Happy Monday MIP! Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. Many readings remind me of the progress I have made in my recovery journey vs. how I used to handle things. This is one for sure. Well before living with active addiction, I felt I had to fight to be heard and was certainly misunderstood more than understood. This goes back to childhood and for a long, long while, I thought it was because I was the youngest child, only girl - the 'baby' of the family.

Today, I realize it goes much deeper. Both of my parents had a father who was an alcoholic. My father's was when he was young and my mother's was when he was close to death. My father experienced the active disease growing up and all it brings while my mother had been long gone and only 'heard about it' from her youngest sister. My mother remained in denial about the disease in her father up until she was diagnosed with dementia - she remembers and recalls very little now, so it really doesn't matter.

I am far less concerned today about being heard and understood and far more willing to practice active listening and seek to understand. Not so much because I've become so, so focused on being of service to others (I am, but not above self). Mostly because much of my anxiety and fear was projecting what the words of others meant or intended vs. what they truly meant or intended. In those closest to me, I have found that when I speak in a calm, kind direct manner vs. my previous reactive know-it-all demeanor, conversations do go much smoother.

I spent a whole year on 'Seek to Understand'. In all scenarios, I truly explored what was really happening vs. how it made me feel. If another cut me off in traffic, instead of having it be all about me and 'how dare they', I would project that perhaps they didn't see me or had a bad morning or some bad news that was distracting them. In conversations with my A's, I would try to put myself in their shoes, literally, and seek to understand how I might 'be' if I were they.

It was an interesting year and after words, I found myself far more patient and far better at listening for intent vs. content from others. So, I do believe that we all have baggage and we all truly want to be needed/wanted. Some are better at expressing this than others. We all get sad, disappointed, angry, fearful, etc. and again, some have better tools than others. What I do know is when my calm runs out, that's when the message gets distorted (mine and the other), and often the blame game begins.

I prefer practicing in all my relationships with the tools we have in recovery vs. my former defensive, need to be heard at all costs methods. When I can continuously choose kindness and compassion, it truly helps with my serenity and inner peace.

Happy, happy Monday all. I stayed up later than usual watching football so opted for a calm day around the house. I put my very thick flannel sheets on my bed this morning so am extra excited for bed time tonight! I have my grocery order in place ready for pick up Wednesday morning, before golf. I got my second dresser completely refinished, so the orphaned furniture in one spare bedroom actually matches the day bed. Moving on to a coffee table, followed by an antique chair I've had planned for years.

Sending well wishes for all to have a great Monday. I too have discovered that my AH has been out and about a bit more than I knew about so confronted him about it. He did react and I chose to not take it personally. My thoughts are that this pandemic has made everyone a bit crazy and we're all trying to adapt to a modified normal; some days are better than others. He did add some things to the grocery list this morning so I believe I was heard.

Love and light all - make it a great day!