The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What a pleasant wonderful morning though I woke up after fruitless sleep. It was the usual PTSD sleep process, ages old with some workable changes. I dreamt of sessions I had in the past with my deceased sponsor Don.T. on the lessons of feelings being choices. When he first mentioned that to me I self centeredly admitted I had chosen an idiot for a sponsor and then decided to follow the Al-Anon suggestion about listening, listening, listening...deeply. He was older than I and the manager of a winery so I figured he might have some thing. He did. He told me that if what I was feeling was causing me pain I should practice feeling what and how I liked. It took time to understand that. I thought feelings were automatic and that I had no choice or control about what feeling came and when. We talked about the different aspects of different emotions; what they looked like, sounded like, felt like and such and then we went into practice sessions and discussions to find out how I got things crooked. I left him still with the impression that he was nuts. I would try the subject out with my VA/AA therapist who asked me how I felt about how an affair was coming out between my alcoholic/addict and I. I told him that I was feeling like shit and he responded, "So you feel like and brown, smelly pile of crap that the dog left in the yard". I reacted, "What the hell is the matter with you? Don't you understand?" He didn't get the picture or I didn't..."Jerry what you described was a picture of a thing and not a feeling". I got it!! and then stopped using metaphors that were out of context.
I was raised in a culture that was and still is very metaphorical in communications only I don't any more.
Feelings are not things. They are choices and I needs to use the right choices. Today I can change the picture of dog crap into smiles from my grandchildren, little birds and their music, puppies and more.
My wife bought a fuzzy little valentines bear cub for our grand daughter and I haven't stopped smiling yet.
I am imagining your smiles and laughs that you are choosing to have today.
Jerry and all, thank you! This is my assignment, for sure. Managing my feelings -- it's my job, my choice. Not always easy to do! I have to open up my toolbox. Gratitude is a good tool for changing feelings, and so is reaching out to others, or just changing my environment: Maybe just stepping outside into nature, or even just taking a shower!!
Happy Valentine's Day to all, and I will quote my favorite quote about Love, which I heard from Jerry: " Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are."
Feelings are not things,they are choices isn't something I've heard before. I like that.
Most times it doesn't feel like a choice to me, especially with PTSD. I am realizing that feelings are not facts though. And I'm working really hard to just let them pass without reacting. It's hard work and takes lots of intense mindfulness. Sometimes it feels tiresome to try to constantly stay consciously aware of all that I say and do,and what I'm feeling. The benefits are worth it though when I am able to.
Thanks for all these introspective and logical threads. I like listening to all of you....thats one of the ways program has sunk in.
Last night while having dinner with my A spouse, we ended up in a discussion about how we do not meet each others expectations. Its overall very sad. Its not a new discussion, and yet after I finished all my chores for the day, I say on the couch with my feet up, my little dog next to me, and played my favorite game on my phone for about a half hour. I felt at peace. And today Im carrying on, have exercised, am making a nice dinner for us later, will FaceTime with my sister who lives across the country, and I just felt after all this work in program, I can be OK no matter what the A is doing. Its kind of a miracle not to feel devastated today, but I dont. And maybe its part miracle, and part practice, practice, practice, detachment, live and let live, ODAT. What a fantastic program this is. :)
Happy belated Valentine's Day! I enjoyed my day and hope everyone else did as well. I love the concept that my feelings are my choice. I did not get this when I got here and did not understand how often I literally gave myself to causes that I had absolutely no chance of changing. I was a perpetually uptight, anxious, task-minded person who rarely lived in the present and the goodness of the present and life in general was passing me by.
I am excited each morning to rise and find gratitude for another day. I am at peace with practicing my program for my serenity/sanity and more better at unconditional acceptance and love of others. I now know I have a large tool box that I can use to help me retool, rethink, remodel me and my feelings and my attitudes/outlooks/responses/etc.
We are so, so fortunate to have recovery; so many others do not. While I still have a fond 'hate' for this disease, I can also be glad that one of the positives is it brought me to recovery, MIP and all of you. Thanks for the many shares/ESH & thanks for being here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
