The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author learned about trust and worthiness from her first Al-Anon sponsor. She learned she could trust her sponsor to be gentle, and also to say what needed to be said. The sponsor helped her overcome her self-doubt.
When our author was in despair of ever feeling better, the sponsor pointed out that she was willing to do the work -- and that meant she would be OK. Taking a chance and trusting someone, the author learned she was worth saving.
Today's Reminder: Learning to value myself can begin by having the courage to fund, and use, a sponsor.
Quote from Reinhold Niebuhr: "Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love."
---------------
Like today's author, I was so desperate that I was willing to do whatever Al-Anon suggested, including getting a sponsor and working the steps. Not too long after starting in Al-Anon, I found the perfect sponsor for me -- someone who was in a very similar situation to mine, was deeply involved in her own program, and was willing to spend time with me as I began working the steps. I remember the night I somewhat nervously asked her to be my sponsor. She explained that in Al-Anon we consider it an honor to be asked. It still amazes me that she was willing to take time out of her life, meet me, listen to my steps, and share wisdom with me. She really saved my sanity. As life happens, she has moved on and I'm not in touch with her, but the fact she was there, the right person at the right time, is a miracle.
I haven't heard from my sponsee in a while either, but that is OK. I know she has progressed a lot, that I was there for her in a tough time, and that she is making positive changes in her life. It is an honor to have been even a brief part in that.
The idea of sponsorship for me right now is multi-faceted, rather than being just one person. At the moment, I don't have a sponsor in the traditional sense of one person that I go to. However, there are several people in the program that I know I can go to if needed, and when I do, I always get out of it much more than I expected. Through service, I have met even more people, and I feel I have a wealth of contacts that would be supportive with Al-Anon principles if I am struggling with any life issue. I also offer my phone number to newcomers at meetings.
Thank you FT for your service and share. Of course having Betty for my sponsor was an eye-opening, mind-bending, and completely growth producing experience. I'm not able to imagine having a new sponsor. Betty had lost her husband to alcohol and son to drugs--she was such an amazing role model for me, how she overcame life's rotten tragedies and turned them into something positive by helping others.
I too have program people I rely on for help when needed, plus our board, and I have one program friend with whom we text each other every morning. I think I may want to do the steps again at some point, and I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I had a sponsee briefly who disappeared from wanting the experience. I do see her at the zoom F2F and we occassionally text. Betty taught me to carry my QTIP (quit taking it personally) so I think this young person is just not ready for the experience. If she wants to try I am here, and if she chooses someone else, that's OK too. This is Betty at work. I think I have a good attitude about this and she taught me how to handle things. RIP and God bless her.
Thank you FT for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your ESH & shares. My Al-Anon sponsor is actually also my AA sponsor - she's responsible for me getting 'here'. When I reflect, I chuckle as she would listen to me freak out about my qualifiers and fret and despair and whine and ..... and she NEVER showed frustration, exhaustion, lack of patience, etc. for my insanity. I do believe she had every right to 'be' yet she consistently and continuously loved me until I could love myself.
I am 100% who I am, where I am and what I am because of her sponsorship. Our program is huge on attraction vs. promotion as well as ESH vs. advice. She's been an outstanding model for me as she's continued to walk the walk always and never just talk the talk. Each time I faced a perceived crisis, she was able to just share suggestions and ESH to bring me back to 'earth'.
Her example is the model I use when I sponsor others. I take special care to never advise and always suggest. I do believe and trust that we're all gifted with a brain that can process when prompted to heal. My sponsees are not given tasks or assignments, rather they get to select how they want to work their program. I have some who've never worked the steps (yet), attend tons of meetings and have peace for now. I have others who have wanted to tackle the steps diligently and attend fewer meetings and love doing service. There's no perfect way to work recovery, there's no perfect way to sponsor and there's no perfect path to serenity.
Without fail, those who want all that recovery can offer arrive at the next phase of program recovery when they are ready to do so. I love working with others, as I learn more about me, more about the vast tools we have available and more about unconditional love and acceptance. I am grateful each day for this program, as designed and the continuous gift of humility and grace I've received. I still pray each morning for my HP to lead me where I need to be/go and have never been disappointed.
(((Hugs))) to all - hope your Friday has been good. I golfed this morning, then picked up my curbside grocery order, then cooked dinner for a program friend & husband as she recovers from surgery. I talked with 3 sponsees and also with my sponsor - it's been a good day. My sponsor also tells me to make sure I am content with the last words I've spoken to others, so sent my relapsing son a text message telling him he was on my mind and that I loved him. I may/may not get a response and that's OK. Love and light all - plan to chill for the rest of the eve...
-- Edited by Iamhere on Friday 28th of August 2020 05:10:17 PM
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I saw my former sponsor three times on Saturday- I had been away on holiday for eight days.
I got off the plane and walked into the airport and she was just sitting there. We had a chat. She was waiting for her grand-daughter. My car was 3 km away and she offered me a ride. Then I met her in the Mall- and we had another chat. We are just friends now but the bond is still there.
I have been having visits from a member who might need a sponsor. I would not rush into it- but would be amenable. I like reading the reflections 2HP has been pinning up here. Lots of insight.
I am all for a healthy robust Alanon. And I see good examples of this here.
