The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I am feeling trapped or unhappy with my circumstances, today's reading accurately predicts my tendency to seek change in people and things around me in an attempt to find happiness.
Serenity, however, comes only when I make changes in myself by adjusting attitudes that act to keep me chained to unhappiness.
Reminder: To set myself free from unhappiness, I must take responsibility for how I feel about my life.
"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." - Romans
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When I am honest with myself, I see that initially I don't wish to change, I look to see where others are not acting as I think or wish they should. It seems far easier to direct them to change, often under the guise of 'improvement'.
Unfortunately, this strategy ensures that I will remain always the director, resting not until everyone else is on task and queue. This will never happen, ensuring that serenity will remain unachievable. My only consolation comes from thinking this is the fault of others... incredibly empty.
I find great strength and guidance in the simplicity of the Serenity Prayer and the reminder to stay focused upon what I can change: myself...When I do that, Serenity follows without fail.
I am so grateful for the wisdom of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I can relate to feeling that my happiness wasn't within my control.. when in fact, that was the only thing truly in my control! LOL!
I hope everyone enjoys their Tuesday! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks Paul for your service and shares. Over the years before program, and I had everything set out that my A needed: Meetings, readings, articles, addiction counseling, etc. You couldnt want anything more: there it all was in black and white including caring support and a willingness to go to meetings and counseling together. NOPE. Dug myself into a deep, black, emotional hole. I became very pathetic and desperate. Hopeless.
I came to alanon as a last resort. I had tried everything else except fixing me. I didnt have a clue I needed fixing. And my world changed thank God. My marriage continues to suffer due to my untreated alcoholic, but I am better than OK most of the time. I keep the 3 As and the 3 Cs in mind, and my toolbox is packed with goodies. ODAT.
Today's reading is very relevant for me. Through some deeper recent reflection on myself, I can see that I am much more co-dependant than I actually realised and almost without realising it have been still trying to influence change in others around me. Awareness of this is allowing me to question my motives before I do anything.
My husband recently left for another country but is on his way back as he never really wanted to go in the first place. I can see that I was the instigator to leave the country was really my decision and a means to try and get distance from him. I can't stop him coming back to this country but I can change the way I live and keep the focus on me. I can choose to live in a house without an active alcoholic and this needs to be about my actions rather than his. Thank you.
It sure seems like everything I read is just what I need anymore. Thanks for that.
I'm stubborn. It has both good and bad aspects. It has kept me alive and kicking in times that were almost unbearable. But it also keeps me stuck often.
It would be so much better,and easier,if AH would just quit doing what he does and do what I want him to do. Too bad it's doesn't work that way.
Change is hard. So hard. But Im trying.
I think though,I need to figure out who I am and where I fit in this life,and in this marriage,if I release that need to change and control others. Im not sure what my role is without that or if I even have a role at all. That's sad to admit but true.
-- Edited by SunnyFrogs on Tuesday 11th of August 2020 05:11:24 PM
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you ALL for your shares and ESH. When I reflect on this reading, I get sad over how much time, energy and effort I put into trying to change others before Al-Anon. A part of me wishes I had come sooner, learned faster, etc. Then I 'come to' and accept that the God of my understanding brought me here exactly at the right time, my past is for learning and not dwelling and that so long as I stay focused on healthy living and choices, the best is yet to come.
It helps me greatly to keep things simple, stay focused on just this one day and place my trust in this program and the process. I have a mind that can really over-think all things and complicate that which is easy. It's just the way I am wired.
It is in recovery that I've learned who I am and that I truly have all that I need. I still have 'wants' that aren't met yet and that's OK. It hasn't always been OK, but just for today, it certainly is.
I've had a super busy Tuesday! I started my day volunteering at the golf course as a starter, had to clear 72 players from 9 holes for lightning, restart them all, and encourage them 'gently' to play at a good pace. Today was my day to donate blood, so left the course and sped to the Center. I had to ship some packages & wash my car also! I did not even sit down today until almost 5pm.
I do enjoy keeping busy - idle mind and hands for me is not always a good thing! Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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