The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page touches on a foundational concept of AlAnon: The level of felt Serenity is ours to control or give away, determined in part by how we choose to respond to people and situations around us.
If we stop reacting to or acting upon everything that comes our way, instead choosing the factors that we truly need or wish to respond to, we are better able to let go and let our higher power take care of many things that otherwise could trouble us.
Reminder: I cannot know, nor should I be troubled by the 'why' behind others' actions. My serenity need not be endangered by my reacting to everything. ------------------ Before I found AlAnon, I thought it was my responsibility to respond to everything I became aware of. This was exhausting and resulted in constant agitation and long stretches without anything that resembled Serenity.
AlAnon showed me a better way: allowing others to find their own way and learn from their own experience. They have, or will find, their own higher power. I should not, nor cannot successfully insist that they follow what I believe to be best.
This is an ongoing adjustment process that allows me to experience Serenity to the extent that I follow the Steps, reminders, and turn things over to my higher power...so grateful for that wisdom
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Paul for your service and great share. Just this morning I was getting stressed out by having to call my eye doctor for direction and put up with a guy working in the garage that I do not have a high opinion of. And I told myself that this is an opportunity to practice my tools. The reading is a great reminder to try to control myself in times of stress, and not let outside forces determine my feelings. (Is that not codependency?) So Im trying and progress not perfection!
I am on the eastern coast- tending to my sheep, and woodcutting. I found a chain wound a tree I was cutting down. a well timed find. It rained for a while so I went into the city for a while. Went and visited my nephew. His partner is in treatment, and there kids ae in care. It seems that K. might be pregnant again. This seems to me to be a final act of revenge on "the system".
This led me to a lot of reflections on my own life- and our overall family structure.
Nephew had a feral dog by his side- one of a breed designed for self-defence, really. It is that kind of culture. I offered him the chain and he was grateful to take it- it was in the back of the truck. So he could tie Odin up outside.
So recovery- my own in action. Reaching out where I can. Practising my own form of detachment and serenity.
Happy Tuesday all - thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you and others above me for your shares & ESH. I finally decided a day/so ago that I was getting a bid bored/tired with the pandemic. Having said that, it was just an honest admission, shared between self and close friends. I didn't really need to take any action beyond that, just doing my best to be authentic, in that moment.
I have been going out of my way to have a continuous check on my attitude and outlook simply because this year, 2020, has really been a strange, unpleasant kind of year. I do not want to give away my serenity ever, not even for a once in a lifetime, world wide pandemic. Yet, I have learned in Al-Anon that it's perfectly OK to feel what I feel and then make a choice how it will/will not affect my day, my attitude, etc.
What makes me chuckle about this, a few days later, is apparently the God of my understanding felt that perhaps I was bored vs. tired, and 3 of my sponsees all went to a crisis point yesterday. On top of hours upon hours on the phone, I met 2 close program friends for dinner, social distancing on a patio, because one celebrated 32 years of sobriety on 8/28. She is a lovely friend whom I pass my coin to each year as she's about 10 months behind me. It took us a month to figure out how to gather safely to give a gift! So, yesterday was far from the same ole, same ole day of Covid-19...I got to help others who in turn helped me, celebrate a lovely, lovely miracle in another and be of service - an awesome day that I reflected on while preparing for bed.
When I give my power away to others, sacrificing my own serenity in the process, I am of no value to me or another. My days/life go much smoother when I can remember to just pause and pray before I proceed and give all that I can to the God of my understanding. I truly do not know what is best for another, and often not entirely sure what's best for me. Yet, I do know that when I can be authentic, practice what's suggested in this program, and just focus on the next right thing, my days are usually way, way better than I ever thought they might/could be.
I am thrilled with our weather - love the cooler mornings + moderate afternoons. I'm still sending prayer for all those affected on the West coast by the fires as well as those affected on the East coast by the incoming storms/worse. I've golfed already this morning and play in a nine hole league this evening.
Love and light all - make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This year with the pandemic has been all a out letting go. Letting go of sll the boundaries that hold me up
Sometimes I have lspses, mmomentary lapses. A cafe I went to this morning decided to.open later. I let myself be mad for a time then let it go.
At one time I.would recount all the problems I had religiously. I did not know how to brainstorm to lessen the load
Of course I also had a pathological attraction to those who trigger me
Working the program over and over I.am now able to work with my limitations. They are considerable
I am grateful everyday for the opportunity to be in this program. My life was a sucession of crises before. Now I can retreat, readjust and recreate myself
Maresie
thank you Paul for your service and this VERY needed to read share.......
it said "If we stop reacting to or acting upon everything that comes our way, instead choosing the factors that we truly need or wish to respond to, we are better able to let go and let our higher power take care of many things that otherwise could trouble us."
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Oh boy, I still catch me reacting...and if I am not in control/not winning the problem over, I panic..my mind races and I am defeated....UNTIL I can take a step back....Pause and pray, BREATH....back off....pick my battles and still step back and try plan B....it works, because by default, by backing off and breathing, by default I am letting my HP within me jump in and solve the problem....and now, also I pick my battles...."how important is this???" comes to mind...got tested on that today and this time I let my Al-anon run my action which was to just let it go.....deal with it later...its not that big of a deal....self talk helps me too
I am on the eastern coast- tending to my sheep, and woodcutting. I found a chain wound a tree I was cutting down. a well timed find. It rained for a while so I went into the city for a while. Went and visited my nephew. His partner is in treatment, and there kids ae in care. It seems that K. might be pregnant again. This seems to me to be a final act of revenge on "the system".