The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about our feeling of belonging in al-anon. The writer describes having come to the program because of his/her 16 yr old daughters drinking. The daughter entered the rooms of AA but after some years, made a decision that the drinking was all about adolescence and not alcoholism. The writer began to question whether or not he/she still belonged in al-anon. The writer maintained consistency and continued attending meetings, hearing shares that resonated and realized that if he/she was affected by someone elses drinking, al-anon was the place to be.
This reading brought me back to my first meetings. From the first time someone suggested that al-anon might be a good fit for me to the time I attended my first meeting was about 15 years. When I finally got into a meeting I felt on edge, anxious and defeated. At that time I felt that by attending the meetings I was admitting there was a problem, which was a negative thing, not seeing that what I was actually doing was freeing myself from the feelings of anxiousness and defeat and opening up to support. I spent plenty of time second guessing whether or not I should be there, and even have days now, when I think- was I feeling a problem more acutely than it actually was? One thing that al-anon has done for me is remind me that my feelings then, today and going forward are valid. As the thought for the day states: My membership in Al-Anon is about my feelings, not someone elses beliefs. The quotation from Paths to Recovery(pp.155-156) adds: It is up to each of us to decide whether we belong.
Mary, love the topic today and your avatar! I too felt when I arrived on the doorstep of Al-Anon, some 6 years ago. that maybe this was not the right place for me.
I quickly discovered that I had indeed found the right place and it was the answer to all the pain and anxiety I had suffered for almost a decade and had no idea
it was caused by this disease.
I was so beaten up emotionally and Al-Anon has most certainly saved my sanity and here I do belong. So very grateful!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
Good morning MIP! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares and ESH. It was my children that brought me to Al-Anon, yet it is my own 'isms' that keep me attending. While my journey has changed and I am able to find more peace, those I love continue to battle this disease. I hold on to hope that their journey becomes more calm, peace-filled and healthy.
I do recall how utterly defeated I felt when I arrived at Al-Anon. I felt like a failure, a horrid mother, wife, daughter, etc. I had allowed this disease to affect each and every aspect of my life. I avoided others as I felt so very alone and broken. I obsessed, worried and lived in a total reactive state to what others were/were not doing around me. I went to bed with dread and woke up in the same mental state most days. I was so afraid of this disease in those I love, I stayed home/in the house thinking I could somehow prevent any 'worse case scenarios'.
It took a long, long while for me to trust this program and even more time and effort to begin to practice what was suggested. I heard the three C's, tried to embrace and battled still as I tried to practice being/doing differently. Slowly, with the support this program, a great sponsor and those who came before me, I began to have some hope and some peace. To this day, I still do what was suggested each morning and through-out each day.
One day at a time, I can recover. One day at a time, I can trust this program, my HP and my progress. One day at a time, I can find peace and joy in spite of what others are/are not doing around me. I too am a grateful member of Al-Anon, and plan to stick around for a long while. Happy Sunday all - make it a great day....I'm excited for some Football!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mary, thank you for your service and today's reading. I too felt that coming to Al-Anon was a negative thing, but one I finally had to do because I had to admit that alcoholism was in my marriage, that it wasn't going away, and that I had reached total hopelessness. But I did feel I belonged there, and that was a good thing.
Today, my doubts about Al-Anon are different, and they are just as pointless as avoiding Al-Anon. Thanks to my higher powers and to working the program every day, my life is incredibly joyous -- so much so that I hesitate to share it with newcomers because they might feel I don't have anything in common with them or that I don't understand their misery. I don't feel the urge to tell the story of how I got here, because I've told it enough times already, enough to get the burden off my heart. I certainly would tell it if I think it would help someone. I can share my gratitude, for sure -- but I wonder if that's boring. Or does it give people hope? Well, it gives me hope for sure, so I guess it's a good model of taking care of myself. Just thinking out loud here --- and I still have some work to do on concerning myself with what other people will think!!
It's raining where I am today, and I love rain, so I am extra grateful!! I hope you all have something to be grateful for today.
Happy Sunday, Mary!! Thank you for posting the Daily and your service! I hope that you are continuing to stay safe and healthy in your job.
I am very grateful to all those who have shared their personal ESH. I remember the counselors at my spouse's first rehab telling me that I was part of the problem and that I needed to attend Al-Anon. I must say, I was super angry at that! How could I have caused this? I had worked for YEARS to make this marriage/relationship work! I begged, pleaded, covered-up, paid debts, made excuses, went to 11 years of marriage counseling, was intimate when I didn't want to be... you name it, I did it. Anything to get my spouse back to the person I married. So yeah, I wasn't happy about the thought of attending Al-Anon. What started out as just another attempt at doing something for my spouse, to help my spouse... became my lifeline!!
Although, it did take a LONG while for me to realize my part in the rollercoaster ride. I had a hard time admitting that there was a problem... a problem with the marriage, a problem with how I dealt with the spectre of addiction, and even the thought that perhaps I did not choose the right person for me, to marry in the first place!
But I now know Al-Anon is the place for me! A place where I can be honest... where I feel accepted and not judged... where I can learn new and healthier behaviors!
I am off to make Toffee!! It is something my mother and I have done every Christmas (except last year). She can no longer cook, but her presence is all I desire! My son has expressed an interest of learning, so he will be there as well! A great Sunday indeed!!
Grab some JOY today and run with it!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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