The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, August 17, reflects upon what a painful experience the first alanon meeting can be. The writer says that we might have had whirling thoughts, fear, uncertainty, and questions about if this was a good choice. Am I a disgrace, and what if the A finds out? And that is the importance of anonymity.
Tradition 12: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I recall my first F2F meeting as though it happened yesterday. I was filled with anxiety. I promised my sponsor I would go. I arrived about 10 min. early and parked in an adjacent parking lot. I called my son. He said he was proud of me for trying alanon, and he encouraged me. I was able to walk through the door. Although I did not understand what was going on, I managed to share my reason for being there. I also saw some members in pain like myself, but others had a certain something (peace? serenity?) that I knew I wanted. That became my home group.
One of my specific fears was that I would know someone in the meeting, and then what would I do? I was a professional in my community and needed privacy. I was relieved that no one I knew attended, and I also learned about anonymity. It was comforting to know that at least there was an expectation of not gossiping nor revealing matters about others.
BTW, did Betty write tradition 12? It sounds awfully familiar!
I think my responses were opposite- at my first meeting. I was gad to have gotten there. A small town [then] that I grew up in. I did not park round the corner, or down the road. People in town could see who was parked outside the rooms. Not that anyone would be interested or concerned, really.
At the same time i respect the anonymity of others especially. Not to an absurd degree. But sensible and being in a trusted position. [By this I say- in the rooms- we might ask after another member- like "how is Liz?' And get an answer. But any detail after that we would ask Liz.]
Healthy boundaries. Removing barriers and creating healthy boundaries. ...
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your ESH and shares. I also recall my first meeting....I was an eye-rolling angry woman looking for answers to stop this disease in those I love. Well - we know how those expectations turned out - SNAP - Significantly Not As Planned!!
I returned to my home, the battlefield and continued with my will and my ways. I was not successful and returned to a different meeting, with way less anger, much more defeat and willing to listen.
I too found hope in the serenity/peace others seemed to have after working for it. I already knew about anonymity as I'd been a member of the other side and knew not to ask about others, gossip about others, share what's shared in/out of meetings, etc. I had a lovely conversation with another member how to handle when others asked about my A(S). She simply suggested I answer with another question, "Why don't you call them up and ask?" I had been the primary communicator beyond our family and desperately wanted to resign from this position as it made it tough to stay on my side of the street. Al-Anon helped me understand that it's not my job to give or get information on another - it's my job to seek it out if desired directly. I am a very private person and do not like when my business is shared beyond my circle - those I share with understand and have similar boundaries.
Over time, I have run into folks I know in the rooms from outside the rooms. I will always do whatever I can to give comfort and talk about anonymity to them. All meetings should be safe for all people at all times. "How are you?" is about as extensive as I inquire of others in recovery. I am also a big believer in, "How can I be of service?" Safe concerning thoughtful questions which are respectful of boundaries, mine and others.
I spent the best part of this day volunteering at the local golf course. I had my first experience of 3 white people who did not want to be 'put' with a man of color. I managed it as best I could, but it made my heart really, really sad. I am still processing this and praying for my area, our country and all who are affected by racism. Love and light MIP, love and light!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
