There is a side to me- my dark side; my shadow side.

If I was a newcomer I would have a sponsor, or a beginners group to start to deal with this.

Through lock-down I have attended a number of zoom meetings- in different places- and got a sense of perspective.

I am no longer bright eyed and bushy tailed- a newcomer.

We used to say "long-timer" rather than "old-timer". I don't mind either term.  ...

I needed a ramble here. A balance between giving out and taking in. I need it for myself.

Counting my blessings.

I suffered from chronic pain. Migraine. I am moving away from this affliction. I also used to self-sabotage a fair bit. Losing keys, and cash card being the main thing. Leading to panic attacks.

Underlining this- and offering gratitude, for me is a part of the healing process.

I have a therapist at the moment. A physio. As I type out this latter word, the word 'Psychic' keeps popping up. But no- it is not a psychic!

I have been in a breathing journey. If I wake at night now I can self-sooth by breathing through the nose. I have been dreaming strong evocative dreams. I find this to be really healing- and it gives me hope.

I used to have serious issues with my water works. The outcome of childhood poverty and neglect.

I am managing to manage this fairly well. It is psycho-somatic, rather than a purely medical issue. I had to just hunker down and deal with it. Just change my habits.

I am deeply into C-PTSD. Have read all the books. Planning to attend a two day course on it. Delayed to November- with a tutor from Berkeley California. Not to heal or deal with others at all. Simply to apply to myself.

But stemming from this- my dream is to demonstrate what recovery can achieve. With pride. I think that this idea gives me a good balance.

My relationship is going well. This is a terrific asset. To have a friend and companion at our age. I think of the goal set- long ago- I picked up from the old AA Big Book- emotional sobriety.

My thinking is clear. I can read books now!

On Tv I prefer to sit down and watch a good show- a movie.

Clutter and trivia I have so little tolerance for.

At a meeting share I would summarise all of this. Sort of show-case progress to date.

The clutter in my world- my den. My garage and back yard is manageable now.

I don't need to be perfect.

I can throw things into a corner- to deal with later. This is healthy.

Looking forward to Step 11. In one hour I am going to a local meditation group.

There is a bit of chat and social time afterwards... which is also healing.

I do have a network of support in my community. Ties to a few groups.

Early Thursday morning I am off to the North Island. To spend a weekend with son, d.i.l and grand-daughter.

I am so looking forward to this!

 THanks,  ...