The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading the author reflects on a piece of their reality that they didn't want to see: that they could not trust someone they loved. Every time their loved one made a promise, the author would trust them wholeheartedly, and be crushed when the promise was broken. But then, the author would put the incident out of their mind and trust wholeheartedly the next promise. The author was refusing to see the reality that their loved one was not trustworthy. Through work in the program, the author began to trust their experiences more than the inconsistent words of others. While not depending on someone who is not trustworthy, the author is also learning that there ARE people who are trustworthy, and they do not need to give up on the entire human race. Thanks to Al-Anon, the author has experienced that there ARE people who are trustworthy.
Today's Reminder: Today' I make a commitment to be honest with myself. By facing reality, I become someone I can depend upon.
Today's Quote: "Awareness is so much better for me than closing out all feelings, shutting out people, withdrawing from living. No matter how hard the truth is or what the facts are, I prefer to know, look at, and accept this day." As we Understood....
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Wow, today's reading really rings true for me. I have learned over and over through my experiences that I cannot trust my wife to follow through on her word. I was thinking about that as I typed this up, and reflecting that she herself doesn't seem to be aware of the lack of follow-through she has, but then I remembered this - Don't Even Know I Am Lying (DENIAL) - and it made me smile. Just because I cannot trust her to follow through on her word doesn't mean that I need to call her out on it or not trust her - I just need to keep my expectations in check and not be disappointed when she does what she does. Somehow that's a bit harder to remember during a pandemic when we are both working from home and neither of us leaves the house! AT least today I can smile about it, and carry on with my day.
Today we are off to the woods for a blissful week of being unplugged and away from screens. I'm looking forward to it!
I hope you make today a great day
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks for your service and share Skorpi. The reading is just what I need this morning and your story is similar to mine. Im not in denial though; I know my A lies and I should not ever forget this. I find myself hurt again, as her promise to me to stay away from drinking buddies (worked out in a therapy session with an alcohol counselor), has been broken all this time. So I feel hurt today as I just discovered this news. However whats different on my end, is that in some short amount of time, using all my strength and many of my tools, I will be FINE. Its nothing new, and I will recall the suggestion of my wise sponsor, have no expectations.
Thank you Skorpi for your service, and for both of your shares!
I think it was a huge turning point in my marriage (even though I stayed years after), when I realized that I could not depend on my spouse to have my back & to be honest with me. If you take the emotionality/uncertainty of having an addicted person as a spouse out of it, it was the biggest reason I did not give a third chance for the marriage...I was honest with myself and accepted that I would not choose someone who repeatedly lied to me as a partner today.
Happy Hump Day, MIP! Enjoy the woods, Skorpi... I am envious! &
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you, Skorpi, and I hope you have a blissful screen-less week.
Not being able to trust someone I loved -- wow wow wow, that describes my rock bottom that led me to Al-Anon. I could no longer ignore or deny the reality that alcoholism was in my family.
Today, I understand what was really happening and that it was not personal. My loved one did not want to hurt me, and I believe he really valued honesty and fairness. But his disease eventually took over and crowded out his personal values. And I had to become able to trust myself, trust that I would and could take care of myself, and trust that it was OK do to so.
And that reminder -- "By facing reality, I become someone I can depend upon." I like to say that reality is over-rated -- but I can accept reality as part of my tool box.
Al-Anon literature is so amazing. I learn something new from it all the time.
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I also thank all for your shares and ESH. I too was brought to my knees and also to Al-Anon by the realization of how the disease sucked the value set/person out of my loved ones. It took me a while of reading/hearing it was not personal and accepting the disease as it is.
Acceptance of reality, and of all others exactly as they are + tweaking my (extremely high) expectation of self and others truly helped me in so many ways. I really had a fairy-tale idea of what love, marriage, family - even friendship should be. I also applied my value set to others, and judged accordingly - me and them! It was exhausting and extremely unhealthy. The best gift I have from recovery is the ability to make better choices for me, one day at a time. 'This' across the board really helps me stay close to the center vs. expectations/disappointment extremes - how it was before.
Today, I do a bit better because I practice this program. In spite of not being able to trust those I love, I can still love them unconditionally - I just ensure I have a Plan B. I have a great group of close program friends and we always discuss 'these things'. It's a gift to have close program friends who really do understand and help me when I am off-center.
Happy Wednesday all - hope your day has been good! Have a great time Skorpi - enjoy your unplugged time....well deserved!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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