im in my 70s now and Im just exhausted from having to struggle for so long. Sometimes it one hour at a time, I Thank you for posting this its something I needed to see
Thank you for posting.
Very timely for me, I have some projects for this year and want them finished by yesterday. (why aren't they done yet what's keeping them?)
This is what I needed to read ...
My father in law has been through a long disease, and he died last year after 20 years of agony.
hubby and I felt as if we were able to breathe again after such a long while. Our lives have been so impacted and we weren't equipped to deal with it. Our couple suffered, and our kids too. As did all of our relationships, everything was turning around my sick fil.
Towards the end detachement finally came, but I really whished I had the tools from the beginning, I feel that I wasted so many years waiting for a miracle to happen to my fil, and it never happened, he died slowly from a long disease, is never got better, only worse, and I could not accept that until the end... nore did anyone from hubby's family, they fought over treatments, doctors, hospitals, money, and it tore a part a family ... that was already dysfunctional and had been through a lot ..
I just want to say ... I know how you feel .... I hear you
My.mother who I.was estranged from for years had a very difficult transition. During her last few years she was extremely demanding. The demand very much fell on my.younger sister. My elder sister has relied on denial throughout my mothers illness
Eventually they did sort out some form of care
There is a saying #we die as we live#
My mother lived in chaos surrounded by a circle of blame and conflict which she set up pretty accurately
.
I had a former boyfriend who was a musician. He lived for music. Unfortunately he never made any money at it (although he was very talented) He set up.a system for himself where he was taken care of by others. Eventually he found an extremely fe serious benefactor. That is really really generous. Thar house is the house he died in..
For those of is who come from dysfunctional families it is hard for us to see suffering
In the case of both my mother and my former boyfriend they were not necessarily that unhappy. Both my mother and my former boyfriend were pretty good at imposing on others
I have had to adept a lot of boundaries not to be imposed on. A soon to be former co worker imposed on me recently at work. She soon learned that I was not her dumping ground
I now have boundaries. That doesn't mean I dont help.people I do. I dont have it swallow me up like it always has. And regarding certain people who have crossed my boundaries I really do not care if they live or die. As far as I am concerned they no longer exist.
Now, if not sooner! 
Thanks Lyne...