The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading points out an interesting result of going to meetings. The writer describes how we might have difficulty hearing our closest people- family and friends who are telling us their feelings but we may be too emotionally entrenched to hear what is being said to us. The writer notices that at meetings, with people outside of family and in anonymity, the words spoken can be heard in the voices of those closest to his/her life. A wife who has been in a long alcoholic marriage and speaks at a meeting about the specific issues that result may be the voice of his/her mother. Hearing someone describe the roller coaster of living with a son or daughters disease may provide room for compassion that could otherwise be more difficult to access.
When I read this today, it struck me that the strength of the program comes from people coming together in support and fellowship, but also providing an objective way to work on the situations, feelings and words that might result from having lived with alcoholism. Sitting with others in meetings is a reminder that our struggles, any issues that we are working on in our lives are not uniquely ours- so we might share the burden of working on them.
Always a thank you for your service Mary and right within the topic of "Spiritual" I am using here.
When I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon I heard the term Spiritual use more often than any other to describe our program. Honestly I felt indifferent when that happened because I was born and educated within a religion that claimed the number one position of being the most largest, best and spiritual. They were teaching about being most blessedly and religiously connected to God. Okay I got it and then came Al-Anon and our connection with spiritual which after long while I learned that claimed to define my life connection with our program and living the steps, traditions, concepts, meetings, connection to and with the sponsorship and fellowship on a daily basis.
I have come to want to be defined as a an Al-Anon member 24/7 in mind body, spirit and emotions all the time; to be defined as a Al-Anon practicing person everywhere I am. It is like defining a race horse (lol) which is always fit and ready to win their next race(s). I want my life to define the program while the program defines me. I live in this and can be found living in this program at all times. My program elders and sponsors showed me how on a daily basis.
Our district assembly comes up on the 19th, 25 km away from here.
Recently there was an attitude that this forum was for the group reps to meet.
But, for me the assemblies were for all or any member to attend and to participate. So by going along myself, one day at a time, I am making a statement about this.
As the reading says- there are dynamics within a group. Something we cannot obtain elsewhere.
For much of my life I was unconscious. Lost. Numbing. Dissociating.
This came up for me at a meeting about 12 years ago. We had a reading and I realised that nothing much had sunk in.
But however- my life could have been far worse- if i had done nothing.
I believe that some aspects of recovery have only come to light in recents hears. There issue of C-PTSD. Trauma and its cumulative effects.
The statement, in our meeting format covers this: "Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it."
Looking back- this statement is a bit of an understatement!
Chaos and conflict. Anxiety and anxiety attacks.
But this is keeping it simple. I never ever felt out of place at a meeting.
All the while I was learning- when my ability to learn had become severely curtailed.
There did seem to be no way out.
: "...there is no situation too difficult to be bettered, and no unhappiness too great to be lessened."
Thank you Mary for your service and today's Daily.
IMHO, the reasons we can identify with others and allow that feeling of "those words could be mine/my mom's/my spouse" is for the very fact that shares are given without crosstalk. Many times, those we love cannot just sit and listen... allowing you to pour all your feelings out, before they interject. I found that the meetings that were kind of lax on that "no crosstalk" concept were the hardest for me to connect to. I seemed to always be "worrying" about the back and forth of the conversation instead of the actual words. They did not connect to me in the same fashion. Sometimes, words need to "sit" before they have true impact.
Jerry - May I say "thank you" for your ESH today. Today's words were particularly insightful for me. May you have a blessed Sunday!
I hope all my MIP Fam enjoys their Sunday! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
[Not being triggered at the same time is to die for!]
I think mostly that the lave and peace of the programme draws us into this.
I have noticed that a newcomer living with active drinking might take some time to settle in.
6 meetings are called for. May be too distracted to notice the notice that is being taken.
But it all does add up.
I started a new thread here- because of the general no cross-talk guidelines.
I know that when I first started Alanon I had solutions for everyone.
And I was only too willing to pass them on!
I think there is a balance here- and it may sometimes depend on the person.
It is my personal view that members are mostly better doing steps 1,2,3, before looking for a sponsor.
Because they can pick up from a variety of members and learn to trust.
We need robust healthy group if this was to happen.
Having said that- it is up to an individual sponsor to make that call, and the member... and I doubt that it is a group conscience issue. Just for today- something I believe, for me.
It was cooler here this morning. Big momentous events swirling around us all. We had our election three weeks ago, so we have settled in.
Sometimes I think that we recovery people have an advantage- considering the health crisis.
Because we have done work inside of our own orbit. And have learned detachment- from things we cannot change.
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I do believe that it's easier for me to hear and listen in a group meeting than in my family simply because the dynamics are so, so different. My family doesn't have recovery, so there is cross-talk (as PnP mentions), JADE, interruptions, emotions, chaos and drama! I try to face each day, one day at a time, leaning towards our program suggestions of prayer/meditation. Part of which does include being open, seeking to understand, listen and wait for guidance (spiritual).
My youngest is active in the disease, has moved to another city, gotten a new job and a new girlfriend. I have no judgement, only prayers for his safety. In a very brief conversation, I did tell him that we loved him and hope he stays in touch. He started to argue, defend, etc. and I just reminded him that we are his parents, not his enemies. He got quiet and we ended the call.
I do think I am better at being open and listening at meetings because there is a genuine common goal - be of service and recover from the affects of this disease. I am guarded with many in my family just because the disease is active across generations and just presents a different dimension to interactions, sanity and life.
I do know that as younger kids, both of my boys listened better to neighbors, teachers, coaches, etc. than us. I found this to be true with kids of friends as well. We actually got 'smart' and would have dialogue with other people's kids to try and offer support or suggestions for life issues they would not or could not discuss with parents. I can only guess that there is a safety felt in disclosing to others that's not always present (fear) with families...not all, just some.
I agree that I felt heard more and can listen better when there is no cross-talk. I tend to focus better and respond more openly and from the heart. Happy Sunday all - I survived the time change, my football team won, I finally got my ballot by mail and dropped it off and it's been a great day. Find and keep your joy all - (((Hugs)))..
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It certainly is haed to.work and of course live around alcoholism and dysfunction. As someone who is an essenntisl.worker I have beenvexposed to.a lot lately. Normally I woild be triggered intio the next stratospheee. I am.most certainly triggered but not into the far reaches of netherlsnd
Being into.therapy certainly helps to get through a lot of very convoluted placed
Being clear about on my goals is even more helpful
I moet certainly am aware of the ways an alcoholic can manipulate. i am bettwr and better at cuttmg it off. That is cutting it off is far better than be8ng tripped up by it
Detachment is a skill I have honed into very carefully. I struggled with it so much. Now my detachment skills are so much better
One huge part of recovery for me is niw I am first in my life.
Yeah when I am sharing with others, meeting or just on the board, it is amazing how not alone I feel. I always said that sharing and caring is a good RX for the soul
Of course when I am enmeshed in certain issues it is very difficult to get a perspective. Being in therapy for me heiggtens the process of making sense of patterns of relating in decidedly dusfunctional ways
When I firsr went to al anon I did not like what I saw.
Needless to say I had a vigilant perfectionist inner and outer dritic. Needless to say having to deal with that issue kept ne from hearing a great deal of wisdom
However I feel like I have turned a significant corner in my recovery lately and feel particularly blessed despite the struggles I have ahead of me
Thanks Mary, and hi Jerry...
& 