The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about a coping mechanism that is sometimes used to deal with the chaos of alcoholism. The writer describes having grown up in chaos and in response escaping through books and art; over time this was not only an escape from all that was happening in the alcoholic home, but an isolating and socially debilitating impairment for the writer. Even after finding an Alanon meeting, the writer felt isolated until he realized two things: No matter how different we feel, were all very similar. No matter how similar we seem, were all very different.
He then understood that what had been holding him back the most in his recovery was that he had not been keeping an open mind.
The idea of retreating into isolation is something that resonated with me. I know I continue to do this from time to time. I sometimes have to sort out the difference between taking time for myself and pushing other people away. Similarly, we can be aware that no other person is exactly as we are, yet still understand that we might have some situations in common, and can always learn from one another. The last few words from the quote from p117 of In All Our Affairs is the thought I will take with me today: ...I am not alone.
Mary, thank you for sharing this topic. I can relate. As an introvert, I really enjoy my alone time and have always loved reading, home projects, etc. I'm not usually one who seeks out others, although I will respond if they seek me out. I need the alone time to recharge my energy. But it is a balance, and if I completely exclude others, I am really missing out. The biggest comfort I discovered in Al-Anon was that I am not alone. Wow, others could understand me, support me, and not judge me. Amazing!!
For me, it is about balance between connecting with others (which I love, but it takes a lot of energy), limiting contact with others who take too much of my mental energy, and recharging my batteries with time alone. Balance is important but not always easy. I think about the poses in yoga where I have to stand on one leg. It is not easy. I am wobbly. Often I need to hold onto something. That is like my program. Sometimes I need to hold onto others to stay in balance.
Thank you Mary for your service. Wow! What a great topic for me!! I love what you shared, Freetime!!!
I am also an "introvert." I shared earlier in another post that I don't mind being alone. In fact, I have to sometimes "make" myself be social. I find that I do need a couple days after a large social event alone to "recharge" myself. I can really relate to the theory of "energy vampires," and I now try and limit my exposure to those types of people.
But, the balance for me comes with understanding myself and my needs, while also being open-minded to the beauty of others! Yes, we are not all the same. In fact, I believe our country is better because we have our differences! I keep a prose poem by Max Ehrmann - called Desiderata - in my bathroom where I can see it as I get ready for my day. In Latin, Desiderata means "things desired." It reminds me that we are all unique but similar, and with an open-mind, we can always learn from another, regardless of station. Sometimes I laughingly call it the "Ego Check Poem."
The key here (for me) is to make sure to engage with Respect. I feel that is where our nation has lost it's way. We have forgotten how to engage -even disagree - with respect.
Not sure what I have planned today, but my brother ans SIL are coming over later for a socially distanced dinner picnic, and that makes my heart sing! I miss face 2 face engagement with my brother so much!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH & shares. I am more likely to want to withdrawal when I am restless, irritable or discontent. I can be alone or with others when I am spiritual fit - so, for me, I have to pay attention when I don't want to ..... (insert anything here). I don't just pass on social things, I can quickly pass on many things and need to just be mindful always.
I have learned to accept and embrace the differences in folks as I've grown in recovery. Prior to, I really tended to shy away from different and perhaps even judge/gossip. Today, I practice trying to listen to everyone and if I can't relate, it's OK!
Even when I am sitting completely alone, I don't feel alone or lonely - a gift of a loving HP in recovery. I still have moments of fear, sadness, grieving, etc. which is also OK. What I do know is 'this too shall pass' applies to all things in life, good/bad, hard/easy/etc.
It's been a long day for me here - volunteered this morning from 7 -2ish then watched my football team get beat. I'm working on accepting that loss, which was deserved....Happy Sunday all - make it a great evening!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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