The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is focused on our slogan Let Go and Let God. The writer describes confusion about this phrase as to what we should be letting go of and what we are allowing God to do! Looking at specific situations, the writer was able to let go of trying to control other people and their behavior; as a result he/she felt relief. The energy not spent on others was able to be focused on self. The writer let go of worrying over outcomes; as a result the need for others to follow his/her script was no longer an expectation. As described in the Thought for the Day- in order to allow for our HP to do anything about a problem we might have we must not continue holding on to it.
I understand that for those of us who have lived with alcoholism, a common response to the chaos is to be quite controlling. It is difficult to let go of outcomes, and not try to force the situation or result we think we would like. Of course I continue to struggle with this! But I have noticed that when I am able to let things go, and understand that not every situation is meant to follow my script, I am freer and have more (positive) energy to pour into myself.
Who is that cute furbaby in your Avatar? I must say, I miss your smiling face, but cat's are always cute in my book, so it's cool!
I had a hard time embracing Let Go and Let God. Not only b/c I didn't want to let go of my supposed "Control," but b/c I had lost all faith in my God. Over my lifetime, my brain has been trained in The Sciences. Good data... cause and effect... information you can correlate and quantify. So for me to just throw up my hands and let God take over? That my friends, was crazy talk to me!!
How can a non-physical entity help me? Pay my bills, keep me in my home? Provide food and other essentials for my kid? It did not seem logical. I must say, I felt many times like Dr. Spock on Star Trek!! I just could not fathom something so illogical!!
So I stuck around, b/c I DID see people freed from the insanity of our disease state. They were able to find Joy. There were women at meetings who had lost everything, yet had emerged triumphant (true, they were no longer married to their qualifier)! I stuck around and kept working "It." Like I posted before, there was a lot of "1 step forward, and 2 steps back." Sometimes, 3 steps!! I worked at being patient with myself.
I will be honest and say that for me, the jury is still "out" on whether or not God is in my life - I mean, if there truly was/is a God, why would he allow all this to happen in my life? Why would any pain and suffering happen? It is an age-old question.
So I decided to rename my God. My HP is also female. My HP is not thunderous, or vindictive, or punishing. My HP is loving and patient with this frail, imperfect human being. In doing this re-framing, I was allowing FAITH back into my vocabulary and my life. Then I began to have true GRATITUDE for what I was given, and told my HP this every morning. These steps I took have helped me to understand that my HP puts opportunities into my path... it is up to me to grasp the reins and drive my chariot!!
In regards to my questions above: I am not sure how it happens, but I have been provided the means. It isn't always how I envision the help, but Al-Anon has helped me to be more open to all the possibilities... therefore, more able to see the help as it is presented... and keeps me humble enough to accept it. I know that today, I am living a more serene life by dropping the facade of Control. TBH, I don't miss the constant anxiety or the weight on my shoulders of being the only "responsible" one! LOL!
Well, I guess I had a lot to share today. I am grateful for the opportunity. I am grateful for this forum, for the people who share their ESH here! I look forward to coming back and reading other's shares.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
thats my kitty named Bella. I thought it would be nice to share her with the MIP friends:).
Thank you for your share. I think putting faith in God wasnt something so difficult for me, because of the way I grew up but your writing got me thinking that part of the message (I think?) is being able to embrace something bigger or outside of ourselves. For me it helps me to let go of thinking I can control all that I want to.
No matter what, its all a work in progress for sure. I am grateful for the forum and fellowship here as well!
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. I don't see the avatar - not sure why! Thank you both for your shares and ESH.
I arrived with the belief that it was my job to control some aspects of other's lives. Granted, my kids were not legal adult age so even if I could not control them, I was responsible for them/their choices in the eyes of the law. I had to really spend quality time with a sponsor to be able to figure out which end was up, how to let go and let God and how to protect myself/assets based on the disease/choices of my sons. It was maddening and there's no doubt that my fear of the projected future outcomes were driving most of my actions, including my desire to try and control other people, places and things.
Let Go and Let God for me today has a very broad meaning. What I know now that I didn't know or even consider is that it's very little in life that I truly have power over. The more I am able to practice unconditional acceptance and love, they more peace/serenity I have. My best days and most serenity comes from taking special care of my spiritual condition, daily, all day long at times. The more trust I place in a power greater than I, the more able I can 'go with the flow' and just allow things to unfold.
Love and light to all - make it a lovely Monday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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