The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ultimate gurus are Lois and Bill. They have pop star and film star status for me. I have their photo on the wall.
But for a long time I wanted to be a guru and leader too! Not surprising since I used Bill's saying a lot. One that appears in the AA Big Book. "Half measures avail us nothing."
I often thank of the thousands of fans in the arena watching "the game". Rooting for their favourite team.
I think that this can apply to Alanon recovery too.
My secret dream was to appear on Oprah.
I have been researching who does get to do this. The main criterion is to have a New York Times best seller.
I have studied and followed the more recent allumnis... Echhart Tolle's, and Brene Brown.
I am going to a therapist- a physiotherapist who follows the American model. She has come up with a guru called David Galbraith who has written a book called "Unleashing Greatness."
Hardly a really unique topic, or theme. Currently he is a NZ farmer.
I actually belong to an apostolic church. The church tolerates me, since, in theology I am a fairly liberal, rather than literal thinker. But I really do love the worship style and community model.
And I like it that our little church is part of a hub which includes other local churches.
i used to distrust the American Way, American dream model. I have been to the USA and actually explored this idea.
It is a part of the reason I am in this group. I went out of my way to actually meet John F. and Betty K.
This helps me to express and to practise a unified plan towards a bunch of 12 step groups working together- online.
At home here I have been having a visitor- a newer Alanon member. She is very regular and will say if she can't come. We just sit in the den and share 19 to the dozen. It is what I miss most at meetings- ESH. And we both get to have 30 minutes sharing time each. It is fantastic and enlightening... it really is.
I think this second scenario is the real dream- and how the dream has turned out.
At one time I saw Oprah, as the archbishop of America, and Brene as a bishop... shining light leaders.
Oprah is slightly too "new-agey" for me. But Brene is not... leading the way between a better world.
And beginning with a better, more liveable life. ...
Being a Sunday here- early spring... this was a step 11 share... a part of growth... a part of linking with the world- which ah loves here... sweet... ...
Second share.... ...can I 'hoof it' with the best of us here? Be a part of the gang, the team, the crew...???
I think this is more than likely. The pay-off for me- is to know this- that I am not going to have any more emotional crises in my life. No more crash-bangs.
Some stuff might happen- within the family... ...an accident, or a mishap. But the odds are not very high. Serenity prayer lurks behind this one.
Yard work- reflections... there was always a conflict for me- labouring, or reading and study. I was never really a blue collar worker- I was a black singlet worker- often dusty smelly jobs.
I was just so passive. As a kid I had heaps of gut pain- and ear ache. from my early teens- I had migraine- just like every weekend having someone hit me over the head with an axe.
This no longer afflicts me like it used to. I fancy, sometimes that ah kin get down to the causes and origins of this pain- and see it resolved. Maybe so, or maybe not...
But it was the acute pain that drove me to seek solutions. As they might say- "A blessing in disguise."
Interesting note: most people of my kid's generation (GenZ & slightly older) have found that there isn't an "American Dream" anymore. Words based on paper dreams that don't apply to them.
As someone who is a latter Boomer, I can still remember growing up thinking I had the possibility of "having it all." It is hard to imagine the younger generations POV sometimes, but I can sympathize with them, as I am living in their time now as well! I am frequently divided between two worlds!
Thanks for sharing your stream of consciousness!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver