The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays ODAT speaks to us about the alcoholic who has reached a sobriety state and that our expectations that it is a complete transformation
for the alcoholic and our lives is not what we may expect. There still remains, struggles for them and they will still experience periods of
moodiness and personality problems because what drove them to drink still remains and there are so many adjustments to their new way of life.
This ODAT reading suggests that we feel grateful through this process because it is these essential stages that will restore us both to a contented
normal state.
Todays reminder:
When other things now trouble me in our relationship, I will remember how ardently I wished and prayed that the alcoholic might be released from
the compulsion to drink. Now that sobriety has been realized, I will be patient with all that disturbs me." "No matter what other difficulties interpose
themselves between me and my serenity, I will hold on to my faith in ultimate good.
....the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. (The Epistle General of James)
I have learned that sobriety can be very difficult physically, due to withdrawal, and that the Al-Anon tools that give us personal strength are the same
tools to be used when the alcoholic in our lives is in sobriety.
We still do not have control because the sobriety belongs to the alcoholic. We do experience the anxieties/fears, only now those feelings are directed at the
alcoholics success/difficulties of the struggle for sobriety. Those Al-anon steps/slogans/traditions are still very important to use going forward under these
circumstances and holding onto our faith is just as important during sobriety as it was when the alcoholic in our lives was actively drinking. Detaching with
love and empathy will still be our most effective tool to maintain our peace and serenity.
Wishing everyone a lovely day today!
-- Edited by Debb on Wednesday 24th of February 2021 11:44:16 PM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
Thanks Debb for your service and share. I pray everyday that HP will help my A get the proper help. I do understand though, that sobriety would present its own set of issues and difficulties. No person/situation is perfect. If my spouse would reach sobriety, I believe then healing could take place however slowly, as it does occur for me with alanon. I just have to show up, keeping working on myself, and I will keep praying....
Thanks for today's share, Debb, and Lyne for your ESH.
I pray that my wife will find recovery, because sobriety and recovery are not the same thing, and sobriety without recovery, and an ongoing commitment to recovery, results in a scaled back version of the same things that were going on with active use.
I'm so glad that the Al-Anon program gives me the strength to be patience, and not force solutions.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Happy Thursday MIP. Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. I tend to pray every day for all that I love and those suffering from this disease and other disease. I no longer pray for my A(s) to get/stay sober as that feels like 'my will' - instead I just pray for God's will in their lives.
I am utterly powerless over all other people, places and things. Bearing witness to countless relapses in those I love has taught me that there are no guarantees in recovery, sobriety or life. Bearing witness to many relapses in AA of friends with long term sobriety has presented to me the power of this disease. I am fully aware and accept and embrace this is a cunning, baffling and powerful disease never, ever cured, only arrested, one day at a time.
In my marriage, the man I fell in love with and married is still 'there'. He's just sick from a deadly life-long disease. I am grateful that I no longer walk on eggshells or plan my days around his moods, attitudes, words, etc. It's been a relief to find my own self through Al-Anon recovery and come to realize and accept that I was an individual before I became part of a couple and I still am. I get to choose each day how I approach the day, those I love and what I do with my time & resources. Before recovery, I felt extremely depleted with all my resources sucked out of me by the disease and the diseased. I don't feel that way any longer and am grateful that I am working to put me first and choose me.
Many times, when talking with my sponsor, I wished to go back in time to when ...................................... She asked me if I thought I was the same as back then, to which I answered No. She asked if I thought I was healthier now or then, to which I answered now. She then asked me why I'd want to go back to a point in time where I was less healthy, to which I had no real good answer. She helped me see that what I really wanted was for my spouse to be healthy, happy & whole. This too is added to my prayers.
I have no doubt there are parts of me today (in recovery) that my AH doesn't like. Just as there are parts of him today (in active disease) that I don't like. He tends to leave me to it unless/until provoked. Provocation around here doesn't take much - a question with an inflection, or one perceived as nosy can set the stage for chaos/drama. So, wisely, I tend to my side of the street and don't ask many questions. I have been without a car for three weeks today, and haven't needed a ride from him yet. I have asked him to pick up curb-side groceries only and he's been willing. He's got a vested interest in 'this' as he likes to eat!!
So, I found myself no longer praying for sobriety as we've had moments of it and the relapse to active disease was almost unbearable. These events led me to realize that no matter how much improvement I was making through my recovery, I still had some amount of my joy and serenity tied to their actions/attitudes/etc. Acceptance really is the answer to all my problems today. Whenever I find myself disturbed about another person, place, thing or event, the issue and answer resides within me.
Make it a great day family - it's kind of cold and cloudy here! I was to golf today and we declined due to weather. The car I had been negotiating on got sold yesterday so I'm 'back' to square one or so. My golf friends have been kind enough to give me rides and I've now been nicknamed, Miss Daisy from the movie, Driving Miss Daisy. It makes us all laugh which brings me joy!! (((Hugs))) to all.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
All great and helpful shares here,thanks everyone.
I had this belief that if AH got off of one specific drug our lives would change for the better. He did get off of that one but substituted with another,and another and another. Addiction is a horrible disease and I hope someday he will find recovery.
I hope to eventually get to the point where I can just 100% accept things as they are,for how they are without all the wishing for it to be different. I have 2 kids that are A's, it's so different with them, I encourage them, I accept what is and I learned years ago to not have expectations. I have hope, I have always had hope for them and always will of course, but I don't set myself up for heartache and disappointment by convincing myself that 'this time will be different" anymore. It was too painful to keep doing that to myself and now I fully accept things as they are. And I just love them, it's all I can do.
I am not that way with AH. Maybe I need to spend some time reflecting on why that is.
Hi to everyone,I loved all the sharings, when I read them, I see so much love and caring to each and everyone in this program. With Sobriety, I only saw it for a few weeks within my 1st marriage, I wasn't in Al-Anon at the time. It felt wonderful though, for the first time, I saw a different person, it was soon to be challenged. As our eldest daughter was sick, and was on medication, she was only about 7/8, and we both came in to see that she had taken far too many of the tablets. I had mistakenly left them near her, I could see she was affected, in a drugged state, so off to the Doctor/Hospital, which was miles away. He was absolutely marvellous, supportive, not like I thought he would have been other days. He wasn't aggressive, a total different person from the one we lived with.
Thankfully, our daughter was okay, she came through it, but what a scare we both had. It was after that, because things were so good, I decided to try to have another baby, we had 2 girls. So off I went and got pregnant, I was about nearly 3months, and then knew something was wrong. I started to have a miscarriage, that night after a visit to the Doctor, I was bedridden, and my husband went out and started drinking again. So all hell broke out again, he reverted back to who he was before, when I lost the baby, he wasn't there, around, I went through it alone. He never tried to get sober after that. But I can always remember those 6 weeks of heaven.
When I remarried a 2nd Alcoholic, and discovered that I had gone and done it again, I was speaking to a AA and he told me something I never ever forgot. He told me that my husband might never choose to get sober. I had started to go to Al-Anon, and chose to work on my recovery, and try to understand the Disease both for myself, him, and my children. Of how to live with it. I tried to help him, talked about AA, he knew I was in Al-Anon, but he wouldn't let me, he never ever got sober. He died, alone, on a pavement from a massive heartache. Thankfully, because of Al-Anon we remained friends as much as the Disease let us.
