Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Self care redux


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 932
Date:
Self care redux


I have spent the last few days doing self care then setting up systems where I can continue that self care

However I note that many of my friends like me have neglected big portions of self care 

One of my friends for example went to Las Vegas for New Years. Quite apart from the fact that no one is supposed to travel, (Las Vegas was packed so lots of people chose to ignore that.) he has major health and dental issues he is not attending to 

I have already had to come to terms with that some people do not take care of themselves. I was one of them 

Now I am moving to another place I can see how off putting it is to others.

 Moreover I have to look at I am not going to get support from people who do not take care of themselves 

As you all know I hate the term #enable# 

However the issue is that I felt comfortable around people who were not taking care of themselves. No body told ne not to.   They just did not question why I didn't. No one #made# or #,helped,# me not take care of myself.  Enable is too strong a term. No one questioned it either. 

I am not questioning my friend.  I am beyond that.  Far far far neyond that. If he wants to spend thousands in Las vegas it is his choice.  A choice he made at the expense of his health. Another friend of mine got a DUI this year huge financial issues involved in that.  Addiction has huge financial consequences. 

Focusing on myself is indeed freeing. However when you focus on yourself it can be a lonely prospect 

Maresie 

 



-- Edited by Maresie888 on Saturday 9th of January 2021 10:46:33 AM

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2805
Date:

Thanks for the topic of self care as we begin a new year. This is something I always need to attend to but what it means for me personally evolves with my recovery progress. I have basic rituals in place - healthy eating, physical exercise, sleep, prayer and meditation. When I was new to Alanon these were very hard to practice daily. I simply didn't love myself enough. My focus on the alcoholics in my life in combination with disease's insistence to be the center of attention and giving in to that; my own care was secondary. Today these simple things of daily care are natural and habits thanks to program. I know in combination they help me to keep my physical and emotional balance, make me easier to live with, more serene and create a greater connection between myself and my higher power as Step 11 promises. From there I can extend my self care further with the joys of being of service to others in a healthy way, being open to love from others including furry friends and enjoy fun activities with others or using my hp given talents to create something beautiful. I have the power to change my mind, to define my well-being. It's been proven to me time and time again that my sanity and serenity are simply a prayer away. The loving higher power I've come to know since Alanon assures me I'm worth it. Today I respect, cherish, and care for my physical and emotional home as an offer of gratitude to that hp for each day I'm given. TT

__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Senior Member

Status: Online
Posts: 146
Date:

Self care, for me personally, is doing things that I enjoy doing. It's pampering myself, resting if I want to or need to, not cooking a big meal if I don't feel like doing it, etc. It's soaking in the tub, watching TV in bed. It's taking the time to style my hair even if I am staying home just because it's makes me feel better.

I intend on doing more self care in this new year. This morning I did 3 guided meditations just because I wanted to. I didn't worry about what else I "should" or "could" be doing or how long it would take. I absolutely love Deepak Chopra, for some reason his voice is soothing to me and i am going to make time to be soothed in that way as much as possible.

Yesterday I finally opened up my Fitbit and started walking for exercise again. I wanna shed those few extra stay-at-home pounds I have gained this year. The funny thing is when I was reading the instructions AH asked "who you trying to look hot for"? My reply was "myself". I'm not sure he believed me but it's the truth, I wanna look good for me ,not anyone else.

Self care for me is taking time to tend to my mental, physical and spiritual needs. Whatever they may be. And I need more of that.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1854
Date:

Self-care was a struggle for me most of my life, in so many ways. And to make the changes to treat myself physically and emotionally with TLC was painstakingly difficult. I have found it comes most easily now, after being in program about 8 yrs. I want to treat myself with respect. I had to learn this. I want to be kind to myself. I have learned I deserve this. I want to have compassion for myself. I used to just have it for others. If we were not taught these things while growing up, these are really hard behavior and attitude adjustments. But once I started practicing non abuse to me, its become second nature. If I can do it, others can too. Its a choice we can make. It enables me to feel free and I used to feel like I was in prison. Amen.

__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 932
Date:

Deb 

Thank you so much for your share about how you moved out of the freeze state 

Certainly I apent a lot of tme with the qualifier in a freeze state 

Recovery requires great courage and determination 

 

Maresie 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2562
Date:

 

I think I was locked onto the freeze state. It did seem impossible to work myself free. Locked up between "the what if's" and "the if-onlys...".

Throw in- 'learned helplessness' and numbing, and 'fear of abandonment'.

The fear is real. 



__________________

Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 10996
Date:

Great topic as we are into a new year. I also have daily routines that really keep me grounded and much more present. In spite of going nowhere, I do take care each morning to shower and dress vs. hang in my jammies most of the day. I must confess that my 'getting dressed' is not much more than my jammies and that's OK - as I age, I am about comfort.

I do work out each day and always in the morning. As a creature of habit, affected by this disease and easily distracted, I do it first thing so it's done, no matter how the day unfolds. I am very structured in my eating simply because it affects my health. I have spent more years that I care to admit finding comfort in food and am grateful to have made many changes in this area. My motto is that I eat to live instead of living to eat!!

Self-care for has expanded as I'm aged & as I've grown in life and recovery. I know now (and didn't know before) that whenever I begin to focus on others or negative aspects of my life that I am cheating myself out of the experiences of the here and now. I am a much more spiritual person, grounded in reality when I can stay with my head over my heart and feet. When I struggle to do this, I try to still be gentle with me as I really need to act as if I am my own best friend, through good and bad, and in God's time, I am restored again to both serenity and sanity.

I'm grateful that I am better at putting me first in my actions, thoughts and deeds. It is healthier and as I get saner and more healthy, I do seem to attract healthier friends for my circle. I have always liked the analogy of putting my oxygen on first in the plane before helping those around me. It makes sense to me and helps me understand that I am best able to be of service when I am in good 'shape' - emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. It does work when we work it!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

a4l


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1249
Date:

Thank you for the timely topic. I think what I am lacking most of all in my self care routine is sleep. Lovely, no later than 9pm sleep. I'm stuck in this bad habit if being so thrilled to be alone when the kids are asleep that I stay awake way too late reading and listening to podcasts trying to cram it all in. I probably should start saving also for monthly staycations so I get that break and have respite to look forward to. Time alone and sleep are two elements of self care I'm bringing in this year.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 932
Date:

In my #fawn# response to others I could be really attentive. I now need to know what I need to be attentive to me 

That seems like a puzzle. So I have to break it down 

What came naturally to me to care for others is not on the same circuit 

I have to redouble my.efforts 

Nevertheless despite these barriers i fee much mucb better than I.have in.a tear. Learning about complex ptsd has radicaized my recovery 

 

Mary 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 971
Date:

Mary,
David,

How did you find out about Complex PTSD? I'm not going to go turn myself in at this time, and I don't know if there is even any help here in Far Podunk. But can you recommend videos or books?

I think CPTSD may be me. I've been so inspired by a series of books I'm reading, and it feels like one step forward and one back, often, and I still feel gripped by fear from time to time.

I so enjoy the shares from both of you. Am amazed by the progress I see.

I think everyone on this board has been a Blessing to me in one way or another, and I am so grateful.

Hugs!
Temple

__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 932
Date:

Temple 

I keep researching 

Certainly the more you know the better it is 

Maresie 



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.