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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Courage to Change October 14
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change October 14
Skorpi


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Courage to Change October 14
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In today's reading, the author reflects on a quote: "Do not search for the truth, only cease to cherish opinions." 

For today's author, ceasing to cherish opinions is tied directly to step 10 (Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.) The author has a tendency to believe that they know how things should be done, and that other people are too short sighted to recognize this, and that ignoring one's feeling is practical. Over and over, the author finds through experience that these stances are wrong. Step 10 is a reminder of the need to continue taking a persona inventory and make frequent corrections, particularly in areas where mistakes are repeated. 

Today's Reminder: It is no easy task to change the thinking of a lifetime, even when I am sure I Want to change. The 10th Step allows me to be aware of sliding back into faulty thinking. I don't have to abuse myself when it happens - that doesn't help at all. By promptly admitting when I'm wrong, I am doing what I can to change. 

Today's Quote: "No longer must we accumulate burdens of guilt or resentment that will become heavier and more potent over time. Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to clear the air and start again, fresh and free." 

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Like todays author, i can fall back into faulty thinking. My particular favorite faulty thought pattern is that I can control situations if I just figure out the right approach. Thanks to step 10, I can recognize when these thoughts pop up, and I can take steps to bring my thinking back to a more productive and healthy approach. Talking to an Al-Anon friend or attending a meeting, visiting MIP, and reading in the readers all help me let go of my faulty thinking, accept things as they are, and make a plan for action that works for me. 

cooler temps should be arriving tonight, and I'm looking forward to fall cooking and baking. One positive thing about working from home this year - I Won't have to battle the snow covered or ice covered roads to get too and from work! 



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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Lyne


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Thanks Skorpi for your service and share. I think my biggest, recurring piece of faulty thinking, is that the light will go on for my A and alcohol treatment will begin. So far, over and over again, I slip into this non-reality stance, and need the auto-correct to acknowledge I am off track and not in charge of anyone else. Each time I re-visit this experience, its like an Ah-Ha moment for the first time. And then I allow myself the knowledge that I have been at this crossroad dozens of times. I dont fault myself anymore for wishing someone I love to obtain appropriate help, but I do need to acknowledge that the only street I can keep clean in my own.

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Lyne
Iamhere


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Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares and ESH. The way I 'roll' is that I wake up with untreated side affects from the disease of alcoholism. It's my job/choice to 'treat' this so that my day goes as well as possible. It took me a long, long, long while to realize I have to treat/attack the affects of this disease each and every day. It doesn't matter how long I've been around the program, or active in recovery, upon awakening, I must choose to take action and not rest as this disease sits and waits for 'us' to relax or efforts.

Coming to Al-Anon from 'the other side', the 10th Step for me was a daily review of what I didn't do good or what I did wrong. In all my 24 hours on that side of the program, I truly never was told to consider what I did better. Of course, we do believe the daily reprieve from mind-altering substances is 'enough' for an A, one day at a time. I'm grateful for that simply goal, as when I started 12 Step recovery, there were days that I felt I tied my hands and feet together just to not drink/drug.

In Al-Anon, I learned a more gentle approach to step work and recovery from this disease in those I love. I rely on Step 10 to help me see room for improvement and areas for growth yet also make sure I take note of things I did better, drama/chaos I was able to avoid with grace and dignity, and unconditional acceptance and love of others.

I believe 2 key tools that help my tenth step go 'better' are the Pause to Pray before I Proceed and the When in Doubt, Don't. I so, so hear you Lyne. My youngest son was doing very well - good paying job, living in an apt. with a friend, purchased his own car, paying bills, etc. I hoped and prayed that he was finally on the path to a better way of life and it all came crashing down. He won't take my calls, has crashed his car, got fired from his job, etc. I am sad again, disappointed again and fearful again - yet, it's not as 'bad' because I do have this program, my support, my tools, etc. I have been looking at this for more than a month and again, see that my own expectations are the catalyst which set me up for my emotions regarding his relapse. It seems silly to me to expect the disease to prevail yet might help me better cope with reality - don't know.

What has changed is I am able to tell him I love him and then let him be in his disease. He knows I will help him with recovery but not assist with any aspect of this disease. I have not tried to save him, feed him, encourage him, persuade him, etc. Just doing my best to love him from across the street and take care of me. Not always easy...

We are also planning to wake up to much cooler temperatures. It's 82 right now and will be in the 30s by morning. I will be golfing in the PM tomorrow vs. the AM...already planning for the change in weather/temperatures. I really do love 3 of the 4 seasons we experience here - you all can have winter!! Love and light all - Happy Hump Day!



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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
DavidG


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   smile Spring is upon us now, Skorpi... with Antarctic weather intervening every two weeks...

       My step 10's to myself were the last to emerge... for obvious reasons... family norms were distorted. Issues and concerns were never really addressed, especially as the disease took a hold. So there was no way to know- where to go, and what to do.

People's cares and concerns hurt- those coming from the adult world. So I learned not to go there- so not to make it worse.

Getting it all into perspective took time- a lifetime, almost... having a world and a family to do this with was a godsend... a family of choice...

...thanks for the topic today... aww ...



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
mamalioness


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thank you Skorpi, and thanks for your service

yep, old patterns of thinking are hard to dump, but I do believe that my brain WANTS to be healed..like for me, thinking I can pay attention-slow down-be mindful can be "cured in a snap" NOOO it cannot....

I have to do my inventory every day and I also journal...how did I do today?? what can I improve on?? what kudos are owed to me for job well done AND journal my feelings and that includes the resentments and fears and just WRITING them down, I can get clarity and of course reading others shares, the dailies here, etc., but yea, It took me decades to get this messed up, it isn't going to heal in a short time, but the abuser's hit and miss dismantling of me is way less powerful then my dedicated, persevering, repetitious, every day work on me to "unlearn" the bad patterns....Thanks for your share

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Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME
Maresie888


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I.am here. I am so impressed to hear about you kyst lettimg your son be in his disease. Of course I had to do that with ky sister and other relatives because I was so far away from them.
Nevertheless their denial was very very hard for me to detach from. Detachment is such an artform. For me being an essential worker in this pandemic is indeed a crash course in detachment. Of course resolving to get out of debt and move to a place where I can look at where I should be next us also a paradigm shift.
I have heard other al anon speakers talk about honoring the decision of their significant others to act in a truly destructive manner. I have stood on my head to the point of exhaustion rescuing others. Choosing to refrain from rescuing is certainly a very difficult stance to take
I still entertain fantasies of rescuing. A friend of mine is quite ill about to go in the hospital
I had to turn down his request to go over and help him.
In the past my whole self image would have been tied up in how much I.could help him, how I could demonstrate what true devotion was. While i certainly feel for my friend (who actually has other options than the one he has chosen) the fact is my needs currently come first.
For perhaps the first time in my life I can say I have some priorory. My priority is no longer to prove how worthy I am. I just have to live my own life honoring my own needs.
Maresie

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