The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 9/28, reflects upon why we go to alanon: to learn about alcoholism and its devastating results, that there is no cure, but sobriety is possible through AA, WHEN THE ALCOHOLIC IS READY. We also learn that we too, went downhill, and an honest appraisal of ourselves leads to improvement.
Reminder: To live the alanon way can lead to such contentment as we have never before experienced. To those of us who earnestly use the program it offers the richest of benefits. It is a learning process that works best for those who approach it with willingness and humility.
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The phrase above that smacks me upside the head is When the alcoholic is ready. My alcoholic is still not ready, and it does take a great deal of compassion, patience, and commitment, to stay in this marriage and take care of myself. Ive come to accept that my A may never be ready, however there is less drinking overall and some attempts at communicating in a better manner than before do take place.
And the ironic part is that I have felt better than I ever have before. I receive the benefits of this program and my HP. And I am committed to alanon for I experience many blessings and positive rewards. And so I continue with willingness and humility. In C2C on p. 142 it says humility is perpetual quietness of heart. And that is described as doing my part and letting God do the rest. Its a good plan.
Thank you Lyne, yea, this program helped me get off my judgmental high horse and view the alcoholic with some compassion...would I marry another one??? hell no!!! MAYBE if they are sober for a decade or two, actively working a program and even then, I would be really praying to my HP for it.....but yea, I don't have to live with /hang out with alcoholics which I choose not to because I was so impacted by the disease, but I now look at them with compassion and hey!! I have MY addictions as well: Control for one...so who am I to judge??? Al-anon has helped me grow up and grow some heart
Happy Monday MIP. Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your ESH & shares. It took me a long, long, long while to realize that no matter how much I wanted sobriety in one I love it was not my time or my will or my prayers that would 'make it happen'. The best I could do was detach healthily and allow reality to unfold for another.
Learning the Al-Anon way was not easy for me. I'd felt like a failed warrior in a long, never-ending battle, raging against everyone and everything for so, so long. I had absolutely no idea how to be or do differently and needed so, so much guidance. I am grateful for the patience and love of others who came before me and for the reality that I will make mistakes, hopefully learn from them and just keep moving forward.
I readily admit I had and still have at times a disconnect between my head and my heart. My head 'gets it' - the detaching and the self-preservation; my heart is always behind - hurting and wanting for others what I've found in recovery - freedom from the bondage of self. The Al-Anon way, for me, helps to bridge the gap, and allows me to find peace and joy no matter what another is doing/not doing.
Love and light to all - make it a great day! We had lots of rain yesterday so I'm taking a break from golf today. It's also a bit chilly this morning - fall has hopefully, permanently arrived. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for the post and shares, Lyne, Rose, and IAH!
I identify so much with what Lyne shared. Although my wife has stopped drinking, she hasn't found AA or Al-Anon. Leaning into the program HEAVILY helps me to stay in the marriage, and find contentment. My life is much improved, and I can keep the focus on myself and what I am doing with the help of the program and program friends. I've come to peace with the idea that my wife may never enjoy the benefits of AA or AlAnon, but that doesn't mean that I can't. And who knows? In her own time, she might just find her way without any help from me.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Lyne for your service and great share. Thank you to all above who shared their ESH and enriched my Al-Anon experience!
Al-Anon has helped me to uncover the "authentic" me. I have found my strengths and weaknesses, and what I will and won't tolerate. It helped me to have compassion for those who are affected by addiction. It has also helped me to understand how the disease can affect all who surround it - collateral damage... and understand and accept that it is "OK" to not want that collateral damage in my life (that was HUGE for me, as I constantly felt "bad" or "wrong" for feeling this way). The program also gives me tools to use for the rare occasion that collateral damage does spill into my domain. I also find that I can use some form of this program in my daily life! Bonus!!
I am envious of your weather, Iamhere... we are to have another week of triple digits where I live. I am so tired of summer!
I long for rain and blustery fall weather!! September in SOCAL is just a long extension of summer! LOL!
Wishing you all a happy, productive Monday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lynn for your service
I.most certainly have compassion for the alcoholic. I also have s grear deal of detachment. Having boundaries around an alcoholic has been so essential.
Growing up boundaryless has set me up to be around people who constantly invalidate my needs. On other occasions in my life i have chosen to focus on myself. In general that decision has not been welcomed by the people around me.
Now I have far more willingness to put myself in the picture
Having compassiom for the alcoholic does not mean I have to act in compulsive way around them. What a relief to be abe to.do that without guiily
Maresie
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