One of the charecteristics of being in a relationship with an alcoholic is having a hard time. No matter what the alcoholic seems to.make life harder, much much harder. I already have a full olate. In a oandemic year that can put someone over the edge. This is a tine for me to be even mire cautious. In my 20 year relationship with the former roommate he has often made my life much much harder. Irinically it is under the guise of being heloful. Of course in his mind he is a devoted friend and generous to a fault. Nothing could be further from the truth. Approximately three years ago I.stayef with him for a while approximately a year. On the surface he made an offer thar was not something else I had on hand. On the surface it was the best choice. Then he went out of his wsy to aystematically undermine me at every turn. That was in fact part of the offer. The same issue came uo this year when I went to stay with him while my aoartment was being renmovated. On the surface he seemed to have a lot of the things I needed when I did not have many choices. Then he started on his systematic under mining. This tine he went for the jugular. This charecteristic of believing the alcoholic has something to offer is sonething that is a big #hook# for me When I.met the forner qualifier he was extremely supportive and quite generous. I did not think.to look below the surface or listen carefully to what he had to say. He laud out the demise of his orevious relationship quute clearly. I have to look carefully at my hooks. I.can get hooked in so fast then it takes me forever to back off. In the case of the qualifier I did not back off until I was debt ridden. Let us not forget that when I left the qualifier I had no money. Even after had he managed to come back and hook me in again with he had something to offer me. Being a manipiator requures a lot of oractive. He has had a lot of practice. I am now incredibly self reliant. I am also more observant but I can still fall victim to those hooks. The consequences for me for #falling# for those are immense. The fall out trenendous. Without al anon I woukd be out taking that meeyground till it kills me . Before I left the ex roommmates house he came up.with an offer that was dead set on to hook me in once again. This tine I held off. Nevertheless let's face it in many levels he has managed to hook me in for 2o years (intermittently). This time I listened.and really heard the gaslughting of all my needs. In sone ways he was absolutely blatant that none of my needs would ever count. In fact I was not supposed to have any needs. As far as he was concerned. I am in fact only there fir his needs Of course being vulnerable to being hooked is a sign of not being observant. I think it is also a sign of not being able to manage ny triggers. Once I am triggered I can be lost in the trigger for some time. Nevertheless as an adult I.have to take note that I am responsible for my life no ione else is. That means that I am willing to not go down the yellow brick road of being hookef reoeatedly like a passive fish swimomg aroumd clueless any more. Maresie