The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know in "that other thread" I said I doubted I would ever be logging in again,yet here I am. I actually logged in because I was going to apologize for the things I said because I wasn't feeling good about myself for it. I felt like I was wrong in what I said and felt I didn't have the right to say what I thought.
I was in a crisis when I came here that day,I had planned on reaching out for help and support. Instead of creating a thread,I clicked on the other one,the long title caught my eye. I was instantly triggered by it,it pretty much made me feel old feelings. It was like being a little girl again that had fell,got hurt and was bleeding and there were no competent adults to help me because they were too caught up in their own intoxicated brawl.
I was pretty upset over the whole thing and spoke my true thoughts and feelings over the whole thing. It may not have been polite or the most saintly,but it was my true thoughts at the time. And I'm not going to apologize for it.
I'm not upset anymore. I'm no longer in a crisis either. I got through it on my own, I did that by reading old posts here,by searching similar situations and how people handled them online. I went to many different sites seeking what I needed. I talked to someone on the phone late that night, I prayed,meditated, I did what I needed to in order to calm down long enough to be able to get a little sleep.
I learned something from all of it. Although I may feel like I can't deal with things at times I am way more capable and stronger than what I give myself credit for.
I also learned that it's so important to not allow myself to get all caught up in the craziness and dysfunction of other people. That it is possible to take a step back and do what I need to do for myself.
Take what you like and leave the rest has an added meaning for me now. I had just thought of it in reference to Alanon and other members before.But it also applies to other aspects in life too. It's not always about what we "like", sometimes we may not like something but it can turn out to be just what we need.
So,surprisingly,I'm grateful for this place and for what upset me so much in "that" thread.
Sunny Frogs I am so grateful for the lesson you bring to the board today. Mahalo for coming back and sharing your ESH and willingness to grow in recovery. ((((Hugs))))
I have heaps of respect for IAm. There was a group conscience issue and she just opened a thread and allowed all and any members to say what they felt. Including you, of course.
The last few months, around the world, have been stressful- on top of everything else.
I counted my lucky stars that I was not directly involved in the issue.
I hate to be in situations like that. I maybe not avoid them- but I always say: "Neither provoke nor avoid a conflict."
Today I was working away from home out here on the coast. Working on a small-holding.
Spring is just around the corner here... so looking forward to it... ...
Hi sunny, ive also been away a while and I was happy to see you return. I can relate to being triggered, for me its like there are buttons and when pressed I can get angry and react in ways that don't help me.
I like your honesty and your direct approach, I also have that 'directness' and it gets me into trouble from time to time. As far as I can tell you have worked the steps here. Step 4 you have done a personal inventory, step 5 shared it here all the way to step 9 made amends.
I've came to see that these shortcomings can rule me and I can be triggered and react and its part of me. I am beginning to take responsibility for them and accept them as mine finally and then its easier to see them and see myself feel the anger and stop myself reacting by using the alanon tools and ultimately my higher power. Nice to see you here again x
I am soo glad you came back to tell us how you are and what worked, this ESH is a treasure!!!!
Your honesty... your detachment from craziness and dysfunction... your search and seeking... reasoning it out with someone else... praying and meditating... to calm down... to sleep...
All of this willingness and self-care and turning to NONE OTHER than the silent higher power is the sole "solution." anything else is just a detour.
I just love your title "Take what you like..."
yep, this results in the feeling that I like too, thank you sooo much!!! I am going to do like YOU all day long
I just wanna add that a great resource I found was a site called "the alcoholics friend"(not sure if we can post links,so I won't)
There's some "free" lessons on the site that are helpful (it all looks very helpful but I'm not in a position to pay for it right now). I downloaded 3 audios that I've been listening to with my morning coffee and throughout the day when I feel I'm gonna lose my ship.
They are:
I know you are lying
How to stop arguing with the alcoholic
Three ways to never confront them again
Honestly,I do believe those are exactly the things I was seeking that day and I found what I needed. And it's awesome those 3 are free.
It sorta feels like I'm brainwashing myself by listening to them so often but I guess that's what working a program basically is anyway,programming our minds. All that matters is it's helping though.
Happy to hear that you found a way to get yourself unstuck... and you also came on to share your experience! The title of your thread says it all for me.
Wishing you peace this weekend! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I think it is incredible you.found the resources within this site to help you
Those three lessons you.speak of are also incredibly helpful. Those skills go a long way in life
I find being able to.detach an incredibly useful skill. The more I use it the better it is for me
I am glad you cane back.
There are a lot of issues within 12 step programs. No place is perfect. None of us are perfect either. No one works a perfect program.
I humbled that you can come back and report in your progress.
Maresie
Sunny, I am glad you were able to sort your situation out and "that thread" perhaps fired you up to just read others posts and reach out in a different way..like you executed a plan B and it worked....Yea, we are all here because we are not "all there" and that is why we are in recovery....to recover...to sort out our trigger points, to do and be better....I have my "times" when I feel like I am majorally messed up, too damaged, and I can't seem to find the help I want the "usual" way so when in that situation, I pray, read my literature, work a step, reach out to a recovery mate...I just move on to a different approach and finally I sort it out...
AND I liked your title..."Take what you like and leave the rest" Glad to see you feeling better
...
& 