The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We kiwis came from a far flung nook of the world. So, hey, we had to be fairly self-reliant away over there. There is a myth that we can make almost anything out of a piece of No. 8 wire...
...having been a farmer, of sorts, ah kin attest to that. I am still the owner of two wiltshire ewes- in a paddock with fences made up of bits and pieces hawked off the old family farm.
I met John in about 2013- in his home state that we were passing through.
We were parked up by big fishing pier. The owner, a native American, joined us in our conversation. Maybe he was waiting for those cans of Heinneken to drop onto that table.
I am sure he is still waiting.
Anyway John single-handedly created the six of seven group that make up the MIP family.
I got the narrative of how the term MIP came to be.
He told me that his sponsor had the skills of a lay -therapist and that he handed them onto him.
I do know that sponsors probably vary a fair bit.
For me- if I was asked to be a sponsor- I would ask a member to do steps 1,2,3 inside of a group first. To get a real hand-hold onto the concept of a higher power- and how it works for us.
In some ways the higher power has to be felt rather than thought.
Being in a living breathing group, in may view could help promote this.
John was a bit of a cowboy, I thought. But he was talented, and an innovator.
He admired speakers like Bob E. who I always thought was a pivotal figure- in his time.
John had actually spoken- at a convention- in tandem with Bob E.
In many ways, what hooks us into our groups- whatever the 12 Step group- is that we are with real people- with hopes and dreams- with real issues. Nutty, and gritty... all over...
Thank you for sharing your own remembrance of our founder John F who had the vision to create this online forum
I am thoroughly familiar with Bob E who was one of the most formidable speakers on the AA circuit I know of.
As a writer his story.telling ability was beyond innovative, funny, sharp, riveting. I remember very well his dulisclosure that he did 17 fourth steps and not once mentioned his childhood and no one noticed
For me John F was an enigma. Of course I.wanted the hallmark version of recovery (you know the one where bullies tell you how recovered they are and how bad your grade is in their own so successful recovery view). John was so committed to being honest about where he was whenever he shared.
He never deviated from the truth and he did not tolerate bullies who pour their rage and scorn on others by reflex daily by any means necessary. After all only they count.
Furthermore at this time of year John was always cognizant if the alcoholic who.still suffered. While he didnt gloss over the chaos of the recovering alcoholic's life he asked us to have compassion for them. There was real grace and genuine love there.
Now John's radical honesty seems like a real badge of bravery. Being honest about where he really was rather than talking about where he wanted oeople to think he was. How easy it is to be trapped in that projection
Being honest of course was synbollic of Bob E who.shared his own hilarious journey of recovery in such stunning stories about sleeping on his sponsor's couch and 7 marriages
Indeed making recovery human and humble is your signature. Every day is a new beginning, with or without bullies who would so like to pulverise me into silence every day by their labels. I rise and start over every single day no matter what. Every day is a new opprtunity to learn and grow. Every day is not promised.
Thank you for reminding us of how this group came into being
Maresie
Thank you David for your glimpse into who John was. I never knew him, nor met him. But I am grateful for his courage and tenacity to start this forum.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
And Maresie there is a lot more to your walk- than meets the eye!
Bob E. was pivotal- and he opened up to a world where our organisations were not longer run by men alone.
But are now operated jointly, and in a united way. I think it took some time, and teething problems.
Alanon as primarily a woman's organisation when I joined. The prototype being Joan and Jill who prepared Fred and John with a nice cup of tea- when they got home from a meeting. Or coffee, in the USA.
Bob was a street corner thug. Who teed up with NA. Through the fellowship, really, he got to be a TV scriptwriter. He had an authentic view of the crime culture- and all it's wills and wiles...
But through this he was able too afford therapy. Something many is beyond the reach of many of us.
And- of course therapy that actually addresses our underlying C-PTSD, as it is called today.
I laughed at his candour- about his seven marriages. Irony...
The picture I have in my head is from far and away. William Webb Ellis was a British schoolboy at the famous Rugby School. The kids were playing football- soccer, that is.
And he just picked up the ball and ran with it.
The great grand-daddy, of Rugby, Irish Football, Aussie Rules and Gridiron.
In some groups- Alanon and AA, in particular the rules and guidelines are so rigid- I think they replicate our combined family rules- ...don't speak, don't feel, etc etc...
and seasoned members will pick up the ball and run with it- just sometimes.
I challenged a tiny rule right here. Last week. Did not set out to do it- it just happened.
And it paid off- it broke through a barrier. It created a deeper sense of trust and bonding.
It was still very much in line with our policies and practise.
And it gave me a it more confidence, too.
Sunday morning here... air has been cooler lately... the valley has a lot of cherry trees and grape vines. Pinot noir- mostly... not the sleepy old sheep town that it was... ...or the bustling gold town it had been.
because we all come from different parts here- there are rich and deep experiences to draw from.
In this group we can always alter, or delete, a share that does not work.
It is impossible to bluff, or to hide, from what we say- which I think is delightful!
Because we are all in good company...
..."there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness to be lessened"
How many times have I said that, and said it too- as I took my turn to chair a meeting.
I lived in city once where there were 400 meetimg a week
I have been to many.conventions. i have also worked at a convention center where conventions were held regularly. One of my jobs was at a movie theater. One of our most chaotuc times was when they had a special showing of my name is Bill W. All those people asking for soecial treatment
Of course the old timers had a great time at a movie like they knew the history of AA backwards.
Recovery can be a chaotic business but where would we be without it.
I tend to go to some more structured settings but all thse choices and all those opportinitues made me. They became my home.
My recovery is still one of my first and foremost priorities
I am indeed blessed to now have a therapist and a focus for my week. I am also blessed to consider getting better is the priority for my life.
As we discussed Bob Earl said he did 17 4th steps no one
noticed he did not include his childhood
Then the world opened up.for me and he found insights into why he was the way he was.
Then he shared that with the world
Recovery is an evolving process
I know i just started to read about Anthony Bourdain killed himself. Before that he had a sustained recovery from addiction. He went from bare survival to prosperity.
Bourdain acknowledged only one in four recovers from addiction. One in four. The odds against someone with a traumatic childhood must be very slim
Remember who your true peers are. Remember what the odds were against you
Maresie
Maybe the southern most meetings in the world are 3 hours south of here. With a conservative rural hinterland- Alanon is still relatively strong there.
Something I used to say a lot- in these smaller rural towns there are no other groups around the corner.
So we do have to try and "make" our groups work.
I used to go to all the combined AA Alanon assemblies... and picked up a lot of stuff.
Early on I was well schooled in the Steps Traditions, Concepts and Warranties of Service.
One time 8 or 10 years ago the CEO of Alanon came through here- Rick B. I think he was.
As he shared with us- he was able to demonstrate the boundary between his official role, and his role as a single sharing member.
Learned a heap from that, being primed for it.
Otherwise... its just about being honest- or trying to... ...
We kiwis came from a far flung nook of the world. So, hey, we had to be fairly self-reliant away over there. There is a myth that we can make almost anything out of a piece of No. 8 wire...
Thanks P.