The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author shares a strategy they use when faced with unpleasant realities. Rather than avoiding disappointments, sometimes the only way to achieve serenity is to be willing to accept things that we cannot change. The author's sponsor suggested that back-up plans are a good strategy when making plans with unreliable people. For example, Plan A could be a night out with an alcoholic spouse. Plan B might be a last-minute invitation to an Al-Anon friend if plan A falls through. Plan C might be doing something enjoyable alone. By following this strategy, the author discovered that acceptance of unpleasant realities provided choices and serenity.
Today's Reminder: I no longer have to depend on any one person or situation in order to get on with my day. Today I have choices.
Today's Quote: "Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hold only." Plautus
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Acceptance of things that I cannot change - this is one of my recurring challenges, and I'm glad I have the program to rely on. One thing I realized when reading today's topic is that I'm very good at carrying on with my life and finding other things to do when my plans fall through - at home, alone with my dogs. One area of growth opportunity I see is being willing to reach out and make plans with others. I tend to not make many plans at all, in part because I'm an introvert, and in part because I hate being unreliable if something were to fall through. And I think in this, I'm still hiding a bit - pretending the challenges of living with an alcoholic aren't that difficult. I'm glad today to have the program to rely on and to have the opportunity for ongoing improvement.
I hope you all make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi, thank you for your service and share. Its also a challenge for me to accept the things I cannot change, and my A gives me daily practice. My A also taught me not to depend on others, and this happened gradually, painstakingly, over years of hurt and disappointment. I can say that element is actually a good thing. I love seeing my family and friends, Covid interfering a bit at the moment, but I am absolutely fine being with me and my dogs. That is also a huge positive change from the past. People still disappoint and hurt me, but Im so much better at coping and liking my own company.
I think the bottom line for me comes with information on C-PTSD. I lack impulse control. Not my fault. I seems to run down through the generations. I use the word "manage" over control. I recall the mantra of the A. in m life: "my way, or the highway." No middle ground; no room to move.
I used my ACA programme to find reality checks, Boundaries. And a lot of this work at letting go can be achieved online. So long as I remain grounded and centred. Track between virtual reality and actual reality.
The serenity prayer give me a hand-hold on reality. The group norms and group culture that evolves give me a sense of security. These are not cast in stone. I can respect them because these norms are created by family members, which includes me.
I have a Plan B. in my thinking a lot of the time. A fall-back plan...
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and your service. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. I recall the first time another in recovery suggested to me that Acceptance was the answer to all my problems. I did not have to like 'it' but I had to accept it. As with almost everything, I fought this for a long while with a patterned response of, 'Yeah, but .................................' I could JADE why I was the way I was, reacted as I did, believed as I did, etc. Yet, all of it was nothing more than excusing bad behavior from me. It took me a long, long while in recovery to value me enough to be able to hold my power vs. give it away and to stop excusing why I did and focus on changing.
For the most part, I always have a plan B. Not just with my active qualifiers, but with everyone. It doesn't have to be extravagant or fully planned - I just make sure I've got a list of things to do with any free time. I tend to be more balanced with a plan and a list and just don't get too wrapped up in expectations.
It seems so strange for it to be completely dark already! The days are surely getting shorter....I took a day off golf today but planning to play the next 4 days. Weather will then arrive and I'm set to start my indoor projects. I stayed up way too late last night so took a lovely nap this afternoon. Find and keep your joy all - it's so worth it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When I first read about acceptamce in the big book I had all the wrong ideas. I felt it was fatalistic. I.felt it was minimizimg what I had to deal with.
In fact it is far from that. Of course growing up.as I.did as a child I.had to.fight for everythimg. My elder sister was in fact conditioned to be a thug. She bullied her way through
For me the choice as a chikd was to be victimized repeatedly or find a way to fight back
Then I come to the 12 step programs which are based on cooperation, support, brain storming and most of all being supportive. There was not one moment of being supportive in my.childhood. There was not one moment of normality because no one knew what normality was. They certainly tried to feign it. They were really terrible at that too.
Faat forward many decades my life is no longer totally unmanageable. I am on track. I.have goals. I have support. I have people I can talk to who are interested (my qualifiers were not remotely interested unless it benefited them)
I am far from euphoric about my life i am challenged daily. I most definitely have a plan b. I.would like to have a plan cmand d
I still have people in my.life who.are very challenging to deal with. I have to.deal.with my.former roommate who is.mosr certainly.an alcoholic. I have plans to have less to.deal with him but he is not going to.evaporate over night. There is not a single day when he is easy to.deal with. It is a great challemge. The fact it is a challenge rather put in places where I.am severely distressed is phenomenal progress for me
I cannot just chop parts of ny life off. I have to work as an essential worker. Where can I.go where it is not too difficult?
I.did not think in those strategic ways before. I.went straight to victimization, justification, despair, hopelessness.
That was my carnival ride
Al.anon heloed ne to do better but it certainly did not happen overnight.
My program is based on gratitude, gratitude for doing better, having a therapist, having a home, having a dog (who.still does not live with me) having better health
Gratitude did not come easily to me. I resisted and resisted. This week I.heard Michael J Fox describe how he grounded his life in gratitude. If it works for him maybe it is worth me trying because it most certainly is a very very hard time of year for me
Skorpi and Lynn...