The material presented
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level.
I need some more feed back if I am doing what is right with my son. His dad is the alcoholic and is very manipulative. My son is now 18 and is living with me. His dad has lost his house and is now living down the street temporarily with a friend. My husband and I have told Joey that we do not ask form much but as long as he lives with us he needs to let us know when he is staying the night somewhere. This last friday he did not call us and let us know where he was staying. I know that he went to his dads and knowing his dad he probably told my son that he is 18 and does not need to call us. I did leave a note on our door and locked up our house and told him that we are assuming that he is at his dads and that if he does not tell us again where he is at the car will be taken away and also he has been skipping school so if he skips anymore the car will be taken away. We also have started to lock the house when we leave because we do not want my sons dad in our house. He does things illegally and he is very good at manipulating his son. I am also thinking Joe may be so mad at us that he may decide to live with his dad. Which at that point he won't be able to take the car with him. It is in my husbands name. We will tell him his dad can help with getting Joe signed up for college and help with him with paying for it and also he can have my sons open house. I have be in alanon for years and me and my sons step dad have done so much for my son his dad as done nothing and we are the ones that get treated like crap. His dad as never stepped up to the plate. He always promises my son things and never follows through. Do you think I am doing the right thing by going over with him the rules of the house and telling him if he does go live with his dad his dad can pay for everything. I have not received any child support from him since last august. My husband as been paying for the insurance on my sons care and we are also going to tell him he needs to start doing chores around here to pay for the insurance if he is going to stay here. My son has started doing the same things his dad does. He lies to us and I know he has been drinking. He tells us that good grades are important to him but he doesn't do the work to get them. I feel my son has got to think for himself about what is right and wrong about things. His dad does anything to get my son to go against the rules here. We have thought about getting our phone number changed because his dad has called and left nasty messages on our phone or he calls late at night and hangs up when we answer. I just need to know if I am doing the right thing by setting boundaries and telling Joe that if he moves to his dads his dad is going to need to start taking responsibility for helping Joe out which he has never done before. Thank you for listening to my book
An 18 year old still needs a united front from his parents. He might be able to vote, but he is not grown up!! Stick to your boundaries. My brother is 52 and living at home due to disability and he has to follow the rules of the home, just as I do when I visit. It's your home, your rules.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Just a thought from our home. In respecting the "House Rules" we give and receive priviledges. Times when emotions try to find an exception "THE RULES of The HOUSE are; We do not allow exceptions. *especially if bad behaviour is involved. #1- Bad Behaviour is unacceptable.
In this way we are able to assure that our home is safe, predictable and diciplined. We pray each day it remain healthy and happy for everyone. Yes, things happen and chaos breaks out. It is a home with the * isms. But having set rules, boundaries., we are one more step up to insure it remains a safe place. It's said, " Cant live with these House Rules? Your on Your Own." I have to say that I agree with Josey. ((BiGHUG))
My husband and I do have a united front. The problem is that my sons real dad tells my son that he does not need to listen to us since he is now 18. My sons dad is the alcoholic. I just hope some day my son realizes that his dad is very sick and does not let himself get sucked in to the games and manipulation.
My 18 year is now living at a friends house. He said that he is going to try living with his dad after he gets a place. Last week was a real bad week. I was so angry and filled with resentment last week. I couldn't sleep. I was mad at my self for reacting instead of no action or thinking before I respond to my sons alcoholic father. My son and his dad both manipulated the situation. I thought maybe my sons dad would work with me on discipling our son. Instead he took full advantage of the situation. I am angry at my son because he does not see all the things I have done for him and his dad has done absulutely nothing. I am going to work on not reacting to my sons dad. I gave up my serenity by reacting. I have been in the program for years and screwed up. However I do think I have learned from this. I have been reading alot of pages on reacting. I also have really started on tough love with my son. I gave my son all of his college information and told him that he needs any help with filling out the loan applications or going with him to orientation at school, he will need to call me and ask for help. I am not going to chase him down. I also said no to my son when he asked for me to cosign a loan for a car.
#1- Bad Behaviour is unacceptable. 
remain healthy and happy for everyone. Yes, things happen and chaos breaks out. It is a home with the * isms. But having set rules, boundaries., we are one more step up to insure it remains a safe place. It's said, " Cant live with these House Rules? Your on Your Own." I have to say that I agree with Josey. ((BiG
HUG))