The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There's magic in this program and it's tips tools and suggestions alright. Keep showing up and do the next right thing. Betty taught me that. She was a really special lady.
I'm so glad she was there to walk me through doing the next right thing so that I could experience a new way of life really. I put it into practice, got my doctors letter and went in to see my scholarships officer. After hello, I told her I'm going to fail my papers this semester and I wanted to come and let you know so it doesn't come as a shock and we can decide now what to do with me. She didn't actually beleive I was going to fail. I reiterated that I am definitely failing. Sit your exams anyway, if you fail, you pay to resit the ones you fail, next semester drop two papers and we'll still call it full time. I was relieved to get it out of the way and that outcome was so much more than I was hoping for. I keep my scholarship. Anyway after doing that, I was able to read and comprehend my studies again. I need 40/50 in my exams to pass. It's a tiny chance but I'll take it. First exam is in five days and I have a semesters worth of work to cram in. Guess whose kids will be binging on movies and twenty minute dinners? Mine! Thanks to our MIP board for being here in my time of panic and tears. I'm such a grateful member today. Xx
It still amazes me how the mind can really dictate the quality of my life. My stress levels have been insane. I realise that I took on board way too many commitments. I also feel bad saying that knowing my American friends do stress and a thousand things at once as par for the course because sometimes survival depends on it. Which makes me sad. I do understand survival mode and enough to know that right now, the threats in my life today could never compare to the threats of yesterday being hunger, shelter, addiction, abuse. Where's the gratitude? Funny, the fear kicked in and emotionally and mentally I was right back in my history, blocked in. False Evidence Appearing Real. It was hard to snap out of that funk. I didn't want to go to the doctors, I had to ask my mum(!! At my age omg)) to come for the drive to my scholarship officer to actually make sure I went. I knew logically I'd feel better after dealing with it but it sure didn't feel like it before and during.
I'm looking forward to restructuring my life into a manageable one which balances family and school. I'm letting go of my timeframe today. I'm going to take study one week at a time, rather than pressure cooking myself by trying to force it into my five year plan. OK. Better get sleep!
{{{a4l}}}. All who worked with Betty, as she was my sponsor too, know the patience, kindness, optimism, etc., that she bestowed upon all of us. She was a force of nature like no other. She was my good mom and I will always be so grateful she agree to work with me. She changed my life into something positive when I felt all was lost.
Im sending prayers and best wishes for your health, school, and everything else. ODAT and Keep it Simple, Lyne
Good for you, deciding what you needed to do to improve your situation, asking for help, and following through! And great planning for your kids, to give yourself the best chance at your exams.
Since teaching is what I do, I can say that reducing your stress is bound to help things go better. Letting go of the outcome, and staying in the moment is a great Al-Anon strategy that also tends to help exams go better for a lot of people.
I hear you saying you are letting go and letting your HP define your timeline. - Some great second step work (today's reading happened to be about the second step, so it's fresh in my mind.)
So glad to hear that you are showing up for yourself in this way and deciding on balance.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
A4l I read and saw you use the Just For Today pamphlet and 12 Steps and Traditions as book marks. You're doing your recovery good. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
Awesome share, awesome action and awesome outcome! I too miss Betty dearly - she was the calm for many of my storms - real or created in my mind.
You 'kid plan' share brought back the part of my journey when mine were little and I was working and did school. It was absolutely crazy most of the time, yet we all did get through it, alive and functioning. You got this!!
Keep doing what you're doing - it looks great on you! Please let us know your progress and the outcomes - I love watching Miracles in Progress!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks all for the support. I appreciate it and it's a comfort to remember Betty.
The kids and the short term strategy I'm OK with. My mother is not OK with it and it's irritating but that's life. She has no idea what demands are made of modern women, and the constant criticism disguised as help honestly I could do without. Somehow I'm expected to get a law degree by osmosis. Help at this stage would be staying out of my way because I have my own methods and am forever multi tasking. Sometimes I feel resentful that her idea of successful mothering is spending three or four hours a day in the kitchen, and creating dependence in children by always doing for them what they can do for themselves and to me that's just unproductive. My family is large, I'm never going to be the mummy in the kitchen baking cookies in her apron or whatever and I'd be quite disappointed if my daughters wasted all the time spent on educating them to spend it running around after men cooking laborious meals which get scoffed in five minutes anyway.
Cool needed to vent that. Back to the penal codes of my jurisdiction.... Joy to the world haha.
Good for you, deciding what you needed to do to improve your situation, asking for help, and following through! And great planning for your kids, to give yourself the best chance at your exams. 