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Hey everyone!! Missed you guys, and after Linda went to nursing home, I really began to THINK, reflect on WHY so many back spasms, bee stings, seems my body was under some "attack" the bee sting was my not paying attention but the spasms, I truly believe are stored pain, trying to get out
With no Linda to take care of, (its been 3 weeks since she left) I really sat down and had a chat with ME and my God and just ASKED..."what do I need to do or not do to feel better????" I got on line and i researched about stored pain/truma and how our bodies "remember" in the cellular parts, every wound, trauma, etc., like a giant file cabinet
well back in the "days of darkness" I could NOT feel my feelings..it was too dangerous in that hell hole, so I stuffed everything..went numb...detached/disconnected from me and now the back spasms
time for a deeper level of recovery and I found this blog about R A I N and how to apply it along with journalling to myself and my inner child/HP and just letting it all hang out if you are not familiar, R A I N
Recognizing the pain, not running from it, but NOTICING
Allowing, accepting, not fighting it, even sending it love, but DONT resist...ALLOW and ACCEPT no matter what
Investigate, is it old something or new something and do the #s 1, 2 even if you don't know if current or past, journalling can bring out some very interesting stuff
Nurture/Nourish like when I do my exercises, send my back love, breathing deeply, incorporating Yoga stretches into my exercise routine...also I use "tennis ball" therapy, where I filled a pillow case with about 10 tennis balls and I lie on them with my lower back or wherever it is hurting and I gently "massage" me with my tennis balls....there IS such a thing as good pain when I hit those trigger points, tightened up muscles seem to just "let go" when I do this along with my other stuff...
so thats what I've been doing...deep reflection on bringing balance, harmony and total connection to myself, inner and outer and also with Higher Power
I am seeing progress...I'm slowing down....challenging critical parent to PROVE to me I am stupid or shut up!!!! also saying "good job" when I do something out of being mindful and paying attetnion, being in the now....yea, I see progress, I am noticing more "right now" stuff with my 5 senses....its in inches, but inches add up....so thats what I've been doing
still unemployed, hoping the disaster relief lasts till end of year, even if we are only on state, its keeping me going
maybe I was to be unemployed this long so I could find myself and get connected with long buried feelings that really need to get out and are, slowly, getting out as my IC learns to trust me......
so how the heck are all of you???? Gonna see whose posts I can be of help with
Hey Maresie...back is getting better, almost no pain...gonna do what I can, now, to either prevent or minimize the next ones.....I think I am on the right track....do my exercise/stretching/self connection as I START my day, not half way into it......so hows it going with you????
Good to see you Rose - I am a huge fan of reaching out and finding what works when needed! Progress always is such a relief when I make changes in self-care - there is that part of me still that wants perfection at times and of course, immediate relief - not realistic often. Take good care of you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hey everybody! Yeah I had to really get honest with myself and ask me why so much physical pain with my body, and I just hunker down and figured OK I am on employed maybe for a reason. A good reason. I needed the time alone with myself to sort things out with myself and that is when I discovered these things that I had not even touched much less addressed. I noticed that I am slowing down more, pain attention more, I am more in the present, acknowledging when I feel something, and emotion or a physical response, I acknowledge and accept and I notice a bit less anxiety. I am getting more gentle with myself. So I am going to just keep on practicing What seems to be working for me.
Iamhere. I can relate to still wanting perfection LOL but I see myself even toning down on that. And I never thought that would happen. And the old instant relief. Especially when I am in terrible pain, but I just had to ride all the stuff out on its own timing and now I am seeing some dividends. Good to see you too
Tired, good to see you as well and I love that saying, pay yourself first. That is exactly what I am doing. Sometimes there are parts of me that wishes I did not quit that abusive job and that I could have just found a way to put up with the abuse and get the money but then I tell myself that that would have held me back on doing what I am doing now and that is spending time on me and my inner, hurting child. Im just going to trust HP that he is going to provide for me And not drop me
(((((((((((((David)))))))))))))))) well you are the good soul who got me thinking about stored pain and yes...what choices do we have but to sort it out, layer by layer....gonna journal with my self, IC and my HP, today was sorta ugly...I notice when i don't back away from something that is resisting/fighting me, I panic, feel helpless, mind racing, and then I get M.A.D....BIG time....but today, I did , after my anger burst, Pause, breathe, step back and try another avenue......I think it was old anger at being so heplless when young....the good news, ugly as today was, I did let go, walk away, came back and I solved the problem......
I have had many lifelong issues with health related to.my childhood
I recently.acquired health insurance and was hoping I.could address some of them
Unfortunately then COVID came along and that made me have to side step that issue.
Working through what happened to me as a child has taken me decades. Every year I go to new levels on addressing it
There is no.question that my childhood set me up to be in dysfinctional all consuming relationships. I have a lot of deep grief to process around that issue.
The whole issue of what triggers deep feelings for me has been extremely difficult to navigate. I have to be particularly boundaried at all times. When I am in a place where I.am tempted to put others issues before my own I have to resist that impulse dramatically
I see red flags in situations I blindly stumbled into before. For that I.am grateful. I.am also, of course, profoundly grateful to the whole program of al.anon that has helped me navigate issues which frankly left me absolutely suicidal before
Maresie
hey Maresie, I hear ya bout "issues which frankly left me absolutely suicidal before" I've been there many times...thinking life is just too much pain and no quality, so i thought very seriously about "helping me outta here" trauma and pain and God knows I don' thave enough years left to heal all of it, but I am going to TRY and give me a chance at a stable, comfortable life with even some LOVE /Friendship in it....my needs/wants are simple, so its not "undoable" but I have to do more 'cleaning up" within me first...I see that now since I've been unemployed for so long now
I am very grateful to al anon for all the help I have received. During the decades that I have dealt with n.v trauma, I always jooed i would get some respite time. So far it has not arrived. Currently I am working more than ever. I hope to reduce my debt by the end of the year
I am hopimg for calmer times ahead.
Maresie
hey Maresie, may we ALL have quieter times ahead.....this year has been like riding one of those freaky machines at a carnival where you don't know if you are gonna come out of it alive, and you toss your lunch from all the stress....I'm sometimes hanging on to sanity by my fingernails.......but yea, I just keep saying that this too shall pass...thank God for unemployment because work has dried up....I was thinking perhapsmy HP wants me "off" for a while so I can work on the deeper layers of my trauma/pain/grief, et al......trusting in HP is hard at times, but when I know I am doing all I can to better myself, I HAVE to cast the burden
I am grateful that I can work (albeit 7 days a week which is terribkyhard)
Grateful that I have not had to.endurw an evacuation
I started to pay diwn my bill today. By Octobet i will have paid half of it
After that I di not know where I wl get the other half from.
Nevertheless that is halfway there
One step at a time I make progress.
Next week I begin doing some medical tests I need for routine purposes
Routine went out of the window in the oandemic.
Next year I will go back to the dental
I have to fit some surgery in there somewhere. i am not looking forward to that either.
Maresie
Hey David-yeah that was quite a while ago that we met, I dont even know how many years ago it was but I just trudge on and try to inch forward and progress in my recovery and I see you feeling better about your self as reflected in your posts. We are all growing together and it is good that we have each other to share with and to grow with and to support each other and kind of mutually sponsor Each other sort of. I dont know how many years I have been here with MIP but I am so grateful that I am here
And I am very grateful for the fellow travelers with whom I can share with and be safe with, I did not think that people could bond in an online group but that is wrong. I have formed quite a few bonds and I am grateful
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