The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Greetings MIP family. Today's reading talks about how we (and others) can justify our own unkindness or interfering where we had no business - and how easy it is to do so, and/or be offended. The author shares about unkind words from another she cares about - weight related. When she expressed how it made her feel, she was met with 'but I didn't say anything that wasn't true, I did nothing wrong.'
Al-Anon helps us let go of the certainty about what others should/should not be doing. We hear that we have the choice to be right or to be happy. Our program gives us the tools to Live and Let Live, which is a more healthy choice all day, every day.
Reminder: I am not an insensitive person, but at times I have justified insensitive behavior by claiming to be right. I can respect another's right to make his or her own choices, even when I strongly disagree. My relationships will improve if I can love myself enough to let other people be themselves.
Quote from Peter Marshall: "Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with."
Easiest ESH share of my life -- I was a right-fighter all day, every day before recovery. I not only wanted/had to be right, I had to make sure all others, even those not directly involved knew it. My ego was sized in such a way that I would NOT let go until I felt satisfied....rarely did I achieve this goal. Instead, I kept score, judged others, gossiped, threw blame/shame and sat with myself in misery - yet still desiring to be 'right'.
No longer do I choose to live that way. I do not care if I am right or wrong, as I did find through step work a direct correlation between my joy and serenity and my will/ego/way. I will forfeit all day, every day, to have serenity and peace now....and my relationships have greatly improved when I accept and love others unconditionally, exactly as they are.
Happy Thursday all - off to volunteer at the golf course. Showed up early and was given a reprieve until now....the gift of time is always appreciated. Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Iamhere for your service, and I hope you enjoy your volunteer time!
Very. Powerful. Share.
I spent so much wasted time and energy trying to prove that I was "right." It was exhausting to feel like I needed to JADE all the time! When it was suggested to me to just, DON'T, I was shocked and it took quite a long time for me to try this WOL. I had to "let go" of the need to be right. For me, it is a bi-product of living with someone who gaslights.
It was a revelation (not a particularly good one) to me that I could not love my spouse unconditionally... I found that stability,honesty, and security were paramount in my Life. I was devastated when I realized my spouse could no longer give me those three things. My reality was not one I wanted to acknowledge... for a long time.
I still fight the need to "be right." I use the tool, "How important is this?"a lot.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks IAH for your service and for both above shares. I always felt wrong so I never fought to be right. But I did spend years trying to impose my judgements on others, especially my A. And I had to let go of the unconditional I used to have for my A because the alcoholic behavior changed me in many ways. And now program has changed me in many other ways. I still love my A, but not the same as in our early years. I accept that I cannot change anyone and work hard to change myself. I ask my HP to remove my character defects daily. I am no longer thinking I can effect change in others they do not want. And that extends beyond my A to family and friends as well. And Betty taught me to always carry a QTIP: Quit taking it personally. Still working on that one however, progress not perfection. :)
I most certainly can be a person who takes a lot of things personally. Obe of the jobs I have been working has bren extremely difficult. Now my paycheck is late
Big shock in this chaotic world
I.am far more adept ar moving sway from situations that used to trigger me terribly. Certain people are indeed very difficult to be aroumd. I can set limits on that today
For me growimg up in utter chaos there was no time to strategize boundaries, make a game plan for the holudays. There was no one around to help me work anything out. What I had was people who lashed out with a vengence. Now i am in a place where if someone lashes out at me (talks to me disresoectfully, calls ne nanes, tries to set me up) they do not get a chance to do that again. They may not know how destructive that behavior is. They dont have to know and I don not have to guide them. My quality of life comes first.
I may not be able to do too much about many issues in my life. Covid 19 being one of them. However now (finally), i have the space to respond to the challenges of life. Before now, particularly at this time of year all I had was reaction, triggering and most certainly despair and hopelessness.
Now my life is certainly very far from hunky dory.
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