The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading the author reflects on step 1: We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable.
Over the years, the author did a lot of thinking about step 1, and recently, began to do a lot of feeling about the step as well. The primary emotion the author shared was grief, grief about friends lost to the disease, grief over harm done to the author's family, friends, and the author themself, grief over lost love and lost lives, lost years and lost friendships.
Today's Reminder: I have suffered many losses as the result of alcoholism. Part of admitting the effects of this disease in my life is admitting my grief. By facing alcoholism's impact on my life, I begin to move out of its grip and into a life of great promise and hope.
Today's Quote: It's not easy to admit defeat and give in to that powerful foe, alcoholism. Yet this surrender is absolutely necessary if we are ever to have sane, happy lives again.
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Well, what I depressing reading for today, lol! I well remember the despair and pain, hurt, suffering, lack of hope, and grief I felt when I first came to Al-Anon. I had been systematically attempting to control my wife's alcoholism for years, and was at the end of what I could think of to try. I was living in emotional darkness and depression. Coming to Al-Anon, admitting that I am powerless over the disease, was the strongest step I made, and the one thing that worked. Slowly over time, I was able to untangle myself from many of the impacts of the disease by stopping trying to control it, and focusing instead on myself and what I was doing. It's funny looking back to my childhood now, how many things my mom said to us as kids that AL-Anon says in a different way. Every time I hear "keep the focus on myself and what I am doing (Al-Anon)" I hear "Never mind what s/he is doing. Just you worry about your own self and what you are doing (mom)" "A new 24 hours starts every minute. I can decide to make a change any time I want. (Al-Anon)" "Try it, if you don't like it or it doesn't work, try something else (mom)" I'm thankful to the program for providing a safe place for me to try out different approaches, find what fits me, and make continuous positive change.
I feel fall in the air, and in the temperature of the morning puppy walks! My tomatoes are close to done for the season, but I think I will have another round of canning to do this weekend. (the last round was salsa, so the next will likely be plain tomatoes.) We ended up with one white and one orange pumpkin as well, and some various squashes. Next year, I'll secure the green house better so I know what is growing where, and which varieties of squash I'm growing. (This year, the wind tipped my portable green house over, and whatever survived got planted. This was my first successful-ish year starting seeds myself, so I have no idea what plants look like as sprouts! )
I hope you make today a great day
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks Skorpi for your service and great share. Sounds like your mom was a wise person in some ways. Makes me think of keep your hands to yourself. And if you had siblings you might have heard he did it first.
Most of your share reminded me of my pre-alanon days with being in overdrive to control my A and ending up in such an unhappy place. Things are much better with program and I have a daily opportunity to practice all my tools! I plan to keep on keeping on....
Thank you Skorpi for your service today, and the great share about this topic.
Lyne - I heard that phrase myself, years and years ago!! LOL!
Right now, this is important in my life:
Today's Reminder: I have suffered many losses as the result of alcoholism. Part of admitting the effects of this disease in my life is admitting my grief. By facing alcoholism's impact on my life, I begin to move out of its grip and into a life of great promise and hope.
Happy Hump Day! Remember you all have the power within you to make this a wonderful day!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares/ESH. I also recall how broken I felt when I arrived at Al-Anon. As the fog began to clear, I had a really hard time accepting the grief that came about - in my 'worldly view', you only grieve with death/loss. Al-Anon gave me permission to feel whatever I was feeling and to process it so it would be less painful when it arises again - because it usually does/will. I know today that being gentle with me, feeling the feelings and processing them as best I can in a healthy way is the key to lessening them. I do believe that each time we are able to let go of a person, place, thing, event, memory - the more room we make in our minds/hearts for grace. I do try to choose joy today and it does lift me up. Love and light all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Alcoholism certainly swallowed me up whole every time. Incidents and issues from the past come up spontaneously
There is a lot if grief in relationships with an alcoholic. Most certanly there is no getting in the way of that avalance
I had 4 months of a roommate situation this year. The cost emotionally was high. I spend a lot of time making my apartment comfortable after that. I will be working on that creating comfort all year
My.toletance for disaster delrivation and discord has diminished
My neditation teachet calls the way I lived with the alcoholic roommate poverty mentality. The gas lighting was immense vitually non stop.
I can put my finget on and label certain issues and hooks now
One thing that came uo.for me was a real healthy respect for boundaries
I do my level best this year to keep out of the way of known alcoholics now. My tolerance was immense enmeshed and a most definite pattern of entrenchment
Maresie
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... thanks Skorpi...
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