The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He came by from work this morning at 5:30 AM and I open the door and let him in a BIG Mistake. He had been using crack and was very paroniod. He has been seing things again.
He talked non-sense awhile and then out of the blue he had a small gun. He put it to my head. It could have gone off and I could have been dead. It was difficult getting him to calm down and let me have the gun.Once I made it to the back door I throw the gun out of the door in the grass and he went out to get it. I do not think he would have shot me,(that may be my sick thinking)but It could have happen. The panic button on the alarm did not work.
The panic button on the alarm did not work, I have a small knot on my head from the gun.
He has called back and I told him not to set foot on my property again or I will have him arrested. He called again, while I am writing this, I can't talk to him.
He has an appointment with his psychiatrist today. Maybe he will be able to see the delusion he is having.
I probably do not have the fear for him that I should, considering what happen, I did not think he would hurt me, but it could happen.
I hope the brain damage the crack is causing is reversible.
Got to get ready to go to work, It's great to able to get this out of my system before I go in to work
I don't know if you are still online. Please call the the police and make a report before you step foot outside that house to go to work. He could be waiting for you for all we know. You telling him you are going to call the police and that he is not welcome when he is in a state of being high or angry doesn't make a damn to him. PLEASE! Call the police!
A small gun to your head and a threat to kill you is a problem. It is very dangerous and your life is in danger.
That was a smart idea to throw the gun outsidee so that he would go get it and lock the door on him.
As you know, right now your A is not rational. You must protect yourself.
What can you do to be safer? Not open the door? Put more locks on it?
Take a vacation? Stay with a friend?
Perhaps call the police if he shows up? I know that is hard to do but he is out of his mind. You will need to keep your wits about you and fight for your life here.
Keep coming back
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
my husband is a crack addict, that is his drug of choice. he has threatened my life also. he has choked me and there has been physical abuse over the years. funny but when he is high i'm not scared of him. it's when he's comming down that he gets insane. he is also bi-polar. during his times of sobriety, working a program he has explained to me what it's like to be a crack addict. it sounds like a very scary thing. it has taken me a really long time to feel that i was not a victim and i could do what i need to do. i was worthy enough to go to the police and get a restraining order. i hated every minute of it, the process. i hated admitting that this was where my life was. but i did feel better that i had taken steps to protect myself.the time before this that my husband went out he did suffer brain damage. and i was sad but i felt that maybe the damage was severe enough to help him stay sober. i was wrong. the pull of this drug inparticular is more powerful than just about anything. i understand the conflicting emotions you are going thru. what you went thru is tramatic. don't minimize it. he might go thru some scary things doing what he's doing but that's his choice and he is high. you are in reality. you are obviously a very smart, strong person. just think of what one of those people who don't live with an addict would have done! it might be wise to call the police and report this at least to get a paper trail started on him. once i was following my husband and on the phone with the police giving them the exact location of his car and that he was high and driving. they did nothing ofcourse. but it was documented. i have facts and proof to back me up if i ever need it. good luck and much love and know that you are worth taking care of you!
He should have been arrested ALREADY!! Putting a gun to your head is serious business, and you must not allow that act to go unreported. Go to the police now. Better late than never. You need a restraining order, and he needs to be in jail pending trial!! The possibility that he will carry through the next time is very real. Please, please protect yourself. Have you a friend or relative you can stay with temporarily?
My prayers are with you. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
It's not too late to file a report. You don't "think" he will shoot you. What about a slip of the finger from a stagger? All guns have differernt sensitivities on the triggers as to how hard you have to pull them. You don't know this gun. The shakes could set it off.
You can still file that report, you simply tell them you were too scared last night and that when he called again this morning you got really worried. You must be pro-active for yourself.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Absolutely! I ditto everyone else's comments here--I hope you've called the cops and filed a report! This is VERY serious, when your life is in danger. Don't wait another second--get a restraining order. It's the first order of business, to be safe!
So sorry this happened to you. It's a wake-up call you can't afford to ignore, Tootired!
Please listen to the advice already given and make sure you have a back up plan to get to a safe house somewhere that he does not know about. I would not be staying in the house at all. He is irrational and next time you might not be so lucky. Stay safe. Luv Leo xx
Just curious if you come from a Domestically violent home as a chile. You post was normalizing this behavior which is part of our sickness as well. I wouldn't mess around with this person. If he's using crack and has mental health problems he's a walking time bomb. Be fearful of this person and stay safe. He obviously didn't pull the trigger this time, but next time you may not get so lucky. He's not thinking clearly and under the influence. Do what you have to to avoid contact and take care of you. Keep posting and if you can get to a meeting to get some ESH in your home town. Its amazing the resources people give you when you open up.
Take care,
Big Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
To work the al anon program today selfcare is your first priority. Ditto all responses above, plus ... If you have not yet called the police and are having trouble doing that .. call you local domestic violence shelter -- if there is not one in your town, each state has a Coalition Against Domestic violence -- find it online for your state. They will link you with an advocate who will support you through this -- and will support you through filing a police report and getting a restraining order. Violence is a continuum and he is escalaing, according to your post? ... he held a gun to your head. That is a key fact for you. Please take care.
Waiting for him to "see his delusion" may cost you or someone else their life.
Please take what ever means are neccesary to make yourself safe. Your "A" sober may not harm you, but high or coming down he might. You need to be safe. He has already put a gun to your head, so next time it will be easier to do the same thing, and next time he might pull the trigger.
Please be safe.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
One thing you'll find in Alanon is that we don't (or try not to) give advice.
You'll notice that you received alot of advice here.
That is because our program also teaches us that in matters of personal safety, that safety, and our lives are the most important things.
Our members here are concerned enough about your safety and life that they are all giving you advice to protect yourself.
I ditto what everyone else has said and hope you find some ways to protect yourself that work for you. I've already called the cops on my wife and she has done far less than put a gun to my head but I feared for my safety, my childrens safety, emotionally and physicaly.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Thanks everyone for the advise and support. I am going to my first face to face meeting tonight at 8pm. Will also file a police report. I am doing fine, work was ok, have not seen him today he lives in another town. will post soon.
Please seriously consider to call: 1-800-903-0111 Battered Womens Justice Project. National Organizaton for Victims Assistance is 1-800-TRY-NOVA and National Resource Center for Domestic Violence at 1-800-537-2238. Please do not put off to talk with someone (professional that deals with this sort of thing each day) they may be able to help guide you to find and stay in a safe place and other tips or assistance to stop this terrible ordeal.
*(((((TT))))) I wish I could do more. Can you stay somewhere he does not know... atleast until the police can intervene to assure your saftey?
Your in my prayers; "HP protect, stay near, keep you safe(((Tired))) "
Too Tired, I second what everyone has said. This is a real threat to you . My cousin was murdered by a guy in that situation, but he shot the wrong person. He was after his ex, and was so crazy, he shot my poor older cousin who happened to be there.
Going to a f2f meeting is great and I am so glad you have done it.
But this goes beyond meetings. You might not think he willhurt you, but a gun is not a joke, it can go off even if the person was just trying to intimidate you.
Please listen to what the others have said. As well as a police report, have a back up plan to get to safety. Have a place where he can not find you if needed.
Do not let him in your home.
Please protect yourself! Do not take this lightly.
Mt ex threatened to kill me if I ever talked about him virtually daily ~ I vented at work all the time. He encouraged me to commit suicide quite a lot too.
As I understand it, the most dangerous time w/ A's is when u leave or 'cut them off' (as it were)... that is when my ex threatened to kill my entire extended family.
As I was 1300 miles away, I never followed my mother's sound advice & file a restraining order now I wish I had even though this was 6 years ago. Still twice a year he sends a package of some of my things (he kept ALL of my things when I ran away) to my parent's house... they call them "feelers" to feel out if you are still locatable.
My mom always tells me to send it back unopened but as I would be grateful for any baby picture or anything he kept of mine, I continue to open them. I have lived underground best I can & he doesn't have my phys address.
When I was a lil kid, my mother did the same, would tell me not to discuss our lives w/ others. Learn that shame early, protecting the lies just keep the neglect &/or abuse alive.
I do well some days, others not so much. I've been around Al-anon 22 yrs, it is SO hard to let go, focus on me, love me... I'm just so new at it, I guess I still feel unlovable half of the time but I KNOW it is within ME, that I have spent 38 yrs not loving myself, so each day is a challenge.
I had a real scare last September when the feds cd from his home state asking first my mother questions for over & an hour & then later, I did call (after mom made sure it was a real case & my information would be protected) luckily I didn't have any information for his case but he is being investigated for Rx fraud & my old family doctor too, looks like he'll wind up in prison at some point. It is sad, I would have never wished that on him.
Nonetheless finding out he was being investigated made me sleepless for over a week, as memories of him threatening to kill all of us were terrifying & all came rushing back to me.
All I do know, is he never would have "allowed" me to leave w/ dignity & my personal belongings... I do know they are the most unpredictable when u make positive changes, even just getting therapy ~ my ex-husband NEVER would have "let" me get therapy.
Also I find it unlikely Alcoholics/addicts would tell their doctors/counselors the total truth as they lie to themselves.
Your story reminded me of a time after I had moved out from a b/f when I was 20, we were together 2 yrs, living together for 1. He pulled a gun out & put it on the table w/in 2 minutes I had flown out of the door... just seeing a gun is scary to me (go figure I like swords) maybe b/c I tried to blow my own head off at 15. Luckily for me, that b/f never threatened me & went into a month long treatment center for cocaine after that ~ I never spoke to him again & I never knew he was using drugs.
I'd hit the panic button, I don't even begin to know how I would react, if someone had a gun to my head... take care of yourself, get some rest, be careful & contact the authorities ~ I'd tell everyone I knew what happened in your shoes ~ at least that is the sort of thing I have done in the past, my ESH, tell everyone u know, in case something happened to me, they would know. Desperate ppl do desperate things.
Abused ppl, abuse others... hope your F2F mtg went well & you got some phone numbers.
We do have great mtgs in the chat room twice a day here as well.
TC & be careful, a friend in recovery, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
