The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Running a bit later than usual with today's post, and appreciative of the program, which has taught me to be gentle with myself in situations where things don't go according to my plans.
Today's author reflects on how easy it is to list a loved one's limitations and opportunities the loved one has for change. However, the author recognizes that no good change has come from mental criticism. It is something the author does instead of acknowledging their own powerlessness over another person's choices and attitudes. Instead of focusing energy outward, the author wonders what would happen if the author applied the list of their loved one's faults to themselves? The loved one may be verbally abusive, but just because the author doesn't verbalize abuse, that doesn't mean that they aren't abusive at the level of thought - perhaps the character flaw just manifests differently.
Todays Reminder: Al-Anon says, Let It Begin with Me. When I identify something I dislike in another, I can look for similar traits within myself and begin to change them. By changing myself, I truly can change the world.
Today's Quote: Peace of mind depends on recognizing our own shortcomings. An honest personal inventory helps us recognize our strengths and weaknesses. This Is Al-Anon
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Today's topic seems just right for me today. I wrote the first line above BEFORE I'd done the reading, and I think today's reading speaks just to where I am. I can be critical of others, ESPECIALLY in my thoughts. Just because I've not stated something orally doesn't mean my body language, for example, hasn't been as harmful. Similarly, I can use my annoyances with others to identify things I want to work on in myself. I've found I'm usually more annoyed by and impatient with people who exhibit things I dislike about myself. Thanks to the AlAnon principles, I don't avoid these people, but take interactions as opportunities to learn more about myself. One of the early things I learned, was that I need to be more patient with myself. I have high standards for myself, and those standards are not always realistic. I have worked on this character flaw for years, and I'm pleased to see my forgiveness for myself when I am doing my best, but things don't work out as planned, things take more time, or things aren't done in the way that is my absolute best.
Looking forward to a nice dog walk this afternoon - the sun is out, and I'm enjoying this warmer than average winter!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I also appreciate your ESH/share. It's so easy for me to first 'jump' to what's wrong around me - the other person, or things, etc. It's practice in recovery that brings me back to the pause by where I am able to use our tools and my HP to focus instead on what I can change - which is/would be me.
What I do know is even while I honestly look at me, it's so much better for my serenity and growth if I do so with the intent to improve/change me vs. explore what's wrong with me. I spent so many years throwing blame/shame outwards, then turning it inwards and thus a vicious cycle of misery. What's been so helpful in Al-Anon is we can be gentle while we also do our inventory! There was not much gentle in me BR (Before Recovery).
It's been a long day here. I did my gig at the golf course, which was all day. When I called my parents to check in, they'd got news that another of their friends passed from Covid. This makes 3, and with each passing, the spouse has moved away from AZ. I could hear the sadness in their voices, which made me sad for them and for all. I am certain with rest, I'll be able to improve my attitude and outlook - for tonight, I'm tired and sad.
Love and light all - please stay safe!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
