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She was four years sober and attended our recovery groups at the church for quite some time...Live at the recovery center here in town and b4 Covid hit she had JUST gotten her new flat and was so excited to not have to live with mom anymore...
yesterday, she OD'd and left behind 4 babies, all under 6 years of age...
I am so sad to hear about this, my pastor told me..I was sorta mentoring her...she was a survivor of abuse even worst then mine and numbed her pain on drugs and got addicted..she was in and out of recovery centers, but finally the last 4 years , she appeared to be "out of the woods" and moving forward and now this...
I will miss her terribly, we loved to laugh together and when she hugged me I felt like she would squish me with her sincere affection for me...Tatoos all over her, but she was lovely, with warm brown eyes that danced when she looked at a person whom she cared about, and her laugh, she "laughed all over" and she could be as funny as hell....big tall, brunette and very powerfully built.. and even all "tatted" up she was a nice looking gal and I loved her eyes...
She is gone now, with the angels probably telling them all how to do it, , enjoying perpetual sunshine, no horrid memories to drown out and finally at real peace
Allison, I shall miss you...the room, when i am ready to go back, will never be the same without you....thank you for letting me into your life, albeit briefly, and for trusting me with your secrets and for letting me love and help you as you deserve......
Lesson??? Life is so tentative...FOUR years sober and she OD's and she is gone, so there are no guarantees in life...Only today, right now do we have, so I am going to go to the pool and swim and ask my HP to place me where he wants me to be and to let me be a vessel of his unending love and light.....Like IamHere so beautifully says "love and light" to all
Thank you David, I am sure getting lessons in surrender....My GF from the life group at church just told me tonight, her daughter now has 6 months to live with the cancer she has been battling..its really advanced and so they are going to do radiation on her..I felt sooo bad for "J", I just listened and told her I was "here if you want to talk/need me" i mean like what could I say??? and she will be leaving behind a 14 month old baby if she does pass...it does not look good at all.....Life can be brutal, but its life..no guarantees and absolutely NOTHING is permanent....I hang on but with a loose rein.......
(((Rose))) - I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry the disease won against your friend and mentee Alison. As a double winner, I am continuously reminded how fragile sobriety truly is. All we have is one day, this day, to do our best in this life. No matter what recovery program you are a member of, this one day is what matters most.
I have lost sponsees in AA. Some have passed sober and some have not. I love/loved them all equally. When the disease wins, and a life is lost, it just drives home for me how cunning, baffling and powerful the disease really is. I am perpetually reminded that this is a disease, and not a choice. I'm sending your healing prayers and thoughts as well as for her family and all who knew/loved her. It is these moments where I have to remind myself it's OK to hate the disease and love the person...hang in there.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((((((((((((((((IAH)))))))))))))))))))))))) "its OK to hate the disease and love the person" I came to this regarding my mother...thanks to Al-anon and folks like you, supporting me and giving me your love/wisdom, I came to be able to separate mom from her drinking....I loved and love her and hate the disease...She was NOT her disease, Allison was not HER disease...the disease is just something ugly that happened to them.....thats all....thank you for stopping in...
We are all in shock at the church..Spoke with the recovery group pastor and my mentor/Pastor and a couple of my recovery pals...tomorrow will be the meeting again, 2nd one that is fac2fac with masks on and she won't be there...WOW!!! It will be a big hole as she was a VERY large presence as she was an effervescent, spicey , sassy, sparky young lady...I shall miss her....Her mom has the 4 little ones...Lord, my heart breaks for mom and the little ones....As our David said "There, but for the grace of God, go I. "
This broke my heart, Rose... but I know it is a frequent story among recovering peoples. My strength to you, Rose. Thank you for being a vessel of good for others!
((((((Rose))))))
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
((((((((((PNP)))))))))))) I'm going, I THINK to just listen to the testimonials tonight...I don't want to go to the recovery meets....too close quarters and I have moved on, it does not serve me anymore to go to those meets...the room leader and I disagree that EVERYONE should have equal sharing, not just her daughter and friends..EVERYONE should have equal share time...
anyway, that said, there is going to be a BIG hole when i don't see Allison there, giving hugs to all the newbies getting their 30 day and 60 day chips....I got my year one coming up, but i think tonight I am only getting my 6 months and 9 months chips...year one will be in Dec....emotionally sober for me....but yea,
I miss my friends and so I may go to swim at 6 and shower at 6:30, dress and get ready at gym, and I could WALK to the church from there if I wanted to....the testimonials /chips/ band starts at 7pm which is what I want to share and meets at 8pm....with Covid and my deciding to move away from the small group, I'll just leave at 8pm when the fun stuff is over with...
I love hearing the testimonials of the ones who are sharing their before life and their recovery life....and I just want to pray for them to ALL make it..but you know, where there are successes, more of them, I think, there are some we lose, like Allison....Thanks for stopping by....I think I will be safer in the big church area then the small groups in those small rooms...
I am not 100% sure I am going THIS nite but I AM gonna attend the events at some time.....I miss my friends....
I am impressed at your plans to take care of yourself. Detailed, action-filled and with events that promote healing. In my prayers. Stay focused on what feeds your needs in this difficult time.
Rose Sorry for the loss and the pain it causes. This is real sadness; loss with no expectations of recovery. I use to sit with my Higher Power and question over and over "How could this happen" and then realize I came to believe that after recovery for a time and when my own expectations had returned to "it will never happen to me again" I was experiencing that powerlessness was a life long condition and that I would have to condition my spirits for when or if it continued to happen. Relapse is a soul killer and then I still have what is left to continue with. Prayers going out your way. Apply them where you see the need. ((((hugs))))
Just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for your loss. Recovery brings about hope. After you have shared with someone and seen their progress, and felt your own, you do become hopeful. The changes you see feel good. Seeing progress in others feels good and helps you have hope for yourself. I am so sorry that she lost her battle. It's the ever present reminder of what a gift life and small moments of happiness truly are. Very glad you were able to be there and to have helped how you could in her life. Sending you healing energy.
Ma'am, mama, Rosie... your news bought tears to my eyes. Another loss is a loss too much.
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