The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have my first appointment with the lawyers assistant, a financials appointment, next Thursday. My AH has contacted journey pure and said they cant see him till late next week. He even did a couple things around the house, was shocked. I express how happy I am that he reached out and has an appointment set up, I find myself having second thoughts about the divorce. But it's not because of his efforts, while I'm happy he's showing initiatives I am not happy with him.the damage has been done. I find myself having second thoughts about leaving the house I have put so much time, creativity, and maintained pretty much on my own.
He said he wants the house too, but I dont want a stranger having the family home. I want to fight for my home, my first home ever being a military brat moving all the time. I keep thinking I will leave and let him have it, I will be the bigger person. But when looking for a place that needs to meet the criteria for my special needs dog and my budget, it's hard and I look around my home and dont want to leave. But I dont want things to get ugly either.
Any advice to on getting past this?
Second thoughts may do much better with the second step applied. Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I also have a direct prayer to my HP that helps during these situations, "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do". Then I listen long and open minded. ((((hugs))))
The one thing my sponsor always told me, "You always have choices... just some you might not like. Unless you are in danger nothing has to be done RIGHT NOW. so don't make snap judgments/emotional decisions. Be smart."
Pause, ask for guidance from your HP... then think about what the lawyer will tell you. There are a lot of factors that will impact a divorced woman and not a man (crappy I know). I found out some things after the fact - like how my credit score dropped 50 points as soon as the divorce was public/filed. Today, this can affect getting a new place.
All I am saying is go onto your new path in life with eyes wide open.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Dear Kokopelli, you appear to be in doubt. Al-anon has a perfect slogan for that
When in doubt - Don't.
there is another suggestion for newcomers that I did not like when I heard it but grateful I did it - To wait one year before making any life-changing decisions.
they told me one of the hardest things about recovery would be waiting, and they were right. our natural tendency is urgency, especially once it hits us over the head our loved one is alcoholic. we want to rush into quick feel-good solutions but often those are only temporary solutions or just flat-out mistakes.
so they gave me an acronym for WAIT -- why am I talking? when I could learn so much more by listening and absorbing and receiving wisdom... before I go active again. a year later when I did go active, it was with great knowing. I knew what I had to do and I did it peacefully and calmly.
My sponsor explained that "the year for waiting" was not meant to be passive but actively working at the steps with her, generally one step a month. by the end of leaning on that wisdom, I would no longer be the same person making the same mistakes, causing myself or others more suffering. I learned quickly that this was a program of self-restraint, a real transition out of self-will into higher wisdom that would serve me better.
This site is just a message board to share how al-anon suggestions are being used in our personal lives, and the degree to which we are benefitting from using those suggestions.
I hope you are leaning on your sponsor because mine was enormously helpful when I walked in your shoes, eternally grateful for how I conducted myself. if you do not yet have a sponsor, I hope you contact your local al-anon office and ask how they can help you, they will be eager to do it. Give yourself the best. and expect miracles.
When I left my.qualifier I had similar feelings. I had put so much work into the duplex we rented.
I.also haf dogs. In the end I had to take the dogs and the cats.
I cannot answer you.with what is best for you. The qualifier had to leave the aoartment too. He quickly went into crisis.
I have to say it has taken me years to rebuild. Years of hardship
I put a lot of effort into our home. The qualifiet did not. He really did very little.
In fact he made everything literally every single thing so much harder
I had to cut my losses and move on. I have to say it was wrenching and very difficult to.do.
This tine in history is also very difficult to negotiate. You have a lot on your plate
Leaving a relationship.is hard. Leaving a home is very very painful
Maresie
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