Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

Courage to Change - September 4

Geoff · Veteran Member

Thanks for this. It seems fitting for me today and I need to just work on me and not worry about things so much. I am trying to do this and I am sure t will be easier over time. I hope everyone has a great day! I know I will do my best to do the same.

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks FT for your service and great share. I cherish feeling calm and peaceful, but I was not doing well with it from about mid-July until just now. I had so many stressors all at once that I lost my serenity. I guess the interesting thing about this experience is that I knew I would regain it, and it was just a matter of time. I did rely on program for help, and I would have been much worse off without all my alanon people and tools. I still have a few of these stressors hanging around (damp ceiling, eye issue), but the worst is over. Grateful member.

JerryF · ~*Service Worker*~

Okay the program is set for today...Stressors know how and where and when to plant themselves in my mind and thoughts and memories and more. It was one of those nights where all of it and them paraded before me. Yes many of them are them that I love and much of them are very sick and bad memories of the past. It doesn't help that I was and am just a mile or so from where the program had to start in order that I would and could even have the memories of the disease in my life and the lives of others who took the journey with me. I am still amazed that many of the participants had the same names.

It is though staunch practice for Higher Power and me to work on inventorying my part in it and making amends for those parts. I wonder how "they" and she are doing today and pray that they are not near as sick as it once was. I have come to believe that the similarities of names is important for my Higher Power to keep me involved in recovery. Kinda, sorta grateful even though tiredness and headaches come with it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.(s) (((((MIP))))) smile

Yes this Bird of Paradise is just one of the beautiful memories. ((((HP))))

-- Edited by JerryF on Friday 4th of September 2020 09:59:33 AM

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

aww reading great shares helps with calmness, Freetime... smile .

I sometimes get a job well done- something complete and satisfying- but not always.

I always see it as a good sign of calmness and serenity, when I do... aww

Saturday.

I wrote the above yesterday- bit it "missed the post".

I am consciously trying to make "a little less noise" in this group.

At the same time i will extend my shares- and expect to deal to my emerging issues- when I need to. biggrin ...

I always say- never avoid not provoke a crisis. I think this is a sort of subset of the serenity prayer.

It is more about being gently assertive- when my poisonality was once absurdly passive-aggressive.

I like it that this group and forum is more like a stand-alone Alanon group- than maybe it was when started here.

Referring people on to a F2F group is a good option- but not possible for some people, for various reasons.

My dream, or goal was to be a good example of recovery. I was trying to steer clear of my own codependency.

It's early Saturday here. I rained a gentle rain overnight.

NZ had a covid fatality yesterday- for first in four months. But our country is still in a cocoon.

These days i am sleeping really well. And dreaming heaps. I usually sleep 10 hours a night. When I wake in the night I have learned to self-sooth- through breathing technique.

My therapist is a physiotherapist. A breathing and trauma expert.

I go once a month- and do lots of homework in between. The therapy costs me $20 a week, which I can afford.

I believe that a good share should contain random and spontaneous items.

In my early days I used to rehearse my share a lot. And the reactions and responses!

Impossible to plan ahead- of course... ...the was just the mindset. blankstare

The English prayer you quote, Freetime I use in my weekly meditation group.

My first sitting I just repeated: 'They're changing guard at Buckingham Palace; Christopher Robin went down with Alice..."

I am sure our higher power does not mind what we actually say- or think. I do believe sometimes that we impose far too many conditions on ourselves! biggrin

Thanks Jerry, Lyne and Geoff- for what you have added to the reading too. smile ...

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you FT for your service and the daily....thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I do believe I was one who was used to or possibly addicted to the chaos this disease brings. I truly felt if I didn't stress and worry and fix and control and ....... the world would fall apart. Well - I began recovery and slowly worked to change my focus and obsessions and the world did not fall apart and in time, the new normal became the preferred normal.

Today, I am willing to go to any length to stay as serene as possible. This does not mean life doesn't happen nor that I deny or don't 'feel' for it. It simply means that I have a set of tools that I can pick up and work hard to let go, trust my HP and truly accept that I am only able to affect positive change in my life for me. I am a big believer that being part of the solution as often as possible is the best example I can provide to my kids, my friends, my family, etc.

It is a miracle, brought about by a power far greater than I, that I am able today to think beyond my initial thoughts, find a way to respond vs. react and truly trust the God of my understanding to lead me out of any/every situation I find myself in that doesn't feel good. It doesn't matter what it is, I know today that I can pause long enough to pray and feel the 'company' of my HP.

I do recall being very uncomfortable with the extra time/mind space I acquired when I stopped fighting everything and everyone. I created a big list of healthy alternatives from walking to music to literature to gardening, and much more and each time my mind wondered to those I love affected by this disease, I would take action - often calling my sponsor first who would remind me of this great list of healthy alternatives. I found myself in an uncomfortable situation at the grocery store this week where another shopper was angry about masks, lines, spacing, etc. and I just had to walk away....I prayed for her as I did so - this pandemic is rough on EVERYONE!

I do not like how I feel when my serenity is slipping to the side. It is extremely uncomfortable today and I really will do whatever I can to keep it close and protected - it's my true ticket to pure and real joy. Love and light to all - we are worthy of all recovery offers - keep working it - it does work when we choose to! (((Hugs)))

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Freetime for your service, and to all of those who added their ESH above!

I was not addicted to the chaos. In fact, I hated it!! So much so, that it was one of the things I had to examine about myself in detail when I did my third 4th Step and was applying these answers to whether or not I wanted to stay in my marriage. I had to accept that relapse can and does happen. With relapse comes some form of chaos. I had to be brutally honest with myself here. I had to accept that in some people's eyes, I am "less than" b/c I cannot accept that in my life anymore. I had to accept that I could never be the "perfect" spouse/partner/ex-spouse.

I relish my alone time. I do not formally meditate, but I too, will "zone out" when doing projects that can be meditative in nature... gardening, art, even sometimes cleaning!! Even so, I at first had to make To Do Lists so that I could keep my mind/body busy so that I wouldn't dwell on the negative feelings in my head. It took awhile to get used to the quiet. It also took awhile for me to realize I no longer had to take up the mantle of "fixer."
Today I am grateful beyond measure for this!

&

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

My calm is from immense sadness No.matter how much I argue, jade, punish, protest there is no undoing the former roommates behavior Working on detachmment certainly helps. What it helps is to create a soace for immeblnse grief, regret and a huge loss from having so few boundaries I am immensely sad. Maresie

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene