The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been working briefly with a coworker who compulsively lies. His lies are not anything that can affect my.job
I spent years with the qualifier who lied comoulsively. He lied about crashing the car repeatedly (which I paid for). He lied about working, where he was, virtually anything he was responsible for.
After one day of dealing with my.co.worker I cannot really be botherec to talk to him because it is a waste of time. I spent 8 years wrangling with the qualifier
I also realized one of the reasons I put up witn the former roommate is the way he talks to me is the way I.talk to myself. I keep going ten rounds with him because I keep doimg ten rounds with myself. Needless to say.my.former roommate is absolutely paralyzed with depression. The way he talks to.me is of course the way he talks to himself.
The difference now with this realization is that I have compassion for myself. I feel some tenderness towards myself that was never there before. I believe that is self live which Incertainly did not have before
This is a big break through for me. The feeling of tenderness towarda myself is brandnew. I had olenty of compassion for others but none for myself
Out of this feeling of being up to my neck in issues and overwhelmed a break through. Perhaps I had to get to that point to be able to break through
Maresie
Perhaps that is true, Maresie... you had to walk through the "fire" so-to-speak. Regardless, kudos to you for making this break-through! Keep nurturing that Respect!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I have to develop a different attitide towards myself. Compassion has been in short supply for myself and of course forgiveness. Self forgiveness is not in there very much.
Good for you Maresie! My experience is the more I am willing, the more that is revealed. As it is revealed, I trust the God of my understanding to lead me where I am to go and what I am to do. As I remain open, I get to see more and more ways I have dishonored me in the past, and can change that with tools.
I unintentionally and without effort picked and attracted unhealthy people. It was a pattern that was slow to be revealed to me. What has happened is I tend to attract and pick healthier people today, which I attribute to getting healthier in recovery. I accept I am a work in progress and that I am where I am supposed to be.
Keep doing what you're doing - looks great on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
While reading our posts and responses I often wonder how things would have turned out for me if earlier or very earlier I had been introduced to the program. I use to sponsor an Alateen meeting and program and after watching the kids get in and around recovery it amazed me that often they and their ESH would positively affect me also. I am most grateful to my HP for that experience in my own recovery. If and when you get the opportunity to serve on this level...say yes. ((((hugs))))
Maresie, I figured out some time ago, that by beating myself up, not being kind to me, not having the support I have for others, was keeping the abuse I was given in my life alive and well. And I hated being abused by others, and I had to see that now I was the abuser to myself. And that was NOT ok. So for the most part, I have stopped. I have an occasional moment but I recognize it and stop. Progress not perfection.
I have come to accept that addicted people lie, and some other people tell lies as part of their personality. It is a very difficult personality trait to change, and it would take a person to have great focus and practice to change. I have rarely seen that happen as I worked in the field of mental health. So I accept the things I cannot change, and dont have many people in my circle that lie. Of course my untreated A is a problem, so I use detachment. And my older brother has quite a few problems I dont care for, and I see him infrequently. Control the things I can, which is me.
Of course I would tolerate unhealthy people. I grew up in that
I am not really triggered by ny coworker. I am jusr astonished by all the side steps I made around blatant lies.
Therr are plenty of liars in my life. I just have to diminsh their effect on me.
I have people in my life now who are hinesr about where they are and what they are doing. I do not need a lot of them.
I work hard every day to be in better positions. Every day it is a challenge.
I cannot say it ever gets easy
I hope thar being in therapy for a while will help because I need some respite
This year has been a really hard one. I do not think it is going to get easier.
Maresie
I gained tremendous insight from being willing to look at this issue. So much for the mandate that we should focus on ourselves
By being willing to address that I was #triggered# by this coworker I.started to delve into my own denial, dsperation and loneliness. I.do not have that aching hole in the heart loneliness I once had. That was one sure reason why I put uo with people who did not like me. That was also one reason I was not able to deal with my denial.
I need nothing from this co worker so I am able to detach from him. When I.detach I can reflecr on what the issues are.
My co worker has no idea I.am even bothered by his lies. I have absolutely no intention of saying anything to him.
I know that everyone comes into my life for a reason. I have something to learn from all of them. These days those reasons become more apparent far more quickly.
That isnt always the case
Maresie
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
