The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Christmas and New Year went well- smoothly... ...the previous year i fell deflated and sad. So over the year I moved more into the present. Successfully, as it appears.
The year's turning I always count down from June 21st, which is midwinter here.
My goal was to complete Step 12 last year and have a look at Tradition 5 this year. I went to three f2f meetings up the river late last year to start the process.
I was trying to let go lots- to get the higher power -power- promised in Step 12. Looking at that one I think it comes through all the steps, beginning with 2 and 3.
For three or four years I have been living with steps 10,11,12, without having to go back to Step 1.
This was always marked by a crisis, or a crash. The fear of this always haunted me- and blighted my life.
Grateful to be in a happy country. Grateful to have been among the 100s of 1000's who worked toward this end through our life...
...grateful to be a part of this family of choice... ... right there, pf course!
...I still have some issues, or concerns... and i always shall have.
People do give me some feedback sometimes. Is this as good as it gets?
Old age begins to creep in at the other end- that is something that the serenity prayer is good for. ...
Hey Debbie, I may as well be retired with what little work I am getting so my dogs are getting a lot of my company LOL and David you know I just look at this year is just another day. I set goals. Like my goal for this year is to connect better with my inner self and my higher power within me and also to be more mindful and pay attention to my body and to keep working my physical therapy and moving forward just reasonable doable goals that help me feel healthy or healthier or I should say mentally and emotionally and physically, when I had that awful back spasm which thank God is nearly healed but I am not going to strain it or I should say go full use of it until six more weeks but it is healing nicely all this physiotherapy is really helping I feel more limber, less sore, I am paying attention to my body and when I feel discomfort I back off but to me are used to think all next year is going to be better and then next year would come and I would have the same demons to battle then the next year will be better well this is the first year I just said oh well its just gonna be the same my working my program trying to grow, trying to heal, which I am, finances are terrible but I am not going to worry about it because God has seen me through the tribulation so far in that area so I expect he will continue to provide for me so I am working more on just paying attention and being mindful and slowing down. January 1, for me, was just another date on the calendar
David, I always love reading your shares, and this one touched me, as it really shows the Hope you have for yourself moving forward into your life!
I love the send-off: "Contentment, pride, renewed hope, awareness... ...aww thanks... smile ..."
I think for the first time, I am feeling all four of these as well!
Debb - Love the picture of your Furbaby! Does that delightful ball of fur have a name? I have two cats (brothers), and one would look like it could be related to yours... same coloring, just more white. Since losing my Boxer, these two are really stepping up the love & cuddles! They have made this year of distancing a little bit easier to bear.
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
My Christmas and New Years were indeed a great deal better than they were in the past. Not the Christmas and New Years I used to focus on but more taking care of myself.
January brought a lot of goal setting and action goals. Despite the pandemic there is so much I can do about my life
One is to really enbrace the issues that I have as a result of chronic post traumatic stress disorder.
I am so thrilled to be making such headway with that. I was of course aware that there were neurological issues with having chronic post traumatic stress disorder. For example. I have major dental issues. My.dentist told ne this is because I have a dry mouth. I was wracking my brains about where this dry mouth came from. Then I learned that being in flight/fright mode results in having a dry mouth
Now I no longer have to feel a at sea about what is the reason I am like these issues
What better way to start the new year than to understand why it was so difficult for me to make decisions
Rather than believing I was #less than# #less intelligent# less motivated I found the answers in the nature of trauma. There isca whole biological aspect to it. There is no cognitive way out of the biological aspect. That us why that did not work
So there is another reason to drop the #what is wrong with me# Of course it is not just #me,#
Maresie... it was my dentist who cottoned me onto my trauma. I had gum disease... ...I am still learning about this- right down to the flight-fright-flight stuff.
It seemed to take me years- but I practised nose breathing. and it has a few advantages. There are filters in there that take out dust- and warms the air a little before it goes in to the lungs...
...but shallow chest and mouth breathing- panting- is a fear response.
I see my physiotherapist once a month- and to cost me $20 per week.
She is a specialist in breathing and panic responses.
David There is now another response associated with comolex ptsd. That is associated with codependence and of course the state of boundarylessness. That is indeed a survival mechanism Glad that you had a good experience with the dentist. I have major dental issues major medical issues and to now a difimficult life because of complex ptsd. But now there are new theories about biological and #neurological# responses that are incredibly helpful to me Today I feel that life is manageable rather than comoletely unmanageable. I have new insights on behaviors in others thaf I found #trying# Moreover most of all now I have hooe, radiant illuminating hope that life will improve for me. I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow and rise to the challenge!!
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Monday 4th of January 2021 03:29:57 AM
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