The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In Al-Anon, today's author discovered that they had choices -- that if they felt uncomfortable with something, they could try to discover their true feelings before making a decision. Also, with things that truly have to be done but we don't want to, we have to feel our feelings and then do the thing anyway.
The suggestion to do two things every day that we don't want to do -- just for practice -- helps to create self-discipline so we can have a more balanced life. We can feel our feelings without being tyrannized by them.
Today's reminder: Today I will do something that is good for me, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Quote: "Self-discipline is self-caring." -- M. Scott Peck.
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I do not like the idea of getting out of my comfort zone -- and yet, I have become better at it. It really helps me to have the choice of when I am going to do the uncomfortable thing. I also look ahead to the reward I will have when the uncomfortable act is finished: the relief, the accomplishment, whatever it may be. Sometimes I offer myself a more tangible reward. Confession: I eat chocolate while doing my taxes.
Working the steps, along with the passage of time, has made some uncomfortable tasks easier to manage.
The other day I got a phone call from a relative who used to make me feel very stressed -- or rather, I would make myself stressed whenever dealing with her, and it would affect me for a long time. I have worked my fourth step and made living amends, so now I have a different approach and a different feeling when she calls. I feel mastery, rather than victimhood.
I let the call go to voice mail. I listen to the message, and then if it is not urgent (it never is), I decide to wait and call back when I am ready. I may wait a day, or two, or more. This time I was quite busy, so I waited five days, and then called back. We had a very nice conversation, I was able to help her with something she was asking about, and after the call was over, I felt good. And not just good because it was over, but because this relative and I actually have some things in common, and it is good to talk about shared experiences.
This change in my feelings about this relative was not quick. It has taken several years. But the change is dramatic. My comfort zone has gotten bigger.
-- Edited by Freetime on Saturday 15th of August 2020 09:43:07 AM
Thanks for your service and helpful share FT. What I try to do with the things I don't want to do, is do them in the morning. Scheduling doctor's appts., dealing with Sears now about a washer and dryer issue, etc. It helps me to get them out of the way, rather than carry the dread all day or many days. And hey, chocolate and taxes sound like a plan!
Thank you Freetime for your service and Jerry and Lyne for your ESH.
I remember when I first realized I had choices!
Heavy fires here today. The air quality is terrible, with over 100 degrees temps! If you look outside, it looks like a warzone. Wish I could stay in today... at least my work is air-conditioned!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Friday all - thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. I am grateful that I learned about choices in recovery...My battle against this disease in others I love had me feel I was stuck and often backed into a corner. My distorted thinking suggested I only had 2 choices - stay/go, fight/flight, black/white and I have since learned so much more about me and healthy decision making. For me, my black/white way of seeing things, including choices was painful and a difficult place to be/live. Knowing now that I will be OK no matter what choice I make, and trusting my recovery and this process really helps greatly.
I used to also do all that needed to be done in the morning. My mind seems sharper and I can focus much better. As it happens, I've chosen to change things up a bit so I can golf when it's not so hot. I may/may not be more productive, yet it's still OK. I figure that I spent a majority of my years so focused on 'adulting' that adding tons of fun now isn't all wrong. I will always struggle with balance, and I'm better now than before.
Prayers to you and all affected by the fires PnP - it can't be easy, esp. with the pandemic. Stay safe and know you and all are in my thoughts/prayers. Love and light all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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