I am a leader, in the sense that I have done a lot of the work in Alanon.

My goal-set was to be able to be a good example of Alanon recovery.

If I don't like the way something is done, I just do it the way I think is most effective.

I am liberated enough, and confident enough to do this. I try to be humble. But no longer humiliated.

As a kid I was a goody-two shoes mostly. I was not assertive at all. Once I gained confidence in my self,

and happy with our higher power ideas, my effort was to manage stuff around me- rather than control.

This was a big deal for me- and I called this several things. Black and white thinking, my way or the highway,

my way or the doorway, or my way or the railway.

This is not a zone where I am wallowing in self pity- or at least I think not. I can be clear and decisive.

I have learned to relax. And I have learned to do necessary stuff- when this comes up- to be done.

I try much less now to change stuff, that I cannot shift. Stuff that won't shift.

But i will put a lot of energy and time to shifting something that needs fixing and changing.

Something right within own orbit, and sphere of influence.

Tomorrow I am going to the city on behalf of two young boys, Age 6 and 4. 

It is quite possible they will go into state care. I an going to support the two parents- and that they get to get the best option possible.

There might be a miracle- but the option I see looming- is that they are able to maintain links and contacts with their sons.

A reasonable request.

I am more with goals and dreams these days... 

...the alternative was to walk away forever... this is something I have never really liked doing at all.

"better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know" is something that mum taught me.

I have an Alanon member coming round at 7. She always comes when she says. She tells me she is very regular.

I tend to be like this myself.

Sometimes head knowledge is good. This used to screw me up a lot though.

The kind of knowledge and learning I often think worthwhile too- I call osmosis.

Watching and gaining from the examples I can see and share.

I think that the priceless gift of serenity lives in here somewhere.  .

We had a warmish day today- and I planted a row of asparagus...

Thanks for the chance to share.  

David G.