Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Hope for Today Jan 10


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 975
Date:
Hope for Today Jan 10


Good morning everyone:

Todays reading is a focus on one aspect of the fallout from being a child of an alcoholic. The writer describes vowing never to drink (the vow many children of alcoholics make).  The writer finds another path to drunkenness though: feelings. The writer describes being unable to function as bad moods fall into complete depression.  Just as an alcoholic cannot drink, an emotional drunk cannot hold his/her feelings.  The writer addressed this by using the 1st step to accept powerlessness.  The writer decides to make small choices in order to feel a sense of control.  The smallest actions help to restore peacefulness.  The writer begins to learn how to have feelings without them controlling him/her.

I am comforted by making lists and paying attention to the small details I am able to accomplish, especially when feeling out of control, or that my feelings are steering my day. It is also helpful for me to acknowledge that sometimes I will feel:  tired, sad, joyful, anxious, peaceful and everything in between.  For those of us who lived with and/or grew up in alcoholic homes, being drawn to chaos is something to work on.  I realize that not everything that is familiar is actually healthy, for example! 

The thought for the day from todays page is a reminder that if we avail ourselves, our HP can do for us what we are unable to do for ourselves.

I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful Sunday.

Mary



__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 131
Date:

Mary, I just wanted to say Happy Sunday to you and thank you for your ESH, service and today's reading.

I do not have any experience living as a child of an alcoholic family, but wanted to say thank you to you

and wish you a good day as well.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2495
Date:

Mary, thank you for your service and your share. I too, am comforted by lists, and the feeling I get when I check something off that list! It is almost as if when I am feeling particularly down on myself, I can go to that list and say, "See! You are fine! You CAN do things effectively!"

I have never heard of the 'emotional drunk.' But interesting, and I can relate in many ways. I was a very, very emotional child. As an adult, I have to be careful not to absorb others' emotions as well. I can see these traits in my son, and we have discussed this concept (without the label) several times. I have shared tools that I use to help me. Yes, he knows about Al-Anon, and ACOA - but that his hoop to fill... he is lucky to have such resources!

My NFL team lost yesterday, so no post-season fun for me! I guess now I can watch post-season with complete indifference...it will certainly free up more weekend time!

Wishing all a peaceful Sunday Funday!

&



-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Sunday 10th of January 2021 11:49:33 AM

__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  ~ Mary Oliver

 

 



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 143
Date:

When I sat down to read today in my Hope for Today book half the page had been torn out. I didn't let it upset me because I knew I could come here and find out what it said. Plus I can order a new book if I want, the point is I decided to not let it get to me.

Growing up in a violent alcoholic home I learned to shut off all my emotions. I spent quite a few years in therapy learning to express and feel emotions instead of being numb. I guess I am an emotional drunk now because I have such a hard time managing what I do feel. All my emotions are so intense and I am working on allowing myself to feel them without being overwhelmed. It's not easy ,that's for sure. I have gone from one extreme to the other.

Chaos does feel familiar to me, it's basically all I have ever known. I'm trying to figure out how to live without it. I know there's been times I have picked at AH to start an argument and realized that's exactly what I was aiming for and trying to understand why I have done it. I absolutely hate chaos and drama yet it feels like I crave it at times.

But yeah ,happy Sunday everyone.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 10996
Date:

Happy Sunday MIP! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I did not grow up with active disease in my home, yet did grow up with the affects of the disease. Both of my parents had alcoholic fathers, so are untreated ACoA's. I got my drive for perfection, desire for order and a few more obsessions from my FOO. We did not express emotions; I am the youngest of 4 and the only daughter (I now refer to myself as the favorite daughter) so I learned to 'suck it up' and 'move on'.

Unfortunately, that really did not work out well. I can only speak for myself even though I see and experience patterns from my brothers that are less than healthy. Stuffing my emotions during my formative years created a melting pot of emotional chaos and stifled my maturity. I always felt inferior to others, and never felt like I fit in. For me, this all changed when I began exploring drugs/alcohol. Needless to say, mind altering substances filled a huge void in me that I didn't know I had and worked quite well for me until it didn't.

Fueling an immature soul with mind-altering substances creating one reaction to most life events - over-reactive, explosive anger. My reaction to sadness was anger. My reaction to loneliness was anger. My reaction to loss was anger. I could continue, but you get the point. I made great progress in recovery yet then again had a void that I didn't know what to do with or how to fill.

I still don't have the answers on how to fill my void, but I learn each and every day what doesn't work for me. Mind-altering substances don't work, blaming/shaming others doesn't work, pity-parties don't work, shopping doesn't work, eating doesn't work, obsessing doesn't work and I could go on and on and on. What I do know that at least brings me a daily reprieve from a undefined, undetermined deep void within me is my spiritual life, a continuous effort in connecting in a power great than I and choosing a positive over negative outlook each day, one day at a time.

Love and light all - (((Hugs))) too!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 932
Date:

I think.it is called affect dysregulation 

Of course an ACA would have it.  Emotionally drunk would not be accurate. 

Children need parents to co regulate their emotions 

That is how one learns to regulate them. We all need to learn how to calm down

If you have an alcoholic parent you do not get that.  You get some very dificult stuff to process instead 

 

Many of us hsve extremely dysfunctional parents

Then of course being around people who.are #put of control# with their emotions is contagious. 

Boundaries are essential. There are few bondaries in an alcoholic home 

Learning boundaries as an adult is excritiating. 

Overcoming shame, fear, anger is a really big task

Nevertheless I am taking it on 

I know I have support care and understanding 

I.am worth the investment

I.can truly come home. 

 

Maresie 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2562
Date:

Thanks Mary, and y'all... aww 

aww I can recall to the day- in my first group- when the topic came up that "we" were just as sick as the alcoholic.

    Right away I gave this some thought. I was not surprised at all to hear this. And I suppose- in a rudimentary

    it started my journey in the direction of self-care.

    I have been working on the theory that we can create boundaries through rites of passage.

   We see it clearly in Alanon through becoming a newcomer- moving at our own pace to the middle steps,

   And so on. Also the rituals of encounter- which do happen spontaneously- which give us the opportunity

   to get to know people in a climate of trust and respect. And our groups are a safe place to test and create boundaries.

   I was always fearful of making mistakes. But I needed to get to make this in order to learn. aww 

   It is a place where we can ask questions of ourselves- and also general questions- without fear of ridicule.

Lovely sunny day here over on the coast. I made a bit of a mistake with my painting. Before I got far into the job-

so I have to turn around a fix it. I am not the person to ask- if you want advice about a colour scheme! biggrin 

aww Thanks for the share. 



__________________

Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.