The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading in C2C, the author shares that they sometimes don't know how to ask for help. And so, instead of asking for help in an Al-Anon meeting, the author sits quietly and listens. From the outside, maybe people think everything is fine because the author might look calm, when in reality, under the surface hurt and fear dominate. But by sitting and listening, HP works through others, who might share or express the very feelings the author is experiencing. In this way, the author begins to feel a little safer, secure in the knowledge that they are not alone.
Today's Reminder: One of the miracles I have found in Al-Anon is that help often comes when I most need it. When I can't bring myself to reach out for help, it sometimes comes to me. When I don't know what to say, I am given the words I require. And when I share what is in my heart, I may be giving a voice to someone who cannot find his own. Today I have a Higher Power who knows my needs.
Today's Quote: "As I walk, As I walk, The Universe is walking with me." - from the Navajo rain dance ceremony
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One of the things I like about the program is that each group is different, unique, and each meeting has the potential to help me think about things in a new and unexpected way. I think there is a special power in the gathering of people with different experiences, all living with the impact of the same disease. There is an understanding, and so often, while the situations are quite different, there is familiarity in the story and the emotions. Sometimes I don't know I'm struggling with something until someone else brings up the topic or shares how they are feeling about it.
Fall is in the air this morning, and I'm looking forward to the warm soups and stews fall brings. I'm especially thankful today for a fantastic crop of tomatoes that are canned and waiting in the basement for winter cooking. I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks Skorpi for your service and share. I find it interesting too, that although help often comes when needed, but it can also arrive from the most unexpected source. I try to ask for help when I need it. Sometimes when in my F2F meeting, I have said out loud at the end of my share: if anyone has any thoughts on this please let me know when our meeting is over. Program is truly a blessing.
Good morning, Skorpi, and thank you for this share.
One of my defects has always been a reluctance to ask for help. I thought it would make me look stupid, or that it would be an imposition on the person I was asking, and then that person might resent me. As I have worked and meditated on the steps, I realize that I was projecting my own inability to say "no" on other people. I thought if I asked someone for help, they would be just like me and not know how to decline, so they would say yes while really wanting to say no.
As I have learned to respect my own boundaries, I realize that other people are also capable of respecting their boundaries, and if they have to say no to me, it's not personal. And in fact, respecting those boundaries will most likely enable the friendship to continue.
I have more than once experienced that miracle of help arriving, without being asked, without my understanding that it was possible, when I most desperately needed it.
Lyne, I like your idea of asking people to share their thoughts with you after the meeting. I think in the Zoom meetings it's especially hard to have a one-on-one conversation, or the "meeting after the meeting" we can have when face to face. The chat feature in Zoom isn't quite the same. By gently suggesting that we are available for further discussion, it might encourage anyone who is afraid to ask for help. And at the same time avoids cross-talk. Great idea, and I just might try it.
Mahalo Skorpi for you service and Mahalo also for the input from the ladies that came after with their ESH. I am reminded very nicely how it was for me when I first got into program and took the risk of asking the ladies to input me and or to critique my input with their thoughts. It was miraculous because I never got a "no" from them while they shared honestly with me.
Thank you HP for this program and the love that has come from it.
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH & shares. I struggled at first with letting my guard down, being authentic and asking for help. I honestly didn't even know what I didn't know but do know that I just felt so darn defeated....Needless to say, as I began to speak my truth, and stay open and willing, slowly I felt less fear and less helpless.
I will admit I am a slow learner so asking for help was a slow lesson in my program. I had spent a lifetime running on self-will and self-reliance, so reaching out to others and a HP were foreign activities. I got slowly better at doing this by following suggestions of talking with another/others in recovery each day. I would call and 'check in' and over time, I would call and during my 'check in', I became willing to disclose that which baffled, annoyed or disappointed me.
I firmly believe that as we lean towards our program and practice what's suggested, more is revealed and more is gained. I too love that when I am in need, the answers come - often from a meeting but not always. I just practice remaining open to learn, grow and change.
Happy hump day all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When I came to this program I did not think I was worthy of help
Nevertheless I received it because people listened to me
Trusting that the program could help.me was a whole other matter
Trusting anyone was beyond my comprehension
Eventually I got on board with taking the suggestions and using the tools.
Then I.was even willing to have a sponsor
My sponsor(s) gave ne tremendous resources, responded with grace and tact and were available
These days I mosr certainly have my struggles. Recently i started therapy. ThT has been some help. I.have generally had an idea about therapy that was completely unrealistic at best
Asking for help was and still is for me a question of knowing what kind of help I can actually qualify for. I generally ask the wrong person(s) for help. Take the ex roommate. I do not now believe he is caoable of compassion. So why would I even expect a microbe of it from him
Expectations most certainly set me up
My own expectations of what I can and cannot do during a pandemic is another matter. I am moving forward with certain issues. Other issues i have to shelve for the time being.
I most certainky.found help.in al anon. I.also found maturity, realism and self regard.
Maresie
No one for sure knows what we are thinking, until we express ourselves.
Many many times now i have picked up some jewels and some gems from people who felt called to say something.
Sometimes it might be something I myself might say.
Seeking help came really hard for me. Growing up people around me were having a hard time with the disease.
And So I figured that a cry for help- which i saw often from adults- was hurtful and damaging.
I was a caring loving kid, really- and would not have wished that on my own worst enemy.
So the disease became my enemy really- in Alanon.
Sometimes, but not always I might talk about a hobby, or an interest. Pets... all sorts of stuff.
To take the heat out a situation- and lead to talk and discussions about things that mattered.
Communicating; making the connections... having and receiving empathy- on an equal footing- has taught me about boundaries- and about emotional intimacy, linked with healthy boundaries.
thank you Skorpi for the nice share!!!!!
I used to think I was just too messed up for the program in beginning till I found out that I, too, was no way alone....then I began to really open up as I saw others sharing similiar traumas, fears, grief, anger etc......even tho it saddens me that others went through hell like I did, at least i know that (and I used to believe this) God is not picking on me....I just was terribly unlucky to have been born of a 5 star sociopath and an alcoholic mom who , when realizing she married evil, saw the only escape was 80 proof numbness.....
