The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 10/26, reflects upon others criticism and unkind words which would cripple them for days. It did not occur to the writer that this was abuse and could even be untrue. They felt shame and suffered low self-esteem. And at times, the writer would respond in kind, hurting others to feel better about themself.
Part of the reminder says that someones elses unkindness is no reason for me to lower my standards for my own behavior. When I take responsibility for my actions, regardless of what other people do, I become someone I can be proud of. When I feel good about myself, its much easier not to take insults personally.
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Well I can relate to the part about letting others comments and opinions of me just crush me, and I could dwell upon those comments for days. I didnt strike back out at them because I believed what they said to be true and thought after all, I must be a horrible person.
But I love the part of the reminder that says when I behave in a mature manner and take responsibility for my own actions, I am someone I can be proud of. And as I have become a healthier individual, I believe that it is better to take actions that bring me self-respect and self-esteemthat is the person I want to be.
I can relate to taking everything personally. Al-Anon is helping me to overcome that - I can still struggle at times. Accepting you are powerless helps.
Grateful member.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your ESH & shares. I'm battling a cold and sleep/rest have become super difficult as when I lay down, I cough and cough and cough and ....*sigh*
I do know that I took everything personally before I arrived at recovery. Even side glances from strangers could affect my mood, outlook, etc. Those cutting, slicing words from those who were supposed to love me could scar me for days or longer. It truly never entered my thinking that what others do and say is a reflection of them, not me. It also never crossed my mind that I could choose to consider the source, realize the reality and move along without having it attach to me and spoil a minute of my life.
I have no issue defending myself should I feel abused or faced with unacceptable behavior. I have drastically changed how that happens. In the past, I could and often would 'go there' and work to 'win the insult game'. I can/could throw nasty words, names, blame, shame and more fast and with a great delivery. It felt good for a minute and worked as a reaction to chaos until it did not.
I find that most of my change in recovery comes from the realization that coping tools, mechanisms and actions of the past are no longer working for me. Instead of feeling some level of calm or relief, I instead feel more pain or sadness or even embarrassed for my part. I say it often, and will again, that pause I deploy to pray before I proceed has been helpful in changing my reactions to responses, and certainly most are more healthy than before.
Grateful for MIP, Al-Anon, a loving HP and a healthy support system today. Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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