The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello MIP friends, I am posting quite late and shorter than usual. I've been without internet for a few days, hopefully being fixed tomorrow, and this has been quite a lesson in Acceptance. But meanwhile, I am humbled to be able to post about this reading which tells me the true meaning of Detachment.
The author learned that stepping over their passed out alcoholic loved one and going about our own business-- is not the real meaning of AlAnon Detachment. Rather, putting a blanket over them and then going about our business is an example of Detachment with love.
I have done this, before I was in Alanon, when my husband fell out of bed with a seizure, and I was so angry, something told me to put a blanket over him before I walked out of the room. I was detached with anger, but I guess a higher power was whispering in.my ear.
Detachment is so important and so difficult to grasp, and it has taken me time to understand. I would encourage anyone to read this page ... I think it's a classic.
FT, thanks for your service and we are all lost without internet service. The world has changed in many ways. Both above shares are meaningful to me since I live with my A as well. I do many kind gestures for my A. One example is setting up coffee, juice, and vitamins, each night before I go to bed. I practice detachment probably every day. Sometimes I can do it with love and sometimes I cannot. I do get better at it all the time. Practice, practice, practice, acceptance, detachment, and let go and let God!
Thank you FT for your service and overcoming life's terms to post a great page, and all above for your ESH.
Detachment with love was a completely new concept for me upon finding AlAnon. Before that I had two operating modes: jump in to steer things as I thought they should go, or (and often following the first mode) walk away completely in anger, frustration, and/or disgust.
AlAnon and Detachment with Love were incredible finds for me as they opened up an entirely new perceptual, and eventually more consistently, behavior option. This allowed me to feel love and compassion for the alcoholic and others even when I didn't like what they did, without going to defcon ugly mode and feeling the icky feeling inside myself that always accompanied it.
So grateful for the wisdom and reminders of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Coming to this thread late, but oh, what a great hunk of wise ESH here!!!
I am still coming to terms that Detachment was not a long-term solution for me. I do occasionally have negative feelings about myself due to this particular concept.
TT I could really feel your share. Your share brought to mind how much living with an addicted person had changed ME!! I no longer recognized myself.
I am still peeling away my layers. Thank you all for such honesty. &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Oh my - when my tools don't work as designed, I lean into this program because the 'insane' me wants to throw 'it' out the window or 'terrorize the provider' while the more sane me tries to practice acceptance.
I can relate to what Paul wrote. I had no concept of detachment, let alone with any compassion or love. I'm grateful that we get to discover a whole bunch of tools to do better & be better. When I choose to use the tools and approach others with kindness, compassion and empathy, my heart feels better. My previous methods worked for a long while, until they did not.
I do like this page as it shows a simple example of how detachment can work. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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