The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.
"There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.
Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self-esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our own power in another way. Some relationships trigger healing in us --healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today. Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.
Sometimes we aren't certain what lesson were learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process. But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there. We don't have to control this process. We'll understand, when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.
Thought of the Day:Today I'l be grateful for all my relationships. I will open my self tot he lesson and the gift from each person in my life. I will trust that I, too, am a gift in other people's lives.
I read both the C2C and the daily in TLOLG in the mornings. Today I chose Melody Beattie's book b/c of what it tells us... "There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way."
When my separation was fresh, I wanted to crawl into a ball and never unwind. I didn't want to face my reality. As a result, I was not open to possibilities. Through Al-Anon and self-reading, I realized that I was shutting out so much help and opportunity for myself! Why would I continue to do something that only hurt me? So I began to be more open and transparent. Friends and others began to know... not everything mind you, but I began to let relationships in. Surprisingly, I found much support, comfort and help along the way!
Today's reading reminds me of a poem I have always liked...
Share your Light and Love, MIP Family!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Sometimes it takes me years to see the value in relationships.
Recently someone I have known for many years trashed me and called.me all kinds of really nasty names publically
I think I may be processingı that for a few months.and it certainly came out of a left wall.
Of course it is often difficult to imagine how some situation can be of use to us.
Often for me it is #how can I get out of this#
The ability to process and understand relationships on many levels comes later always much much later.
Indeed someone who should know better calling me names publicly may.be something I never understand.
However anyone.who is rude to me, backstabing or undernining me on a routine basis is not gonna get a free pass to do it again. Maybe that is all I need for now.
PnP, I can relate to what you said about not wanting to face reality. I did that with my A for years, but I dont think it was a conscious choice. Looking back, I see that I was blindsided by the changes in the marriage and was flooded with so much hurt, pain, and disbelief. I had no idea this was my new reality. Thank God I made myself go to meetings prompted certainly by my sponsor. This relationship with my A, along with program, has taught me many things, including standing on my own two feet and resignation from the doormat club. These have been hard lessons learned through emotional upheaval, but I can say now I am a better person for it. I can wish all I want that there would have been an easier way to obtain these life skills, but for me, this was the only way to gain them.
Lyne - I felt I was blindsided by the changes in my marriage as well. Really, what happened for me, was that I finally had opened eyes to all the shinnanigans and addictive behaviors going on. Once the eyes are "open" and a person becomes "woke," it is super hard to go back into fantasy living. And that was certainly what I was doing! Working an Al-Anon program pretty much guarantees you won't... you will find a "new normal"... one that validates you and works for you... it may or may not include your qualifier. Currently, I am in awe of those who are able to still live with their qualifiers...I am not one of them, and have accepted that about myself.
I have also experienced the "...years to see the value in relationships." Sometimes, it is only upon retrospection that you come to realize it's value.
I hope you both enjoy your Sunday! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
P. I have told this story- but I will repeat for newcomers...
My first group was all women but me. On time they formed another group outside of Alanon to read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, and Melody Beattie's first book.
Not to be outdone i bought the books myself- and read them on my own. The story of my life!
The people pleasing, mostly I relate to. And now I realise that my whole personality was wrapped around people pleasing, and the fear of abandonment.
I can fit this back into the Alanon context, when I need to.
Last month I felt in with the widow of an old friend. It was in a social context, not a recovery context.
I was glad of this, because, for so long I have been viewing the world down the end of an empty drinking glass, really.
This connect has led me to a small network of friends, who are now [naturally] about the same age.
My world is not "either-or" any more. "my way or the doorway".
These opportunities embellish my Alanon profile. I am more relaxed and confidence.
I engage in a bit more "coffee time" with members and get to know them a bit better, when it suits.
yesterday me and madame went to a neighbouring town and she bought an electric bike. it was not brand new.
She love is t to bits, and can now get up hills...
Ah still have my 21 speed. It is only recreation- and it might take me a bit longer- but what the heck.
Thanks for the service PnP. The topic is a fabulous writing cue for me right as I am today, needing to actively transform woeful couch bonding into get up and go, girl. Gifts in unusual places and spaces. First gift of this situationship at it's demise is listening with my eyes. Repeatedly I ignored what I was seeing. Second gift and its a returner.....the pain of enduring always outweighs the pain of removing. Learned that with my wisdom teeth but apparently not so well. Once I get out of this depression, there'll be another gift but I'm not there yet. I like this approach. I think there's a big kicker under there somewhere about confronting a pre existing wound which om not yet in a space to pull out and clean. It would involve examining my reactions to certain actions and why. Not today but the loving gift approach I am filing away for use. Have a great Sunday all.
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