The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses the first 3 steps in our program. The writer was disappointed when the first meeting attended did not give out a 'do/don't list' on how to change the alcoholic. Instead, the 12 Steps were provided. Desperate for change, she opted to give the steps a try.
By the second meeting, she felt she understood and embraced the first 3 steps - accepted powerless, believed in God and willing to dump problems on anyone who would take them. Over time, she realized she had skipped the part about letting go and letting God - she kept tying to control everything and everyone.
Over time, she realized how necessary it is to turn our will AND our lives over the the care of God as we understand God and progress, not perfection is the goal.
Reminder: When I was dealing with alcoholism without the help of Al-Anon, I developed coping skills. These are no longer enough. Al-Anon is teaching me a new and better set of skills. I will try to be patient with myself. I'm doing fine.
Quote: "As long as you live, keep learning how to live." from Seneca
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I am one who started my Al-Anon recovery journey fully intending on find the answers on how to cure, change, fix my alcoholics. I was truly put-off when instead I discovered this program is about fixing/curing me. I actually took some offense to being told I was affected by the disease, to the point of insanity at times and unhealthy ways of coping.
What I did not see or realize until I worked this program and did the steps with pure honesty and no hidden agendas is that I was truly running on self-will and ego. I not only thought my way was the right/best way, I really wanted things my way - always. As the disease progressed around me, I became obsessed with my will and my way/wants, and actively participated in the insanity through my own actions, thoughts, attitudes, reactions, etc.
As I embraced the steps and began to practice what was suggested, I became better at letting go and letting God. I still run into life situations where my will is just below the surface, scratching to rise up. Yet I know now that when I return to imposing my will and my wants all around me, it doesn't feel good/right and typically provides a very short-term 'feels good'.
I prefer to live one day at a time, beginning each day in communion with my HP, offering my will and life up, asking for guidance to go about my day. When I begin to drift left/right of my center, I pause and pray before I proceed. It works really well for me so long as I choose a recovery tool vs. a past tool. I am grateful that we seek progress and not perfection and that I can use any/all tools as I need for my life.
Happy Thursday all - make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH for your service and great share. I also came to alanon to fix my A, I was unable to see that I was a wreck, and I expected to get the fixing tips at my first meeting. NOPE! But as I've said before, I saw people like myself in pain at my first F2F, but I also saw others with serentity and hope and contentment. I certainly wanted some of that, so I kept coming back.
Life has not been easy with covid and my A not at work, canceling our summer vacation, health problems, house issues, etc., but I do have serenity, hope, and happiness much of the time. I also turn my will and my life over to HP daily. I was unable to manage on my own. I accept and re-work Steps 1,2,3.
Hey good morning thought I would reach out again and say good morning to you all as well. I just joined the other day and the response has been so wonderful. I am glad I am here and I do need to work on myself in order to help my SO before I loose our life together. It's not easy but nothing worth doing is. I offered her to go gout with her group tomorrow if she wanted to and I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is a big step for me getting over my insecurities with the opposite sex and my A. I have to change and that's a step. So have a great day.
Great page, thank you IAH for your service, thanks all above for ESH.
What an incredible, eventually life changing surprise this program has turned out to be for me.
For me, AlAnon is not like Amazon Prime where I pick out what I want and it is delivered to my doorstep. It is more like a gym membership where the level of benefit is determined by my consistent, thorough use of the tools not just the card I carry, monthly bill I receive, or by sitting out in the parking lot.
The first three each serve an irreplaceable foundation of the program upon which my serenity depends.
Grateful for the wisdom and reminders of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
