The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...what is left after years of Alanon? My f2f Alanon assembly is next week. I have been expecting it... I had some issues with Alanon in our district. I hav been sharing with this group now for 8 years- and have learned a thing or two. I have seen where I missed the boat a time for two ago. I cannot re-litigate stuff other people have long ago forgotten. I do know that is is possible to be assertive a n d kind... diplomatic. I think I used to have this edge to my voice. Desperate. Wanting and needing to be heard. At all costs! The jaded bit of my title is numbing, dissociation, brain fog- call it what you will. I was angry and defensive because people stateside seemed to have access the therapy and therapists- and we didn't.
Maybe I thought is was a status symbol- rather than a necessity?
Hmmm I think there is lot more to be said about that idea. By me and to me!
I notice that I am able to go back over my words- and correct most of them!
I wasn't always aware enough to be able to do this.
My life is going well. Not too well. This was a space where I was tempted to self-sabotage, sometimes.
Not deliberately... unconsciously.
I began to call it out and name it! Hitting myself over the head with a brick wall.
So how can I weave through a world of ideas- and not justify, argue, defend or explain. Talk when talked to. Explain when asked.
Four years ago i took a course in narrative therapy. I then applied it to myself.
What I learned was- to only ask questions of people- when I honestly wanted to hear the answer. Easy peasy.
So, can I turn that around and apply it to myself!
By that I only talk about what needs to be talked about- if it is relevant and current?
yes... by journalling as a form of sharing- I think have made this connection.
We have a rotary book sale in our community. I have stray cartons to collect my unwanted books- to get rid of them.
[Some are recycled of course!]. In my garage I had a huge bookcase for my reference books. Sometimes I will pull one out. and savour it for the memories of what reading it meant to me.]
Traditionally the end of November was the time when end of year parties would start. Personally I like to connect and to relate to people all year round- not just a booze-up. My bias...
...but i am sorting out the favourite book and authors on my top shelf. Taking a slightly dampened cloth to the dust as I go.
This was a dream. To whittle down the clutter in my mind- and to order my surrounding world- so i can find stuff, when I need it.
I am completing a book about a 19th century character. A genuine 49er. He roamed the newly found world.
I worry slightly that old age and dementia will intervene. "From aspergers to alzheimers in one leap." But i am mitigating the possibility- by keep active- cycling and swimming... keeping up my friendships and family stuff.
Ah kin see the cumulative effect of Alanon in my world. Replaced the soul and traumatic memories with kind empathetic ones. Successfully. Progressively.
One time i got a kind of swinging door gate out to my back yard. I wanted this place to be a lively semi-private space in my world. Full of sand I have done a lot of soil replacement- and the ground there grows things well. Healthy food.
When We moved here I planted a new almond tree out the back- and now it is large tree.
I have plus, pears, apricots, an olive tree. Greengages.
A great source of pride and pleasure.
A swing hangs off of the Almond tree for our youngest grand-son Patrick.
Adeline is 11 years old- and maybe a little old for childish things. I thin Patrick apes her a bit.
We had the years of twirly whirlies... of walking up grand-dad and doing upside-downers. Shoulder rides etc etc...
..there is that natural crossover- where the get too big- and I get too led and tired to bother.
No! Bother is a terrible word. Resigned, sanguine, letting go... is a much better thought...
The older grandkids are doing okay... one has already left school...
...I have more time and patience to do my own stuff...
David, your property sounds divine! Your words make me long to walk your paths!
Thank you for sharing! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
We have a rotary book sale in our community. I have stray cartons to collect my unwanted books- to get rid of them.
...
& 