The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Journaling is teaching me a lot about me and here are some tidbits of things I , with the help of my Higher Power, want/plan to do to be a better me and if I had just ONE year left to live, here are some things that came up in my journaling
I would want to make it the best year I could by:
learning as much as I can how I "tick" learn about my body/mind/emotions...face/trace and if I cannot erase, find ways to manage my defects
learn to recognize when I am disregulated/triggered/anxious....acknowledge it, allow it to pass through me, investigate where it is coming from..Give me extra nurturing/nourishment..WRITE it down in my journal, my fears and my resentments because most likely the trigger/anxious feeling is rooted in some fear or resentment
Meditate and meditate some more..and while doing it, tune out all noise, put phone on silent mode, have my QUIET to meditate
asses my relationships and in my journal write down the ones who are a blessing, who are not..cut out or distance myself from the non keepers in my life, even if they are cyberspace/recovery relationships...detach, let go of all the ones who are not a mutual blessing with me
Have my down time..my alone time..to BE with ME...Don't Isolate, but cut down on "over socializing" either by phone or fac2fac, cut down on all but the REAL friends/family..working steps 4, 10 will help me with that
Stop spending $$ on comfort crap..look at my budget, what needs to be paid/purchased (don't be too stingey, a treat is good but be reasonable) cut out all the comfort crap that only gives me a sugar high
DAILY exercise and throw in some Yoga to keep the body limber and myself connected to my body/mind/emotions and my spirit..This calms emotions and causes me to feel better in all ways
Stop the negative thinking..challenge negative thoughts..Make them "prove to me they are right" replace them with prayer and gratitude to my HP..get rid of Black and white thinking, QUIT being judgemental, if I don't "resonate" with someone or something, just go my own way, detach...
In the process of my regular journaling, I sorta found out some things I can do to make life better for myself and those I care about....
Be a better friend, sister, just be better to my "keepers" in my life...TAKE time for the ones I want to keep and that includes being a better friend to me
Be a good worker where i am at and if I hate my job/client?? STILL be a good worker, but take steps to leave the job/client..Make it a goal to find HAPPY means of support...
If single which I am, make friends with the opposite sex..Get to know each other over TIME and EXPERIENCE...Friends first is a good mantra
Just be more grateful in life and pray the Serenity prayer and know that I CAN change me for the good if I can grow some loving, firm discipline and dedication into being a happier, healthier, more abundant and better person to myself and to share that with safe others.....
With covid interfering with everyone's life, I have been thinking about what really matters. And what I've come up with is that it is the people in my life that really matter, friends as well as family. So I had lunch outside with a friend at a restaurant, I'm taking a walk with a program friend on Monday wearing masks, I'm sending notes to people snail mail, and Facetiming with people I never facetimed with before, like my youngest brother. It is wonderful people that I'm blessed to have, that could not be replaced should any of us have one year to live. So even with this darn stupid virus, and life being so unpredictable, I want to make sure to connect with folks who have helped me get through my life.
I do not think I'd be a good person to find out when my Earthly expiration date was....simply because recovery has taught me that each day is a gift, blessing and miracle and living each day to the best of my ability is living my best life. If I were to pass today, tomorrow, next week, etc. I would have no regrets and know of no unfinished business.
I do believe that when I am spiritually fit, I am led to action daily. Knowing my expiration date would probably cause me to slip back into self-will, controlling, fearful behavior - and when I am there, I am just not living my best life. For me, continuously working the steps of this program and managing 'things' as they come up helps me really keep my side of the street clean.
Be gentle with yourself always. Trust your HP, your program, your progress and your efforts. Make every exchange with fellow imperfect humans as kind as possible. Forgive others to heal your heart, make amends to others to remove mental baggage and be authentic always. Find and keep your joy each day! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
IamHere, you really touched my heart with your last paragraph ---I notice that I am gentler with myself, working and progressing in trusting my HP and my program and yea, I do see progress which encourages me to keep up the good work...I am kinder than in the past but I still could do some improvement, forgiving to me is letting go the resentments and desire for revenge..waay much better on that one, but could use some more work on that.....and yes, step 10 enables me to see "what did I do good?? bad??? and how do I feel???" and if amends are in order, do it!! and do it ASAP....I crave authenticity and to be real...Even tho I am light years from where I used to be, I am still not where I want to be...this is a journey, never a destination...and yea, find my joy and keep it, savor it....
thank you IamHere for your great post---((((((HUGS))))) back at ya
Lyne, that is so wonderful, the things you want to do and are doing with the people who matter in your life...I really love reading your shares....you are a true testimony that this program works...and I am taking a page from your book, keeping in touch..I have a male cousin who is AGAIN, in the hospital..his sister, my cousin and one of my BFFs and I were talking that things don't look so good for cousin "F"...he, of late, is in and out of hospital, sick all the time, I am going to take time to call him, entertain him with my life stories, etc., he and I used to be really close as kids...I want to , while we still have him, to rekindle that and savor the time I have left with him... .....((((((HUGS)))))
AND TT...Thank you for your always kind support....I am grateful that you are here and this share of mine was a positive for you and that we are riding this recovery train together.....and OH YEA.....One day at a time....((((HUGS))))
That truly is a "Rose a work in progress post" lady. I have to smile and chuckle when reading it as it reminds me for sure that our program works when we work it and has when you have worked it. YAY ROSE!! KEEP COMING BACK AND KEEP SHARING YOUR GROWTH. MAHALO!! ((((HUGS))))
-- Edited by JerryF on Monday 19th of October 2020 12:32:33 PM
One year will be my last year of life- but darn! I won't know what year.
I got really antsy because Americans seem to have therapists- but not so easy elsewhere. ...
Bit I have one now tho'. I see her monthly... so it cots me $20 per week.
She is a physiotherapist- and is a wounded healer herself... or so it appears...
I did her 30 day breathing course first- and attended two mass breathing workshops with her as leader before I actually got an appointment.
But she says that I got my breathing right!
Give her something more to work on reducing my levels of stored trauma.
But the short answer is that I used to have suicidal ideation. Death wish. Which was horrific.
I had it for much of my life... and through my Alanon I know the reasons... and through my Step 11, now I am able to address these.
So much of my life was wasted. Wrecked. I was a walking zombie, really.
so much to look forward to now... I am dreaming of retiring at the age of 84. Pottering around the yard- cycling, swimming and taking walks. More local travel.
This may end tomorrow- or in the next six minutes!
If so- please tell the world I died happy! ...
Thanks for the share, Mama... so profound... you are an inspiration! ...
((((((((((((Jerry))))))))))))))))) and ((((((((((((((((David))))))))))))))))) I had to quit my church recovery group as the leader did something to me that was unacceptable and no amends.....part of my (get rid of relationships that prove to not be good for my progress) I will go to the other group instead., OR just go to the services and not go to the recovery meets....one is for survivors (the one I was in) the other is for addicts....also with Covid, I have to be careful.....
even in church I'm going to find folks that need to be kept at a distance our cut out all together...I did it kindly, only my pastor knows because he said "i'll see you Tues. night at Recovery" and I said "no you won't..irreconcilable differences between me and the room leader, however I AM going to your life groups"
he was gracious not to ask what happened, but left the door open for me to share if I needed support and I said it was all taken care of, I left...removed me from the dysfunction.....I re-read my text to the room leader and I was surprised that I kept my fangs down to a "progress" looking length....when i think of progress over perfection or completion, I can feel like I am moving forward and I am less hard on me....
and yea, David, I relate to the breathing and stored pain big time....I can't afford a therapist and ya know??? doing research, getting support from like recovery mates has helped me a lot... I also relate to the "So much of my life was wasted. Wrecked. I was a walking zombie, really." I SO relate to that and I just figure that whats gone is gone and all I can do is try to make TODAY good, so MAYBE if I have a tomorrow, it might be good....I had so much resentment over so much of MY life being wasted, wrecked" but I just made the decision to let go the resentment which just extended the waste and wreckage...its a lot of hard work and whatever works, David, I pray you do it and you feel better.....Its true, USA has therapy but at what a cost?? Holy Moly!!!! AND to find a fellow survivor of MY kind of pain would be very difficult...for me?? what has worked best is the peer to peer support in recovery groups....and my own self care/validation......
thanks guys for stopping by.....LOVE it when my shares can be a blessing
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