The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP family. Today's reading discusses the many tools of our program. The author suggests a lack of handiness when it comes to using hand/power tools. Another teaches how to oil a saw so it works more smoothly - and gives cause for pause.
In our program, learning how to oil a saw is a little like learning to apply the Al-Anon program - a new way of doing different, even when skeptical. We each clearly see the program does work by seeing others in recovery showing calm and serenity with similar life experiences. We all learn to apply to tools - the Steps, the literature, the slogans, meetings, sponsorship, etc. by watching others who demonstrate for us.
Using the oil does not change the saw. It does make it more useful - using the program/tools does not change the raw materials of our lives but certainly can remove many frustrations, giving us more satisfaction.
Both the reminder & quote are worthy of a read - I usually retype - short on time so not so today.
I was a huge skeptic when I arrived. I was actually angry at the world, and esp. my A(s), and did not feel I had another to fix, change, etc. So - I sat in resistance and denial for quite a while. For me, in that state, nothing changed and things actually got much worse.
I then made a commitment to just try - a few simple things - and see what happened. It was easy to 'see' no difference with my attitude of the time, yet I persisted. I was fortunate to have a sponsor who encouraged me with gentleness and love.
I remember getting to my evening meditation one night and realizing that not only had I had a good day, I had not obsessed once about the disease, the diseased, the past, the future, the fear and/or the insanity. I felt very strongly in that moment that it does work when we work it as this was the first day in decades I could recall such a day.
I'm grateful we have so many tools to help us navigate life on life's terms. I'm grateful to have a changed attitude and am now much more willing to grow, learn, listen and change. Happy, happy Thursday MIP - off to golf in a bit and truly grateful for some added mild weather days in my area, in November, to get out of the house safely during this pandemic.
My SIL, her sister & their father are positive for the virus. My brother and the mother are negative. All 5 are quarantining - 4 of the five have extensive preexisting conditions. They've been cautious, distanced, etc. - exception family....they don't know where it came from so prayers are welcome AND please be careful and safe all. Love & Light!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Iamhere for your service, and I hope that you enjoy your golf day!
The Tools, Slogans, Steps, literature, and ESH members give have all contributed to a more calm way of thinking about this pandemic. I will admit that at first I was truly scared and lived my life in extreme isolation due to the fear of contracting the virus. For many instances, I have not really changed my practices, but have ventured to have a friend over for an outdoor, SD dinner now and again over the summer. It was a HUGE step for me. I recognized the positive impact it had on me emotionally.
However, Autumn and Winter will be a different story. Back to my stricter practices, but I can move forward with less FEAR due to working my program!
I will send out my prayers for your affected family members. Hopefully, their infections will be mild.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you PNP and I am There for your shares and the topic My game plan has changed to finding ways to survive the pandemic. Right now I an preparing for another lockdown. That does not mean that I am hoarding toilet paper. I am keeping out of the way of people who trigger me and that would of course be the former roommate. Technically Incan go to his house to see my dog. No matter what time I go he is always there. He works from home most of the time. Dealing with him is tremendously difficult. He lies he whines and he procrastinates He is someone I will never disclose to.again because anything you say becomes ammunition for the next attack. And being a narcissist there is always an attack coming. Of course he is not the only one who is known toa attack.
Now when I get wind of an #attack dog# I let them go.
Rather than beat myself up over the way the former roommare acts I am looking on it as a fact of life.
Some people you just want to avoid. Those with substance abuse issues being one of them. The fall out is too much.
I go out of my way to absolutely avoid them as much as possible
Head down is a hard way for me to be but I want to survive this virus. I have a friend who lost his sister to the disease. That experience has changed him but it does not seem to be for the better .
I know how very close this disease is because of course I am convinced I already had it
Of course I was staying with the former roommate then and I could not have had a worse environment
Staying in a hostile, cold environment is not the receipe for recuperating.
He was abjectly contemptuous, cruel and deliberately with holding.
Needless to say the qualifier was much like that.
I was with the qualifier for 8.years helped him imensely on so many occasions through thick and thin. When I was ill he never once, not once bought me something to drink.
Not one time EVER
I have a real habit of putting myself in these really toxic situations.
My house currently is brimming with flu remedies, a full fridge ( the former roommate would not even give me three inches in his freezer. I have work to do to my home more comfortable
lots of work. Moreover some more work before I can bring my dog home but he will be coming home in a matter of weeks
I am done with dealing with the toxic slag heap the former roommare lives in. I can move myself to a better place and leave him to drown in it.
Sometimes we need anger to motivate is so I.will use that to move forward rather than direct it at him
IAh, prayers for you and your family. Thanks for your service and for all above shares. I started alanon on the message board with a self-imposed decision that I didn't need nor would ever go, to a F2F meeting. How that changed after working with Betty for awhile! I didn't see how alanon was going to help since no one was telling me how to fix my A. But I saw people there with a smiling face, serenity in some, hope in many, so I just kept showing up. After awhile I got it: my A does not have to keep dragging me along on the alcoholic merry-go-round. And I started focusing on me and the rest is history. It's not that every day is easy, because for sure, it isn't. But I'm much better at being my own person. I've grown up a lot. Grateful.
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