The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
From the beginning, I was told that "the instructions" for recovery were in the Twelve steps. Sometimes (and especially when nothing feels like its working anymore) I like to re-read the instructions. Many of us are facing challenges this year, and I thought a discussion on the instructions could be helpful.
Please join in with personal thoughts and ESH on Step One. The information posted is conference approved literature (Reaching for Personal Freedom.) Feel free to answer the questions below, or share how Step One works for you, or any other thoughts.
STEP ONE: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
For those affected by the disease of alcoholism, Step One can be a daunting task. Because our thinking is often distorted, we can fall prey to the illusion of control. In trying to control the alcoholics drinking and behavior, our own lives become unmanageable.
When we admit our powerlessness, it does not mean we are helpless. In accepting the reality of our situation, we begin to realize what we can and cannot change. Through this acceptance, we gain personal power and freedom.
My life was unmanageable
The writer describes how she was drowning in a sea of craziness, hurt and hopelessness - yet still struggled accepting the idea of her powerlessness. She now admits that (looking back) her behavior was a great example of how non-alcoholic behavior can be MORE insane than alcoholic behavior. She now sees how the alcoholic was intoxicated on alcohol, while she was intoxicated on delusions of power and control, if only she could "just find the right combination of tricks."
Working through Step One and listening to longtime members, she came to understand she could only change herself.
Life became unmanageable because she was trying to manage the alcoholics life, paying all the bills, making excuses, bailing him out of jail believing this would be the last time, pouring out liquor, shaming and blaming him, etc. etc.
Today when she wakes, she now prays, To the god of my understanding, thank you for this new day, all power is yours, lead me.
She focuses on breathing rather than reacting to alcoholic insanity. She no long tries to manage anything or anyone. Because her sponsor and group believe in the program, and help her walk through it, she no longer feels hopeless and afraid.
Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness?
How do the effects of the disease of alcoholism make my life unmanageable?
What keeps me holding onto the illusion that I have the power to change someone else?
My sponsor passed along the wisdom of those who came before her. She taught me to NEVER come out of Step One, to not "go back" but to wake up at the beginning of every single day at the beginning of the 12 steps, even before opening my eyes. To remember it as the spiritual foundation for my entire day (the first 3 steps actually.)
I was taught to use the steps as a way of life because "using" them is what "causes" the beneficial changes in us.
I find Step One useful for all the little annoyances of life such as traffic, and long lines, even wearing a mask all day. That although I may not understand why it has to be this way, I trust there is a higher power controlling this highly organized universe without any of my help, and is also managing "this." I don't need to understand it - as much as I need to trust it.
When the big things of life occur, how often I want to wrestle with the idea of powerlessness, to try to take control again, as if to say, God let me take the wheel with the important stuff...
I always know when I need to take this step when feeling myself struggling or resisting, feeling attached to my likes and dislikes, attached to the idea of friend and foe (me vs. them) or a desire to label good and bad.
Some days, its stronger than other days.. powerless over my brain doing its thing. Thanks to Al-anon, this step is available for me to use again and again. providing me with relief as I let go of resistance, no longer trying to row upstream. I can enjoy the ride with detachment
... attachment is what causes the suffering.
If I can do something about my situation, I was told to definitely get off my duff and do it. But if its NOT something I can actually control, if it has nothing to do with ME or my side of the street, I need to take this step, take a deep breath and let go.
My first experience of letting go in recovery was the use of a God Box. My sponsor told me to write down everything I was powerless over, including all my fears, his drinking, our marriage, the whole mess.. and set it all inside the God Box as my gesture of placing it in HP's hands.
That was many years ago but I can still remember sleeping so deeply that night like God was just waiting all along, to give me this relief.
-- Edited by 2HP on Friday 28th of August 2020 09:15:36 AM
@David, my topic is Step One but it is true my sponsor helped me understand. That experience with her is sponsor school, and a gift that did not end with me. To keep it, we give it away.
Our home group has the practice of sharing on Step One whenever a newcomer shows up. whatever planned topic we have is automatically scrapped as part of Tradition five and just being present to the higher power.... who just walked into the room.
I have noticed a surge in newcomers to this site, looking for support like I did many years ago. since our program of twelve steps is the ultimate "tool kit," I thought it appropriate to start at the very beginning, as my group does. I will continue this thread since Step One is the foundation and bedrock of recovery. very well aware that anyone lurking today, or in the future, will benefit.
In that spirit, everyone is welcome to join in the "thunder" of sharing their powerful experience, strength, and hope of recovery.
2HP, I've been meaning to thank you for this post and just say that when I have a bit more time I'll come back and share my thoughts on the questions. I love what your home group does, going to Step One whenever there is a newcomer. I love going back to basics with the steps. Thank you, and I'll be back.
Thank you 2HP for this thread! I am in agreement, I also like how your home group works when a "newbie" comes in to your meetings.
Even though I do not have active addiction in my life anymore, I still begin my day by acknowledging that I am powerless over others. How they act, feel, respond. I then ask my HP to help me be the best person I can be. To be kind, generous of spirit, and patient!
It seems to set my day off right!
Enjoy the weekend, MIP Fam! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Some of my F2F meetings include book studies in the monthly schedule. We pass one of Al-anon's books around the circle and every member reads a paragraph. we always leave time for sharing...
Paths to Recovery B-24
Step One
Most of us find our way to Al-anon because we are in some sort of crisis or pain that forces us to seek help. Although we may not have labeled our lives "unmanageable," we do come looking for relief.
Once we acknowledge someone's drinking has affected our lives, we may want to blame everything on the drinking. We feel there must still be something more we could say or do that will convince the A to stop drinking, thus resolving our problems.
We have no idea that we are as powerless over the alcohol as the alcoholic is.
We try to take matters into our own hands (pouring out liquor, making excuses, nagging, pleading, protecting or punishing...)
We may have hidden our feelings, began isolating... thinking our problems would go away. No matter what we did, our lives did not improve. The alcoholic did not change.
In order to take the First Step and admit our personal powerlessness over alcoholism, we need first to understand and accept it is a disease which can be arrested but not cured
alcoholism is a lifetime disease.
One symptom is an uncontrollable desire to drink; as long as an A continue to drink, that desire will increase. Some alcoholics try to drink only on weekends or abstain for a limited time. The compulsion to drink usually returns. The only way to arrest the disease is total abstinence.
We cannot force someone to stop drinking, this must be an individual choice of the A.
Alcoholism is a family disease. the alcoholism of one member affects the whole family and all become sick. Why? Because its not just a disease of the body but of relationships as well. The people involved react to the alcoholics behavior. They try to control it, make up for it, or hide it. They often blame themselves for it, and are hurt by it. Eventually they become emotionally disturbed themselves.
The three Cs is a slogan that comes from this step - we are powerless over alcoholism. We did not cause it, can't cure it, can't control it.
The basic premise of Al-anon is taking focus off the alcoholic and keeping it on ourselves.
This brings relief from the impossible responsibilities we thought were ours, trying to fix a disease (and someone elses at that.)
To find peace and serenity, we have to change. a challenging and perhaps fearful thought.
We have to re-learn how to take care of ourselves. When focused on another, many of us put that persons needs first. We may suffer from low self-esteem and believe we don't deserve taking time for ourselves. Whether we judge ourselves as good or bad does not matter, we are always defeated by alcoholism. But in Al-anon, we find help.
Admitting powerlessness may be difficult. How can it be that we, the responsible ones, are powerless??
We come to understand our lives may be unmanageable because we are trying to control the people and situations in our lives.
We have to admit that nothing we do or dont do can control another person's drinking.
How can we help an alcoholic?
We learn to accept the things we cannot change (the alcoholic) and change the things we can (ourselves.)
To recover, we learn to keep focus on ourselves.
Gradually, as we begin to look back on our lives, we are asked to acknowledge our powerlessness over alcohol and over the alcoholic - - and over every person and event we had sought to control by our own willpower.
By letting go of the illusion of control over other people and their actions, we find an enormous burden is lifted. We begin to discover freedom and power that we do possess the power to define and live our own lives.
Unmanageability lessens. We begin to see the path to our own recovery - instead of others.
Step one reminds us of our proper relationship with others we are powerlss over them. It places us in correct relationship with ourself. When we try to control others, we lose the abilty to manage our own lives. Step one is the true beginning of our path to recovery.
"When we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."
Powerful. Thank you, 2HP.
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I keep in mind that this, our program is a program of progression. I have and will never ever get it perfect so the solutions for that is I keep coming back, listen with an open mind, get the literature and a sponsor and review often all of the suggestions I hear the old timers mention and then....practice, practice, practice asking my HP to "Place me where YOU WANT ME...TELL ME WHAT TO DO" (((((Hugs)))))
-- Edited by JerryF on Monday 31st of August 2020 12:18:10 PM
Once we accepted these facts (powerlessness over another persons drinking, and the unmanageability of our own life) we discovered an important and inspiring secret -
How to free OURSELVES from frustration and confusion.
When our eyes, ears, and hearts were opened, we were free from our own rigid determination to have things the way WE wanted them to be.
we began to grow.
We especially began growing when we overcame the impulse to criticize
or to blame, reminding ourselves this will probably only make matters worse for ourselves.
The feelings of release, of yielding or letting go (when we acknowledged that no change in others could be forced) helped us to loosen the suffocating grip of our own destructive emotions - (guilt, fear, self-pity, and resentment.)
We found a new feeling - Relaxation. as though a weight had been lifted from us. we began to live the slogans
Live and Let Live.
Let go and Let God.
Freed from our obsession with another person, we were now free to focus attention on ourselves. We looked at how our lives had become unmanageable.
How could we change our negative attitudes?
How could we change ourselves for the better?
How and where could we get the help we need?
By taking the twelve suggested steps toward recovery. beginning with the cornerstone of them all:
Step One.
Order came out of chaos. It became easier to accept the idea we could take charge of ourselves. Each time we detached
like God was just waiting all along, to give me this relief.
I am letting this one sink in, 2HP.
& 
2HP... our original group here always turned to Step One when a newcomer came along. 